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to not take DS friend home?

(53 Posts)
FruitCakey Wed 12-Nov-14 14:29:04

DS is 6. Most evenings DS school friend will walk 3x streets and 2 main roads to our house to knock and ask to play with DS. Most evenings I don't mind him coming in and playing with DS (although I'd much rather it be pre-planned), however, I am beginning to feel uncomfortable with the whole situation because the dark nights are now drawing in much earlier. He is only a tiny little thing and is certainly not street/road smart. I find it bizarre that his DM feels so comfortable with him walking all this way, but can't quite believe that she allows him to walk all the way home, alone in the dark.

The usual would be, DS gets home from school. 10 minutes later we will get a knock on the door from said friend and then his DM will text me at 5.30 pm to send him home. I feel so uncomfortable letting him walk home alone every evening in the dark but because he just shows up every evening, which is never pre-planned, I don't feel I should have to stop everything to walk him home every night? Or should I? What is the UR situation here?

Thank you. grin

LittleBairn Wed 12-Nov-14 14:31:46

I wouldn't wait for the text as soon as I noticed it getting dark I would send him home.

HelpMeGetOutOfHere Wed 12-Nov-14 14:33:19

that seems a long way for a 6yr old to walk alone. Could you send him home before it gets dark and ask that he mum texts you when he's home so you know he's arrived safely.

I wouldn't mind walking him home a few times but every night is understandably a pain in the backside. Perhaps in the text asking for confirmation that he's home you could mention that you don't feel comfortable letting him walk home alone in the dark, but that its not possible to walk him home each time.

LittleBairn Wed 12-Nov-14 14:33:49

And I would text his mum saying that he is on his way home you don't feel comfortable sending him home in the dark.

FruitCakey Wed 12-Nov-14 14:33:55

Littlebairn, perhaps I should start taking matters into my own hands and should send him home earlier? Good plan.

Winterbells Wed 12-Nov-14 14:34:46

I do think it's a bit much for a 6 year old to walk that far in the dark and alone. Personally I would walk him because I'd feel terrible if something happened as he is only 6 and not street/road smart.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to not take him home but perhaps you should bring it up with his mother and tell her to either come and pick him up or to stop letting him come round.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 12-Nov-14 14:35:12

6!!! Wow yanbu. In fact I would be telling the mum that unless she walked over to pick him up he can't come and play at mine any more. I couldn't be responsible for sending a 6yo out to walk home in the dusk. Lazy bitch she is.

gamerchick Wed 12-Nov-14 14:35:17

Text her now and say her kid isn't to knock tonight.

Littlef00t Wed 12-Nov-14 14:36:01

You could always text the mum and say that now it's getting dark early you'd rather their play was only on a couple if nights and pre planned, and you'll walk him home if you're happy doing that, or mum should collect at 5:30.

If he comes when not expected he'll be sent home, and if you walk him home when she's supposed to be collecting you won't have him again.

Although the mum obviously isn't worried, she shouldn't be making you feel uncomfortable by having him walk home.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Wed 12-Nov-14 14:36:34

My neighbour and I are literally next door with no roads to cross, our boys walk round into each others' gardens and we still text each other when one of us sends the other home. 6!!!!

MillionToOneChances Wed 12-Nov-14 14:37:41

I'd text her when he arrived to say how much you like having him to play but that now it's getting dark so early you'll be sending him back earlier, just in case she's got in a habit of popping out. I presume a 6 year-old wouldn't have a key?!

UncleSue Wed 12-Nov-14 14:38:43

I wouldn't be at all happy either, 6, walking in the dark across main roads. No way. could you send a text along the lines of "it's getting dark do you want to come and pick up at xx o,clock"

MillionToOneChances Wed 12-Nov-14 14:39:42

I'd much rather it be pre-planned

Or next time just say 'sorry, not convenient today but come round to play on x-day'

FruitCakey Wed 12-Nov-14 14:40:43

Glad to see that others feel the same way I do.

