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Is he beng unreasonable ??

(116 Posts)
Milly101 Wed 12-Nov-14 19:50:54

My brother has 7 year old daughter his ex partner lives in one of his houses rent and council tax free brother also pays a generous amount in child support ( I think he feels guilty and this is a way of easiing conscience break up entirely his fault)
They've been split up for 5 or so years both have moved on and are fairly friendly ex has been in relationship with a lovely bloke for maybe 3 years brother and him have met get on fine no issues there.
Ex announced to my brother at drop of on Sunday night that her partner has his 2 bed flat on the rental market and when he finds suitable tenants he is going to move in with brothers ex and daughter, brother says fine no problems but they will have to pay the going rate for rent.
I can't help but feel this is fair,both my mother and his ex seem to think this is wholly unreasonable and a bit controlling.
Is he being unreasonable ?

Frogme Wed 12-Nov-14 19:56:17

Half rent seems more reasonable and fair.

ApocalypseThen Wed 12-Nov-14 19:56:47

It's certainly a neat punishment for her.

Milly101 Wed 12-Nov-14 19:58:43

Apocalypse,I don't think it is punishment I think brother feels a guy making 45 k a year shouldn't be king in his house rent free

Bowlersarm Wed 12-Nov-14 20:00:30

I think you're right OP. keep out generally but support your brother (verbally) when needs be.

ghostyslovesheep Wed 12-Nov-14 20:00:45

nice way to control her

Littlefish Wed 12-Nov-14 20:01:14

Does he pay child maintenance at at least the required rate, on top of providing a home rent-free? I think it would be reasonable for him to continue to offer his ex the same arrangement as she has now, but the new partner should be paying half the going rate in rent, and half of the council tax.

ghostyslovesheep Wed 12-Nov-14 20:01:51

'his' house hmm it's his ex and his childs home - I'd move out if it was me

CaptainAnkles Wed 12-Nov-14 20:01:54

I think they should pay something but get a discount.

DieselSpillages Wed 12-Nov-14 20:02:01

half rent.. after all he's still providing a home for his daughter.

ApocalypseThen Wed 12-Nov-14 20:02:03

Why would he perceive the new partner to be king in his house? That's a very odd attitude. But I think asking her to suddenly find half the rent money from nothing if she has a partner move in is probably in line with that. She may not be struggling financially now, but however generous he may be with maintenance (if he chooses to subsidize the king by continuing to pay it) she may well find the going very tough.

minibmw2010 Wed 12-Nov-14 20:03:16

Absolutely fair of your brother, why should he subsidise her new partner ??!?

Milly101 Wed 12-Nov-14 20:03:18

Ghost, I honestly don't think he is trying to control her

flanjabelle Wed 12-Nov-14 20:04:47

Why should the ops brother pay for the new partners home? He isn't trying to stop her, just asking him to pay for a place to live. I agree that perhaps asking him to pay half would be fairer, but the ops brother has no responsibility to pay the new partners way.

Catsarebastards Wed 12-Nov-14 20:04:55

I think 5 years rent free not in lieu of maintenance is pretty generous and if she is moving a working partner in who will also be gettkng rent from his own flat then yes, it's fair enough they pay market rent.

flanjabelle Wed 12-Nov-14 20:06:34

If the new partner can't afford to pay rent there he shouldn't move in! No one else would be able to move somewhere they. any afford!

Littlefish Wed 12-Nov-14 20:06:35

Asking for half rent would in effect be asking the new partner to contribute, rather than his ex. As the partner will be receiving an income from his own property, it seems entirely reasonable to me for the OPs brother to ask for half rent.

Milly101 Wed 12-Nov-14 20:06:44

Bloody predictive text that should say living in his house rent free not king :/

ghostyslovesheep Wed 12-Nov-14 20:21:04

as I said - for me the best option would be to move out and have our own place with no ties to him - I guess on paper he's nbu but is seems an odd set up if that makes sense

he chose not to charge her rent - has she no income of her own

Milly101 Wed 12-Nov-14 20:24:24

She's on on about 25k a year works as a pa

pigsDOfly Wed 12-Nov-14 20:27:00

Don't see how this is controlling or unreasonable.

The ex and her new dp are going to be living as a couple in a house.

If the house were not owned by the op's brother they would have to pay the going rate for rent.

It's completely unreasonable to expect op's brother to allow this man to live rent free in his (op's brother's) house.

He's paying generous maintenance for his child. His ex cannot expect that she should be able to live rent free for the rest of her life and for her new partner to expect to live rent free is just taking the piss.

ApocalypseThen Wed 12-Nov-14 20:31:46

The brother has no idea what access the ex will have to new man's money so I think taking action to alter her circumstances is premature. I think it's fine to charge him rent, but changing the other conditions abruptly to me sounds like he's making her choose between rent and partner.

Now she is an adult, but if it's a long standing arrangement I think giving her an ultimatum like that is controlling.

Lambzig Wed 12-Nov-14 20:32:16

I can't believe that people are saying he is being controlling. How many ex's pay for the rent, council tax of their ex partners as well as child maintenance. I think paying for this for five years is very generous, but perfectly reasonable that he doesn't want to subsidise her new property owning earning partner.

So they will have a joint salary of £70k, plus the generous maintenance and think the ex should give them a house rent free too?

Lambzig Wed 12-Nov-14 20:33:06

Hideous stray apostrophe due to autocorrect. Cringe.

professornangnang Wed 12-Nov-14 20:33:34

Your brother is being totally reasonable.

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