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to be miffed about this

(11 Posts)
3boys40 Tue 11-Nov-14 12:55:14

so I am a sahm with 2 primary aged boys and a toddler. (well I do a little seasonal work). dh has a well paid responsible job with a long commute. We both have some medical conditions which involve doctors and sometimes hospital appointments. whenever he has an appointment he works from home and than gets to go to appointments. I have to either bring dc with me or occassionally if hospital arrange childcare. I also have to bring toddler to ds2 appointments.
Recently I had a procedure under sedation. Dh couldn't spare a days leave to look after dc. He worked from home an than decided to get a blood test done leaving me to chase after toddler. Fortunately the sedation was mild but I would have loved some time to recupurate.
conversely when he was hospitalised with a chest infection he had a whole week to recuperate. His mum actually took him away for a few days so he could rest. When I drove 150 miles to meet them having single handedly looked after dc all week she clearly expected and to a lesser extent dh to carry on doing all the running around.
It just seems that sahm in particular are just expected to get on with if if ill or take dc with them to appointments or sort childcare out themselves. I remember driving being left with dc when I had been up in the night with diarohhea so dh could go to a football match.
I guess I just feel put upon. Today he was working from home so arranged to get car serviced. As a result he wanted me to drive him to hospital which was fine as I would than be back for my appointment. Something cropped up at work so now he is going in to work in my car. Meaning I have to cancel my appointment and miss my gym class. Obviously I know it is important but I just feel like an unpaid pa. I sort all prescription out for us a d out 2 dc.
aibu to think when I am ill I deserve some support.
o and yes I could get a job but a day job wouldn't cover childcare and dh didn't want me to work nights. I guess he realised he would actually have to get off his arse and put his dc to bed.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar Tue 11-Nov-14 13:03:11

YANBU. In future just make concessions for you and the kids. Don't factor him in at all. Let him see how it feels. Stop organising his shit.

Dudurama Tue 11-Nov-14 13:04:22

I guess you could ask him to pull a sickie to provide support for you?

I kind of think it sounds 50/50 - neither of you is really BU.

holidaysarenice Tue 11-Nov-14 13:16:16

This is where I think those people who view being a sahm as a job come unstuck. He has organised his job to let him go, I.e work from home but you have not organised your job, finding alternative child care.

I view sahp as not in employment/ unemployed and as a family role. Therefore dh should be helping to facilitate that. It's a family commitment, he to make money, you to care, therefore helping each other out.

How do you see yourself?

3boys40 Tue 11-Nov-14 13:33:50

I think it just annoys me that he never has to arrange cover because I am always there. He can go to work conferences, football etc because I will always pick up the pieces. He couldn't spare a days holiday to support me following a procedure and furthermore expected me to look after ds3 whilst he had a blood test literally an hour after my sedation. I was suppossed to not look after dc for 24 hours.

3boys40 Tue 11-Nov-14 13:35:35

I see it as supporting my family. so I guess we are both supporting family. It just feels that I am supporting family 24/7 but dh is 7 till 7.

LadyLuck10 Tue 11-Nov-14 13:42:25

You seem very fed up with your situation. I agree he should be supporting you especially when it's medical issues. Have you spoken to him about this though?

3boys40 Tue 11-Nov-14 13:53:39

Probably do need to talk more but when I do he gets defensive. O and he has just txt to say that he had booked a days holiday so he can do his Christmas shopping in peace. So clearly Christmas shopping is more important.

3boys40 Tue 11-Nov-14 13:55:41

the thing is his medical condition affects his life more than mine. Although my symptoms were worrying tests have come back clear.

holidaysarenice Tue 11-Nov-14 16:36:51

Then text him back and say good, I'll do mine on Saturday the Xdate, you and the kids can have a good time together, or would you rather book another day off and I'll do mine then?
O that is good. I have picked x date make sure you are off.

His choice.
You are only a doormat if you choose to be.

3boys40 Tue 11-Nov-14 18:08:41

tbh I have no desire to take a day to go xmas shopping. It has just upset be that he couldn't take annual leave to support me during the test I had under sedation but could spare a day to go xmas shopping.
I know where his priorities now lie and I am not liking it. I have however, booked a saturday for a cut and colour. I may tsg on a manicure to that and a nice leisurly lunch.

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