I drove him home on Monday and when I got to his DM home, she was stood outside with 5x women, smoking and swearing, so I instinctively worry that she couldn't really give a toss. Perhaps she does, but I am a worrier.

I am also quite concerned that she doesn't send her DS here with a coat. For the past 3x nights, he has arrived in a football kit. (T-shirt and shorts) and that is it. No coat. It doesn't half make me sad. sad

BitchesGetStuffDone Wed 12-Nov-14 14:41:55

6 is still so little, he definitely should not be crossing main roads alone, especially in the dark.

I think that if you don't want to walk him home then you need to tell his mother to collect him or stop him visiting.

UncleSue Wed 12-Nov-14 14:42:57

Oh. Poor child, and poor you to be in this awkward situation.
How sad.

Stalequavers Wed 12-Nov-14 14:44:04

So glad there are responsible adults on this thread. One I've recently been on left me gob smacked.

Of course YANBU.

There is a main road near me that has claimed many poor childrens lives.

I would text and ask her to walk half way up and meet you both. She will soon get the message.

ChippingInAutumnLover Wed 12-Nov-14 14:46:39

He does seem a bit little for that.

If you are going to send him home earlier then I'd check she was home. I know it's not your responsibility, but I'd worry more about him going home and no one being there, than him walking home in the dark. Poor wee mite shouldn't be doing either.

OR I'd see it as a bit of enforced exercise for me and DS and just walk him home. I know me, I'd end up doing that. Or keeping him grin

zipzap Wed 12-Nov-14 14:47:03

I would be very uncomfortable with a child coming that often to play - particularly uninvited.

I'd probably think the parent(s) were happy for it to happen and look at it as some sort of free childcare. particularly as there seems to be no invitation to go back to play at his house - would be different if you and his mum organised it and it was about half and half at either house.

And that's before even thinking about the child walking to you himself - wouldn't like that at all. Would definitely put a stop to that and say that I only wanted pre-arranged visits to play, rather than turning up unannounced. I'm not very good at playdates though so I might be just a bit of a misery - but I think you're amazing for being so nice and letting it have gone on for so long grin

Pipbin Wed 12-Nov-14 14:50:05

This is going to be really harsh but could you go somewhere after school for a couple of nights so that you are not there.
Get DS to tell him that you are going out so he doesn't have a wasted trip. He might eventually give it up as a bad job.

formerbabe Wed 12-Nov-14 14:51:18

I would address this with the mum. Regardless of whether it is dark or not, that is far too far for a 6 year old to walk alone...quite shocking actually. I'd call the police if I saw such a young child alone on the street.

carlsonrichards Wed 12-Nov-14 14:53:32

I would walk him back tonight and speak to the mother in person that you do not find it safe or sensible for so young a child to be walking that far alone in the dark. So do not send him over, as you cannot walk him back every night.

LittleBairn Wed 12-Nov-14 14:54:52

Whatever you do don't ask her when she wants him back or to pick him up she is willing to allow her 6 year old in the dark across main roads she probably won't care if others are worried.
Simply make it non negotiable send him home when its dark or send him home when he turns up if it's not convient for you.
If she's not home that's a whole other matter you are not her childminder. I would probably stop him coming all together if that was happening.

rollonthesummer Wed 12-Nov-14 14:56:09

I have never had a child just turn up and knock on the door and my DS is a teen! He would arrange things via text if he wanted mate over and if my 6 year old wanted a friend over, I would speak to the mum. You're not a childminder, I presume!?

I would text her and say, 'Would x like to come to play next Thursday?' and then when that's arranged say you'd rather he stopped coming round every day as you aren't always in and feel responsible for him.

It would have driven me bonkers by now!

Eva50 Wed 12-Nov-14 14:56:20

I would put a stop to the after school playing until after the winter or invite him on an odd night and walk him home.

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