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feel let down and upset

(24 Posts)
2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 15:12:04

I had my third baby by c section 4 days ago and feel upset with MIL and weepy generally.

All the way through my pregnancy my MIL has said she will come and help me when i come out of hospital. Any way my BIL txt my husband yesterday saying MIL will not be coming as she is full of cold. The thing is j dont believe her which sounds awful but she has form for this.

On my sons birthday in August she couldn't come because she had sickness bug and loads of similar cases but this was a time i was really thinking she was keeping her word.

At our sons christening she didn't say hello or bye to me and she tried sneaking off as she said BIL who had brought her had to go as he had something on. My husband had offered to take her home but she declined and said not to make her choose between dh and his brother..

Dh has annoyed me today aswell as he has a cold and was moaning about that but im sore weepy and generally fed up. He came to visit me and didn't hardly speak. Is this the blues or is MIl BU?

I'm aware they are our children and don't expect other people fo have them but this help was offered unprompted and MIL was the one who always brought it up.

DaisyFlowerChain Tue 11-Nov-14 15:30:13

Surely it should be your DH helping. You don't have any proof that she isn't ill and even if she's just changed her mind she is entitled too.

Maybe you'll feel better when home, hospital can be boring.

mermaid101 Tue 11-Nov-14 15:31:39

Congratulations on the new baby!
It's so hard getting over a section. It's a major operation.

I would be annoyed and upset as well. Is there anything else she could do, even with a cold? Could she do some washing or shopping or something.

I felt so weepy and emotional after my deliveries. Big hugs!

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Tue 11-Nov-14 15:35:54

Daisy hmm OP has just had a baby! 3 days ago! She's not exactly going to be reasonable.

OP Congratulations. Remember that lots of things will be out of sync now in terms of how you see them. It might be that MIL is ill or it might be that she can't be bothered

Either way....look after yourself while you're in there...take ALL the help you can get from the health care proffesionals and go to sleep.x

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Tue 11-Nov-14 15:36:22

What baby have you have OP? Girl or boy?

2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 15:39:41

Daisyflowerchain she is always ill when we invite her down for whatever occasion. That is why im not sure it is true, of course i have to assume it is but seems a big coincidence. The last time she saw our children was June and previous to that was December. Dh is the one helping. I know she is entitled to change her mind, that's ok but why wait until baby is born when she has promised all the way through.

its a horrible feeling this weepiness isn't it mermaid? i had it with both my other pregnancies but feels awful at the time.

feebeecat Tue 11-Nov-14 15:40:56

Five days after I gave birth the blues hit. Went from wandering around slightly shell-shocked (first pregnancy, twins) to blubbing away at everything & anything. I could no more make a rational decision than fly in the wind!

I'm assuming from your op that you are still in hospital? Hopefully by time you leave dh will have 'recovered' & can step up. As for mil, if she has form for this I would just discount her and sort it out between you - if she does show up though, put her to work!!

Congratulations on your new baby flowers

2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 15:42:17

Clawhands, i had a little boy. He is lovely but i think he has got his day and night mixed up, awake alot of the night and sleeps alot during the day.

I should be coming home tonight or tomorrow so look forward to that.

mommy2ash Tue 11-Nov-14 15:46:12

if she has form for this i would use her past behaviour as an indication of what to expect from her.

if you are still in hospital her being around wouldn't be helping you anyway.

congratulations on your new baby i hope things get easier. I was quite weepy for no reason around day four if that helps

Aberchips Tue 11-Nov-14 15:46:25

Congratulations OP flowers - I don't think this is a time when you are going to be particularly rational so probably best to put your MIL out of your thoughts for the time being and concentrate on your recovery from the c section.

As another poster said - if she turns up, get her working, if not then forget about her for now!

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Tue 11-Nov-14 15:46:50

Oh lovely OP.... smile you will feel umpteen times better at home. I've had two sections and know what it's like. Have you got any chocolate?

PeteHornberger Tue 11-Nov-14 15:49:47

Congratulations on your baby!

