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To not want to celebrate my birthday?

(8 Posts)
overthehillandroundthemountain Sun 09-Nov-14 20:01:20

NC as I don't want to upset people I know. I told everyone not to go to any fuss on my 40th a few months ago. My 2 closest friends just bought small gifts like other years and gave a small nod (although even that was a bridge too far). Now a few mum friends have clearly organised a whip round and want to meet for lunch, making sure I am there. What do I do? One of the mums who went out whistles and bells on her birthday just before mine, had her eye on my birthday date and other hints she has given suggest it's this, even though I explicitly told them I don't like celebrating any birthday of mine, let alone this one. Help! AIBU?

vienna1981 Sun 09-Nov-14 20:16:51

You aren't being unreasonable. When all said and done it's your birthday and you can do what you like. No permission, no approval. Anyone who can't accept that can whistle.

SavoyCabbage Sun 09-Nov-14 20:19:13

So your birthday was a few months ago and they are looking to do something for it now?

LadyLuck10 Sun 09-Nov-14 20:19:26

Just go to the lunch, enjoy your moment and appreciate that people like you enough to want you to feel special. It's not the worst thing that can happen.

overthehillandroundthemountain Mon 10-Nov-14 12:04:34

Thank you all!

I really feel like standing my ground, as vienna1981 says. I feel my right is to not attend.

Yes, Savoycabbage, I assume it too them a while to get a gift together and stuff like that. I also feel annoyed that it's so long after the original event. If they're gonna celebrate my birthday, the least they can do is to choose the correct date. What to do?

Maybe you're right LadyLuck10, maybe I should be more grateful that they want to do their best. It doesn't make me feel special at all, though, it makes me feel that if I had chosen to celebrate I should have gone out all bells and whistles, too. If anything it makes me feel worse!

So my next question to you: how do you tell them no? I've already made excuses for the lunch (not excuses really as I am out of the country with work right now). Do I keep making excuses? At some stage I will have to face them! How would you tell them 'no thanks'?

WerewolfBarMitzvah Mon 10-Nov-14 12:11:38

Why don't you talk to them, say you've heard they want a lunch for your birthday but you don't want the fuss. Then suggest you all get together for a lunch anyway (and each pays for their own) and make not about you.
Or suggest a Christmas lunch together next month?

JessieMcJessie Mon 10-Nov-14 13:04:44

I really don't get adults celebrating birthdays. They happen every year, we all have them and they bring you one year closer to death. Not sure why that deserves a party.

musicalendorphins2 Mon 10-Nov-14 15:23:04

Werewolf has it.
Could you tell them that while you appreciate the thought, the reason you didn't do anything for your birthday is because you really didn't feel like it, and let's switch this around to be a Christmas lunch.

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