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To think someone should have noticed

(77 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Belfastmum32 Wed 12-Nov-14 14:54:48

DS is 1 this week, for the last 6 months DH, DS and I have been spending part of the week with my parents (allows DH a much shorter commute and I'm still on mat leave). I really appreciate the help, and from I financial pov I would have had to cut mat leave short to cover fuel costs (in the interests of full disclosure my parents are also lending us money to allow me to take the full 1 yr mat leave). My brother also spends a lot if time at their house.

I am grateful for all of this but frustrated that in the last 1 year my husband and I haven't had a night out. Despite living in a house with 3 adults. Never mind a night out, a coffee? A walk? A cinema trip? DS gets looked after for 30 min or so some days if I drop DH off at work. Excluding that there are 3 occasions someone has looked after him. My last haircut (May if anyone wants to judge), a trip to the beach, and 30 min while I packed last week. AIBU

AIBU to think that someone might have noticed and offered to look after him? And no we haven't asked (seems a bit late now). But still.

hoppus Wed 12-Nov-14 14:56:28

Just ask them.

Recovering Wed 12-Nov-14 14:56:56

I understand the feeling, but they're already doing so very much more than most parents would!

MishMooshAndMogwai Wed 12-Nov-14 14:57:30

YABU ask and you'll probably get

formerbabe Wed 12-Nov-14 14:57:31

What time does your ds go to sleep? Once he is in bed, could you not say 'we're popping out for a quick drink...ds is asleep and fine...see you in a bit'.

Or get a paid babysitter.

Recovering Wed 12-Nov-14 14:57:35

And yes, maybe ask them or a babygroup friend if they'd watch the baby while you both go out to lunch?

noblegiraffe Wed 12-Nov-14 14:57:58

YABU. Why get all frustrated when you couldn't even take the simple step of asking?

LittleBairn Wed 12-Nov-14 14:59:07

YABU and ungrateful. You haven't even asked them! How petty to be pissed off because your generous family can't mind read that you want a night out.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Wed 12-Nov-14 14:59:16

Well you are getting a hell of a lot more than most op. You could ask them I suppose but you might come across as a cheeky bugger.

rollonthesummer Wed 12-Nov-14 14:59:18

I understand the feeling, but they're already doing so very much more than most parents would!

This!

I'm sorry but think YABU in expecting the people who are poking up with you taking over their house for months to be worrying about your social life!

Catsarebastards Wed 12-Nov-14 15:00:45

ASK!

It really grinds on me when people sulk and mope about others not noticing they need/want something done when it could all be solved so easily. ASK!

Belfastmum32 Wed 12-Nov-14 15:01:04

Fair enough. IABU.

MrsBungle Wed 12-Nov-14 15:01:49

Oh come on! Ask them if they'd mind babysitting while you go out.

Floralnomad Wed 12-Nov-14 15:02:19

YABU , they let you stay at their house ,are lending you money so you don't have to go back to work - hence saving you childcare costs and you are moaning that they have not thought to offer a baby sitting service as well . I think you take the award for most entitled person of the year .

youareallbonkers Wed 12-Nov-14 15:02:37

get a baby sitter

sunflower49 Wed 12-Nov-14 15:05:32

I wouldn't let them know you're feeling like this, I'd probably say something like 'I feel like I'm ready to not be just 'mum' now, DH and I are thinking of going to the cinema/for a drink/for a walk tonight, would you mind?Understand if you do-do you know anybody who might babysit for him whilst we go out?'

Yes they are doing a lot for you and you would be unreasonable to expect them to babysit, but you're being more unreasonable for not asking nicely-they probably won't even mind at all!

OhReallyDear Wed 12-Nov-14 15:08:24

"It really grinds on me when people sulk and mope about others not noticing they need/want something done when it could all be solved so easily. ASK!"

Same here. You are not the centre of the world...

CatsCantTwerk Wed 12-Nov-14 15:10:09

yabu. They are not mind readers, If You want them to look after him so you can go out. Ask! confused

Belfastmum32 Wed 12-Nov-14 15:10:38

Hmmm. New to MN. Just got shouted at by 16 strangers. Weird.

FluffyJawsOfDoom Wed 12-Nov-14 15:12:11

Yabu. And if I were giving you room and board, plus money so you don't need to go back to work, and you STILL didn't think I was doing enough for you, I'd be really rather upset tbh.

sliceofsoup Wed 12-Nov-14 15:13:34

We have to ask if we want childcare. Our parents will ask to have them because they want them, but its never a time that would enable us to go out or do anything alone. If we ask they will take them on a Sat night or whatever to fit in with our plans, but they never offer for that reason specifically.

You live with them, so maybe they assume that if you wanted that you would ask?

I mean, they have welcomed your family unit into their home and they are lending you money, so I don't think they are purposely not offering out of nastiness.

NancyRaygun Wed 12-Nov-14 15:14:15

Ask them! It sounds like they are lovely and won't mind at all.

I know this baby and how you feel about him is at the front of your mind, your DH's mind and is the crux of the life decisions you are making but...everyone else has other shit going on. They won't predict your feelings because they probably aren't giving it that much thought!

MiddletonPink Wed 12-Nov-14 15:14:27

So they put you up half of the week plus they have lent you money so you can extend your mat leave. Do they feed you all? Do your laundry too?

QuietNinjaTardis Wed 12-Nov-14 15:14:42

Belfastmum go to chat or parenting. Don't start of Mumsnet in aibu. People here tend to shout a lot. It's where we go to argue with strangers grin

arethereanyleftatall Wed 12-Nov-14 15:16:38

'Shouted at' or '16 people disagreed with you'?

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