AIBU to ponder the priorities of this person?(44 Posts)
I probably am - but anyway, here goes.
I am for the moment living with a relative of mine. She's agreed to me staying for 2 months whilst I get some stuff sorted and can move out. Long story, won't go in to it. We get on fine so there's no arguing or drama, and I really appreciate being able to stay here - please don't chuck the "unthankful git" on me, because I am thankful
She looks immaculate all the time - fake eyelashes and nails all the time, even has a wig for when she cba to do her hair! Wears posh clothes and high heels every day, (She's nearly 60). She looks pretty good for her age! But she has a bath once a week? Because she works in an office and doesn't get sweaty. Is it just me who thinks perhaps twice a week would be better? Her feet smells...pretty bad. Haha
She washes clothes only once a week, and only a few items, I've never seen more than 1 pair of knickers in the wash at the same time. Seems odd to me. Perhaps everything is dry clean only?
She's only changed the bedding once in the so far 7 weeks I've stayed here - and that was yesterday, after I finally convinced her that the cat has fleas. I've been saying it since the week I moved in, because I have bites everywhere, and I know this cat picks up fleas like nobody's business (it used to be my cat, she adopted it - they're a great match!). I eventually gave the cat a good brush and showed her the flea poo that came with the fur.
Her house is always very, very tidy, but it is absolutely filthy. She has never hoovered in her life (not lying here, this is true), she's always had her ex husband do it, and after him her next partner, but since then nothing. I have hoovered of course since moving in, but I don't think it had been done for nearly a year before then. She doesn't know where the mop is (because she never use it) so cleaning the floor is difficult, and there's no bucket to put water in either, nor does she have any soap! Mind - I've bought cleaning stuff so I can clean now, I'm not totally lame But some places in the kitchen are so greased up, that I just cannot get it off at all, and it's not my job to scrub of several years worth of grease tbh.
Please don't make this into a debate of me being / not being thankful for staying here - I am just wondering if all this is normal and acceptable, and if I am being a clean freak? My house was never that tidy, but I tried to keep it clean and dust free. I shower every other day at least, and think that's pretty normal.
Its hard not to say you sound ungreatful because you are slagging her off for things you have only found out because this person has welcomed you into her home.
To show her how grateful you are for her hospitality, help with the cleaning, bed linen and laundry.
Hmm. Yeah, she just sounds dirty. I couldn't live somewhere with fleas though Op, how have you endured that?
It's obviously normal and acceptable to her. And she is doing those things that matter to her, or perhaps those things it is easy for her to do.
It's a good idea that you have bought some cleaning stuff and will get stuck in. Perhaps you could work through some of the things that you think would benefit from being done. See it as 'your job' not because you put it there, but a) because it bothers you and b) because it might be a nice way to show her that you appreciate her kindness in taking you in.
Unless of course you think she will be offended by you cleaning?
You are not being a neat freak, people just have different standards of cleanliness. Can you buy a cheap flea collar or better still the stuff for the back of the neck for the cat?
I'm surprised she doesn't get a cleaner, unless she really can't afford one. IT sounds liek she's used to someone else doing it. Perhaps she's seen you as the next person living with her who'll earn their 'keep' cleaning?
addictedtobass her ex husband did all the housework for 30 years, so she has never really had to do it herself. She could absolutely afford a cleaner, and she has no health problems that would prevent her from cleaning either. She might indeed see me as the next person to clean her house, albeit temporary. The cat has now had flea treatment so it'll be sorted out.
vitalstatistix I do clean! I thought I made that clear in my post, but I suppose not. I just can't get rid of a lot of it, it's just been there too long. I wouldn't know how to, tried to scrub and it just won't come off. She doesn't notice it though, it's not on her radar. I have a little baby with me too, and baby is crawling around everywhere, so I don't quite have time to clean all day
scarletforya I've had cats for many years, and so I know it's just one of those things that will get out of hand if you don't keep up with flea treatment. I've told her this, but she doesn't really take me seriously, hence it has been a bit of a long term problem. She told me she would sort it out, but she obviously hasn't since they are still there.