I can understand how you feel let down, both sides of our family have form for volunteering childcare and then finding excuses not to/cutting it short because they can't be bothered with it and I find it so frustrating! I would rather not have anyone volunteer to help than help that is promised and then never really materialises as it's worse when you've been looking forward to a break or an extra pair of hands and it never happens.

We've had something similar happen to us recently and it made me cry as I was so gutted (disclaimer: 38 weeks pregnant so hormones may have played a part in it!). And I fully appreciate that some people have no help at all and that people are entitled to change their mind and that I chose to have kids etc.

Hopefully you'll get some help whilst you're in hospital and that the weepiness is just the 4 day blues and will pass. Try to sleep if you can and enjoy your snuggly new baby!

2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 15:53:03

Yes have lots of chocolate! Need to start eating it!

i need to put MIL to the back of my mind i know, its just the way it was done. It never comes from her direct always via txt from another family member.

Viviennemary Tue 11-Nov-14 15:53:03

I sympathise. Some people do seem to have form for being full of a cold or sickness bugs when it comes to doing something they want to wriggle out of. I wouldn't rely on her in future. I'd feel like saying if she offered again. Better not offer you might come down with something. But probably wouldn't.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Tue 11-Nov-14 17:53:43

I hope you've made a hole in your choc now OP. How's the newcomer? grin

2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 18:10:52

Clawhands, He is sleeping recharging his batteries for tonight! I won't be going home tonight and maybe not tomorrow as had a kidney scan and need it looked at by urology. More tears shed. I just think generally i feel rubbish and my MIL timing just topped it off.

AesSedai Tue 11-Nov-14 18:14:25

All the way through my pregnancy my MIL has said she will come and help me when i come out of hospital.

If she has form for this type of behaviour why did you a) believe her, and b) rely on her.

Don't ever let her lull you into a false sense of security again. Hope all goes well when you get home.

ClawHandsIfYouBelieveInFreaks Tue 11-Nov-14 18:44:58

Have you had a visitor tonight?

2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 18:46:51

Just my husband briefly bringing me some clean clothes up. My mom had my other children while he popped back up. Dont think that has helped i have hardly seen anyone.

mermaid101 Tue 11-Nov-14 19:16:20

You poor thing. It all sounds quite hard and you've been in a long time.

Is your own mother quite helpful?
Soon you'll be back in your own place and the hormones will settle down a bit.

Take your time. It's a big operation and (in my experience) there's far too much pressure to bounce back far too quickly.

Well done on the new baby. Sounds like you're handling it all really well.

Stalequavers Tue 11-Nov-14 19:18:57

Ah op I remember it well flowers it's not great. Bloody sore!

Congratulations on your new baby though x

2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 19:26:30

My own mom has helped alot with having the children while my husband runs around visiting me, washing clothes bringing new clothes in etc. They are all staying at my moms at the moment. It doesn't help that my four year old is quite a handful so i think my mom is finding him hard to manage. My 2 year old is no problem luckily.

Worrying now what the urologist will say now about my kidney.

Stalequavers Tue 11-Nov-14 19:40:17

Try not to stress to much about your four year old. Your mum will manage. She just needs to keep him alive till you get back! Well done to your dh for dashing about.

Please try and use this time to rest. I know easy said than done. I stayed in for three days and hardly slept a wink it was awful. I remember sat in bed with the curtain round crying my eyes because I didn't know if I should go and have a wee, shuffle and go and have a shower, eat, sleep or stay and watch my dd. It's terrible.

Regarding mil - let it go. I have had murders with my MILs shitty uncaring behaviours and it just take up so much energy. Try enjoy your little baby before the crowds descend ! flowers

2boysandcounting1 Tue 11-Nov-14 20:35:39

Thanks stalequavers, that's what in doing now, sat in bed with curtains round. I have the tv on which helps but if i don't get out soon i will be bankrupt! Its a lifesaver in the night though for passing the time.

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