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step children and inheritance?

(49 Posts)
bedraggledmumoftwo Mon 10-Nov-14 08:32:20

Not a taat but the thread about the grandmother's will has got me thinking...

As executors of dh's grandparents' wills, we are privy to the contents. They are cutting out their only child (dh's mum) due to nc. Instead their wills split everything equally between dh ( their only other living blood relative) and his half sister, his dad's daughter, to whom they are only related through their estranged daughter's marriage.

aibu to be a bit surprised? Before i get flamed, i should say that i absolutely think that it is their right to give their assets to whoever they choose, we love his half sister and wouldn't begrudge her a penny, and the estate will not be significant. They have obviously seen each other at family events (eg our wedding, our children's birthdays/ christenings) but due to the long term estrangement with their daughter this is not frequent, and i do not think they have any other contact. Fwiw, i think it is lovely that they are obviously trying to be "fair" whatever that is, but i was wondering if this is usual?

Monathevampire1 Mon 10-Nov-14 08:39:38

I think it's lovely that they see both your husband and his halfsister as their grandchildren and heirs. It's not unusual.

WooWooOwl Mon 10-Nov-14 08:44:50

No idea how common it is, but if I had enough in cash to leave, which i probably won't, then I would be likely to name my children's half sister (through their father) in my will. It will depend on how relationships go between now and the time I'm old enough to have written my final will, but she is my children's sister, so she's important to me.

thegreylady Mon 10-Nov-14 08:49:28

My step children are treated equally to my children in my will and vice versa in dh's will. When we married we became one family with 5 dc.

tiggytape Mon 10-Nov-14 08:50:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgina1975 Mon 10-Nov-14 08:51:59

We agreed to split our assets between 4 children (1 small DC and 3 adult DSC) according to their needs. Nothing to do with blood relation. We'll regularly review the proportions and update. Small DC currently gets 70% to be held in trust until 25 - guardian (eldest DSC) is main trustee. The 3 adults get 10% each.

I don't think fair necessarily means equal.

Georgina1975 Mon 10-Nov-14 08:55:02

Oh - and we went through the will with DSC. They seemed fine about it.

sickntiredtoo Mon 10-Nov-14 08:55:43

I think it's very unusual

Mmmfishandchips Mon 10-Nov-14 09:00:46

I think it's nice but not necessary.she's already got two parents and two sets of bio grand parents, to remember her in their will. I wonder if they will leave any thing to your dh.
I doubt my step children's dm will be leaving any thing to my dc, so my kids will be getting all my inheritance if there is one.

TwinkleDust Mon 10-Nov-14 09:02:23

Surely if the daughter is NC then she wouldn't want anything to do with a bequest anyway..?

bedraggledmumoftwo Mon 10-Nov-14 09:23:25

I do think it is lovely, but i was rather surprised. But i would be astonished if one of her other grandparents left my dh something, as a pp suggested!

I guess I would maybe expect step- parents to try and make things equal, but not grandparents. But even then, what is equal, as the stepdaughter might then have more "sources" of inheritance, in terms of two sets of parents, extra sets of grandparents etc. No idea what is "fair" or" equal"!

bedraggledmumoftwo Mon 10-Nov-14 09:30:00

It has just occurred to me that my brother has one stepdaughter and one bio son, and i fully assume my parents view them both as grandchildren. I guess the difference is that my brother has been with his wife since the dsd was a baby and her bio father is not on the scene, so they live together as a nuclear family iyswim. Whereas dh's half sister is ten years older than him, and always lived with her mother, so they never lived together as a unit.

LilyPotter Mon 10-Nov-14 09:35:22


LilyPotter Mon 10-Nov-14 09:35:58

My brother has a step-child who has not been included in my parents' wills. They have named their biological grandchildren. I've no idea what he (or rather, SIL) thinks about this.

OwlinaTree Mon 10-Nov-14 09:43:14

Hummm. I think it depends on the family dynamic. My step grandparents had 4 blood GC and then 2 step GC. They left us all the same amount in their will. The bulk of their estate went to their children. They were very sure they wanted us to all have the same. But us step GC has a good relationship with them, saw them regularly etc. We were still surprised tho!

ImTheOneThatKnocks Mon 10-Nov-14 09:44:49

I think it's abit unusual in this case but it really depends on the circumstances. Do you think the GPs are doing it to have a dig at their daughter?

Perhaps the step daughter was particularly nice to them the few times they met?

Inheritance and step children is an interesting subject. If there were big estates involved being a step child could work out in your favour - financially at least.

Dasie Mon 10-Nov-14 09:51:57

Maybe something happened in the past between NC daughter and your DH's half sister that made them want to share with her?
A history that you are unaware of?

Trickydecision Mon 10-Nov-14 09:52:50

Were DS2 to marry his new partner, I would not be leaving any money to her daughter, his stepchild. She has her own grandparents who can sort her out. Never in a million years would they be leaving anything to her potential stepchildren, i.e. DS's kids. They don't even give them birthday or Christmas presents.

I endeavour to be 'the bigger person' when it comes to the little girl's birthday etc, but I draw the line at leaving her anything at the expense of my own grandchildren.

Dawndonnaagain Mon 10-Nov-14 09:55:47

My wonderful step mother included me equally in her will with her children and grandchild. It was incredibly kind as well as a huge shock, I hadn't for a second expected anything other than a few of my Dad's things that she'd kept after he died. It was a lovely and very generous thing to do.

Frustratedformil Mon 10-Nov-14 10:00:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frustratedformil Mon 10-Nov-14 10:01:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow Mon 10-Nov-14 10:03:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trickydecision Mon 10-Nov-14 10:38:15

needaholiday, pleased we are more or less in the same wavelength here. I was wondering if I was being a bit churlish about DS's potential DSD.

needaholidaynow Mon 10-Nov-14 10:45:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sn00p4d Mon 10-Nov-14 10:46:57

My step-grandfather has been in my life for over 20 years, my stepbrother is 21 so was about 6 months when we 'blended' he died last Christmas, leaving my stepbrother 10k and me nothing. I'm not bothered to be honest. It's his choice, would have been nice to be thought of but it doesn't bother me that I wasnt x

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