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Towards 17 year old daughter

(17 Posts)
ghostspirit Tue 11-Nov-14 09:05:58

my daughter gos to college. she needs a form filled in that's to do with funding. i'm not entilted to the funding. But have been told to fill it in, so that we get a rejection letter. Then we can get help with another form of funding. I need my wage slips and other income detales so means sorting paper work and stuff. She's asking for this at 7.30 in the morning had all night to ask me. had all last week to ask me. but bugs me at 7.30 this morning i have other children to get ready for school. I have to keep on at her to get her butt out of bed as well. I told her she should have asked me last night. she said i was in bed. i did not go to bed until gone 11pm. She had her boyfriend over so to busy messing about with him instead of making sure theses forms are filled in. This morning i refused to fill them in because i don't have time to be going through paper work. I stopped her boyfriend staying over on college nights because she plays up in the mornings and was hardly going to college. he has to leave by 10pm. im now thinking about saying he cant come over at all on college days. until she starts taking some form of responsibility. also everything is everyone elses fault. cant get it through to her that she needs to take responsibility. But no matter what she knows everything and shes always right....

Birdsgottafly Tue 11-Nov-14 09:23:33

I've had three teenage DD's, you may find that this is a learning curve after leaving school and she will be a very different girl within six months, maturity and responsibility wise.

You need a sit down talk, insist on it and ensure it happens.

Have a list in your head (or on paper) what is non negotiable, such as collage attendance, course work and time keeping.

I'd put her on trial and if things don't change, then ban the boyfriend mid week.

If she's old enough to have a boyfriend that she's in a proper relationship with, then she's old enough to be making the transgression into Independance.

Don't go on the attack though, teen girls have a lot going on in their heads.

Birdsgottafly Tue 11-Nov-14 09:24:30

Just to add, you were right to not fill the forms in.

ghostspirit Tue 11-Nov-14 09:29:21

Thanks yes your right. I think i will put in on paper. so that she can also see it.

championnibbler Tue 11-Nov-14 12:33:13

YANBU. As you said, she had all night to ask you for your help. tell her to go do one and do give the issue another thought. She really needs to grow up.

Davsmum Tue 11-Nov-14 12:37:48

This is how many teenagers are.
You were right not to fill the forms in.
So long as you tell them why you are not doing what they are demanding -and that you will refuse again if they do not take responsibility and give you appropriate time/notice to do something......then they have no excuse to be shocked the next time you refuse to do something that they have left to the last minute.

jellybeans Tue 11-Nov-14 14:48:35

My DDs are the same! Drives me mad! I would have refused too.

Andrewofgg Tue 11-Nov-14 14:50:46

Teenagers do rejoin our species eventually. Promise. We did.

Metalguru Tue 11-Nov-14 14:55:57

My dd also 17 does this kind of thing constantly! I always start out meaning to have a reasonable discussion but her responses are so defensive and unreasonable, I end up snapping and then feel guilty as she is sensitive and gets upset if she feels I'm having a go. She can't ever seem to see that anything could have been her fault/ responsibility which drives me mad, but I'm hoping she will grow out of it as she is lovely in lots of other ways.

ghostspirit Tue 11-Nov-14 15:58:34

Yeah i know its a teen ages thing still pees me of though. its like shes gone backwards. when shes was in secondry from age 11 till 16. she would get up early every morning all be all sorted before i even got up. now i have to nag and nag just to get her butt out of bed. hopefully the teenage strops will come to an end soon-ish :/

UncrushedParsley Tue 11-Nov-14 17:23:43

I think it's a big change from school to college tbh. My DD, started college this year and found it stressful in some ways. Hopefully your DD and mine will get more used to it. I refuse to do stuff like this at the last minute too. Hopefully they will learn from consequences to plan ahead better. A good, if slightly pompous quote I heard was "What makes you think a lack of planning on your part constitutes an emergency on mine?" grin

Topseyt Tue 11-Nov-14 17:33:45

My daughters are also like this, especially the middle and youngest ones. It drives me round the bend, and my reaction is much the same as yours. I won't fill the form in / sort out cookery ingredients / cobble together this, that and the other at the last minute in the mornings.

They sometimes then have to explain themselves at school as to why they haven't brought in X etc. Tough. It is the only way mine seem to learn to take responsibility for themselves, which they should be able to do at ages 16 (nearly anyway) and 12.

Mrsjayy Tue 11-Nov-14 17:38:44

They seem to think they are still at school its hard for them to trangress (is that the right word) dd1 was a nightmare at that age at college you need to decide what you will accept and expect I think nearly 17yrold dd is still at school iin 6thyr she is the very same. Btw I would have been livid and wouldnt have faffed with forms at 7 30 either.

LittleBairn Tue 11-Nov-14 17:40:04

Stop waking her up in the mornings she needs to learn the responsibility of waking herself up and good time management along with the consequences of what happens when she fails at it.
The reason she wasn't late for school was probably more to do with fear of punishment. So let her have the embarrassment of having to explain herself at college for poor or late attendance.

Mrsjayy Tue 11-Nov-14 17:42:23

Our 6th yr is a bit like 6th form college so dd is in and out of lessons what I did was just stopped nagging her to get up when she started back in August she gets 1 shout then its up to her really she gets herself out the door on time (just)

ghostspirit Tue 11-Nov-14 17:50:22

hi i cant not wake her because she could get kicked of the course. and im having a housing issues at the moment. and in the info it says they will help children over 16 who live with you if they are in fall time education. and i would also loose tax credits for her and i cant afford to. she would think its great if i dont get her up. dossing about all day

Mrsjayy Wed 12-Nov-14 07:41:28

Right well you need to keep nagging her to get up I have to police dds sleep to just nighttime or she would be on her phone all night, I think the boyfriend leaving early during a colege night is a better idea, it sounds stressful.

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