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Should I cancel my op because of Christmas plans?

(18 Posts)
outofcontrol2014 Wed 12-Nov-14 12:30:30

I have just heard that I'm going to need an op to remove a large fibroid, and it's been scheduled just before Christmas. Advice is that I will be 1-3 nights in hospital, and then 2 weeks of not being able to stand or walk for longer than 10 minutes at a time.

We were planning to go to the in-laws for Christmas, as MIL lost GFIL in the spring and needs support at what will be a difficult time of year for her. However, they are a 5 hour drive away, and I have been advised not to attempt this so soon after the op. I know MIL and FIL will be bitterly disappointed about this and I feel terrible about that, but can't really see a way around it.

I could try to reschedule, but I don't want to lose this slot for the op because the problems I am experiencing are having a seriously negative effect on my ability to live a normal life and goodness knows when another slot might appear. (There is also a window for the surgery, as I have to have injections beforehand to put me into a temporary menopause and shrink the tumours - as if I'm not enough of a grumpy old cow already!)

I am not sure what to do. One option would be to try and reschedule the op, but I feel bad about messing the hospital around.

Another would be to have the op and then have the family come stay with us, but I am not sure how easy I will find this as PIL are quite noisy and stressy. I definitely couldn't cope with a long stay of 5 days or a week. I certainly wouldn't be able to play the hostess or cook while they were here either, which would be the expectation. BIL and his partner are lovely and would probably be willing to help out, however.

How would you handle this?

WooWooOwl Wed 12-Nov-14 12:34:05

Depends how supportive DH will be if you have the family to yours.

You should definitely have the operation, the only question is whether you should not see the inlaws over Christmas at all, or whether you should have them come to you. If your DH and BIL will be supportive and you think you can cope, then I think you shoudo try and work out a plan for them to come to you.

Winterbells Wed 12-Nov-14 12:37:55

I would not cancel the op.

Could you fly instead of drive there? Would that be possible?

WeirdCatLady Wed 12-Nov-14 12:43:48

I would have the op and then a quiet christmas while you recover. Let bil go to his parents. You need to look after yourself xx

Thebodynowchillingsothere Wed 12-Nov-14 12:48:11

Health comes first and if your inlaws care one shred for you they will understand.

This is oui of your control and I wouldn't be asking them to stay either as that's no easy option. Your dh should be looking after you not them.

You say your bil and partner are lovely so maybe they will have them/stay with them.

It's life and that's how things pan out sometimes. You can't always be in control.

MonstrousRatbag Wed 12-Nov-14 12:50:52

While it is very sad that GFIL died, this is a more pressing situation.

I think you should have the operation. And I agree with thebody: ask BIL and his partner to have the PIL, but arrange for them to spend a short time with you.

EverythingsRunningAway Wed 12-Nov-14 12:51:28

You have the operation you need and your family (for that is what they are) are glad that you are recovering well and leave you in peace after Christmas.

This should really not be an issue.

iwantgin Wed 12-Nov-14 12:52:56

I would have the op your health is more important.

Let the PIL have xmas with BIL ? then make plans to see them for a late celebration a couple of months later when you are fully recovered.

It really isn't worth cancelling your operation. Enjoy watching all the christmas movies while you are recuperating and get DH to look after you.

WerewolfBarMitzvah Wed 12-Nov-14 12:53:13

Put yourself first. Have the op.
PILs will understand (surely).
Hope it goes well.

LadyLuck10 Wed 12-Nov-14 12:53:56

Don't cancel the op.

They must have other support around, you need to take the time to recover properly. If they cannot understand this then they need to deal with it. Your health is more important.

Goldmandra Wed 12-Nov-14 12:54:13

Your need for surgery is not trumped by your MIL's need for support over Christmas. If she has any decency she will tell you that herself.

Make your apologies and leave them to plan Christmas with your BIL. If they don't feel they can get through it that way, tell them they are welcome to come to you if they book into a nearby hotel and you all have Christmas dinner there. Everyone can then look after themselves/muck in to cook meals for the rest of their stay.

CMOTDibbler Wed 12-Nov-14 12:58:44

Don't cancel, and let BIL and his partner do Christmas with them. Use the Christmas break to really recover - everyone else should be looking after you

outofcontrol2014 Wed 12-Nov-14 12:59:41

Thanks for the advice guys - I feel a bit clearer about it now. They are difficult house guests, so the idea of having them around when I'm not feeling well is a bit stress-inducing! I think I may try to see them before Christmas for a few days and then Skype with them on Christmas day itself.

Mitzimaybe Wed 12-Nov-14 13:26:48

Have the op and get B & SIL to do Christmas with PIL.

I work in the NHS and nobody wants to be operated on just before Christmas or between Christmas and New Year, which is a real problem because we still have to meet waiting times targets and can't afford to have empty operating theatres and idle surgeons.

I'm not saying what I said because of that, though - you have to do what is right for you. You are in pain and your life is impaired by your condition. The sooner you get it fixed, the better. If your PIL have one ounce the amount of compassion for you that you have for them, they will understand. And if they don't, then they aren't worth considering anyway.

quietbatperson Wed 12-Nov-14 14:57:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stripyhoglets Wed 12-Nov-14 15:44:39

Have the OP and take time to recover, don't have them visits as the chance is you will end up doing more than you should. They should understand.

Crochetcamper Wed 12-Nov-14 15:47:50

Have the op. Most people understand things like this.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Wed 12-Nov-14 15:47:58

Sounds like a good plan op. Hope the op goes well and you concentrate on yourself. thanks

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