NotTheKitchen She would not want me to help out with her bed linen and laundry - she is not disabled. I do help out with the cleaning, so that is not a very helpful comment
Rabbit You've got the wrong end of the stick - expected since this is AIBU. I get on with her and we have lots in common. I am not slagging her off, her personality is nice and all that - I am just wondering if I am being a neat freak or if she is perhaps a bit unusual in her habits. She knows I am not living her out of choice, and I have a baby with me as well. We would not be here if we had a choice, and the circumstances behind are quite sad and painful, so it's not something I want to discuss. Perhaps you lack certain habits yourself, and so got a bit defensive ;)
I think that's very unusual and it's not ungrateful to notice it! Although I have known a few very well "put together" people who didn't eg shower before nights out because it's too much work to put yourself together again from
Being stripped down
Maybe she just thinks germs/hygiene is a load of nonsense, and as long as things look tidy then that's good enough for her?
She sounds dirty. It's great that you are there to clean a bit - maybe she'll realise the error of her ways while you stay with her.
Buy some frontline and de-flea the poor cat.
I think it's unusual for people to be very tidy but then not clean. Normally dirty implies messy (though messy doesn't always imply dirty).
Maybe she showers when she gets to the office, if she has an unpleasant commute? My DH does.
skylark2 she has a 30 min drive to work - nothing bad. She's said she only showers once a week because she doesn't get sweaty at work So she obviously sees nothing wrong with that.
TheReluctant* Cat is sorted out now! Going to deflea all the carpets tomorrow. I don't think she will realise but at least she will get a "fresh start" :P
serenitysutton that's a very good point! Could very well be the case, she does put a lot of effort in to her looks, and it sure can be time consuming!
saucy you're probably right!
I wouldn't want my baby crawling on filthy floors. Buy a mop
peasandlove if you reread, you can see that I have bought cleaning stuff and am cleaning the floors. I'm just asking whether this is normal habits and if I am being weird, or if she's a bit unusual.
Err I wasn't asking about your circumstances its irrelevant to the
slagging off of your host enquiry.
If she were your guest YWNBU to want her to meet your standards but you are hers whether that would be your choice in an ideal world or not you are living in her home. My housekeeping standards (always clean sometimes messy btw) has nothing to do with it either.
The bath thing really wouldn't bother me as I was a child that grew up in era of sunday baths and even then the water was shared. Stinky feet would as I made my nephew bin his socks and I got him some new ones cos I couldn't stomach the smell when he lived with me.
What about suggesting getting her a cleaner come in a few hours a week?
IgnoreMe If I suggested getting a cleaner, I think she would be very offended and probably ask me to pay for it! (She can afford it) So I never say anything of course, just get on with cleaning and keep my head down about it.
Rabbit you still have got the wrong end of the stick But ok. Can't reach everyone with only typed words.
IgnoreMe sorry - misread! I can't afford to pay for a cleaner here
Get some soda crystals and mix them with red hot water, that'll get rid of the grease and dirt. You'll have to use a bit of elbow grease and maybe a scourer too. It's excellent for floors, as well.
I couldn't live that and I don't understand how people (MH issues aside) can.
Thank you, TheFairyCaravan I'll give it a go. She doesn't have any MH issues or any health issues whatsoever, so it's certainly not that
It is a bit weird but really it is her business.
If you want to stay there and want it cleaner then check if she minds and get to it.
You can't really expect her to change her ways to suit you.
I feel for you as it drove me mad having my nephew live with me all his untidy, dirty habits. Just keep focusing on it's only temporary. But housekeeping section will have some good tips if you wanting help with getting rid of the dirt/grease.
She may have always been brought up with once a week bath. Although I now shower daily until I was late teens we had a bath once a week. Any more than that was only if we got 'dirty'.
Same with clothes, only washed if they smelt or were physically dirty. DGM only did washing on a Monday morning, no automatic washing machine. A whites wash a coloureds wash and a handwash. Any more was a waste of water/electricity.
The dirty floors etc..not so good, but if she has always been that way she obviously isn't bothered.
Morloth I'm certainly not expecting her to change her ways, simply wondering if it's me being weird, or her being a bit unusual - or both.
IgnoreMe it's hard when it's not somebody's personality that is a problem, just a habit or lack of habit!
Feckitall She probably was brought up that way, I still think it is a bit strange to keep that as a habit in this day and age I do find the washing bit weird though, because she's always wearing different clothes - often two outfits a day (got an enormous wardrobe) yet only washes 6-7 items per week.
Anyway, I've had the responses I needed Thanks all. Bye!
It is unusual. I absolutely agree with you that it's not your responsibility, but Deepio is a cheap degreaser and literally dissolves the grease before your eyes.
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