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to ask who ibu

(20 Posts)
fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 18:07:22

We have 3 dc including a 2yr 2mth old. We decided to remove bottom stairgate as dd3 is quite secure on stairs and dd1 friend had once again pulled it off the wall. We still kept top stairgate as I was worried about her falling if she woke in the night. Also I don't want her to have free reign upstairs.
so this afternoon I decide to wet comb dd1s hair as she has some head lice and her hair is very long and takes ages to dry. dd2 and dd3 were playing downstairs and dh was watching tv.
ds3 decided to come upstairs and was playing happily at the top of the stairs. As soon as I could I planned to get to her but before I could she managed to pull stairgate off the wall and ended up falling down the steps. The stairgate ended up on top of her. Fortunately she was fine. Dh though got angry and said that I should have left gate open so she could have gone though.
who wbu. Thank you.

freezation Sun 09-Nov-14 18:10:44

Hmm, tricky one. Tbh I'd be more concerned about your stargate coming off so easily. But I only have the stargate closed if my toddler is upstairs. If she's downstairs then what's the point of the upstairs one being closed?

FrontForward Sun 09-Nov-14 18:11:31

Well the accident was caused because a child who is competent on stairs couldn't get through the stair gate. (Think it would challenge me to be stuck on a top stair tbh!) So who ever allowed a child to climb stairs but be stuck at the top caused the accident. Sorry.

In the old days when baby walkers were deemed acceptable I put my DD in one and she toppled into a flower bed full of rose bushes if this makes you feel better... Accidents happen.

HandbagCrazy Sun 09-Nov-14 18:12:11

I think YABU I'm afraid. If you want to remove the bottom stair gate then you need to make sure you're there and removing her from the risk of falling down if she climbs the stairs. If you can't do this as you're busy then the bottom gate serves a purpose and you should keep it.

However, if you DH was downstairs when she started climbing then he should have been watching her and the gate makes no difference!

diddl Sun 09-Nov-14 18:14:27

So you were busy & your husband wasn't?

Did he know that the youngest was heading upstairs?

Was there something stopping him getting off his arse?

If the gate wasn't secure to the wall the fact of it being closed may not have been a factor.

Oakmaiden Sun 09-Nov-14 18:15:56

Both - you could have left the gate open, but if your dh was supposed to be watching her then he should have made sure she wasn't playing on the stairs.

diddl Sun 09-Nov-14 18:16:28

if the top gate is just for security in the night, then perhaps it should only be closed when she is in bed?

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers Sun 09-Nov-14 18:19:05

If the top gate is only there for night time security then maybe just put it on the bedroom door instead? That's where mine is grin

HedgehogsDontBite Sun 09-Nov-14 18:28:05

Whoever installed the gates is being unreasonable. Small children shouldn't be able to pull them down.

fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 18:31:40

thank you for response. tbh part of me didn't want dd3 to come into bathroom or ensuite whilst I was busy with dd1. dd3 is obsessed with toilets so it can get messy if she isn't supervised. so whilst the gate is for nightime use mainly it is also to stop her having free reign of the house.

fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 18:32:58

that would be dh than hedgehog. maybe time to reinstate bottom one.

fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 18:36:05

but dh was there handbag.

Hassled Sun 09-Nov-14 18:36:12

Yes - a toddler absolutely should not be able to pull a stairgate off and if neither you or your DH can't make it properly secure then you should find someone who can.

fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 20:24:17

tbf it is tricky to fit stairgate due to bannister.

fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 20:25:36

however it did appear secure

WooWooOwl Sun 09-Nov-14 20:58:14

You shouldn't have let her play at the top of the stairs. If you were aware that's where she was, you should have gone to her straight away or shouted for your DH to do it.

Bit if your DH was supposed to be watching her while you were doing your other dds hair, it's mostly his fault.

Either way, it was an accident, focussing too much on blame is not helpful to you.

BaffledSomeMore Sun 09-Nov-14 21:04:51

If you want to be able to keep her downstairs without supervising her then you need a gate at the bottom too.

notagainffffffffs Sun 09-Nov-14 21:08:02

You need to screw thwm into the wall and stop blaming each other

fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 22:13:05

I only posted as I was upset he shouted at me. I was in the middle of shampooing dd1 hair so came as soon as I could. Dh refused to get screw in type.

fab84 Sun 09-Nov-14 22:15:59

Thats just it though I though dh was supervising them but clearly the grand prix was more interesting.

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