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To think this is unfair (child care related)

(111 Posts)
babyiwantabump Sun 09-Nov-14 11:18:21

Background : I have a 10 month old DS am currently on maternity leave but going back to work soon . DP works full time . In laws were going to be providing a small amount of child are for us as they are both retired my parents both still work full time .

Now basically SIL has recently had a baby . The in laws have now said that they cannot provide the small amount if child care as they now have to look after SIL.

SIL is married , lives with her partner and is 10 years older than me. She is a stay at home mum. She goes to her parents with the baby every day and her mum occasionally goes to SIL's to stay overnight.

AIBU to feel pissed off that because SIL is being precious I may have to reduce my work hours and loose ££ a week as we effectively now have no child care and we were promised it first!

Dons hard hat but crosses arms and sulks!

DearGirl Sun 09-Nov-14 11:20:21

Your baby your responsibility.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 09-Nov-14 11:20:37

Yanbu that's shitty. I would be really upset.

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Sun 09-Nov-14 11:21:39

You have no idea how SIL is coping with her baby - she may have crippling PND for eg and really need the help.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 09-Nov-14 11:22:19

Yes I understand your baby your responsibility blah blah blah, but in laws promised something and changed tge arrangements, it would have been better if tgey did not offer in the first place, especially they know their dd is pregnant and they might be needed.

SonOfFlump Sun 09-Nov-14 11:22:39

Sounds to me as though they are favouring one grandchild above the other.

Mintyy Sun 09-Nov-14 11:23:12

Yanbu to be disgruntled that something which was promised to you (was it promised?) has been arbitrarily taken away.

Vitalstatistix Sun 09-Nov-14 11:23:31

I can understand that you are miffed but really you don't have a choice but to accept it. They provided childcare while they were able, now circumstances have changed and they can no longer do it. Would it be so different if the reason was their ill health or accident or age or just plain not wanting to?

Since you can't make them, you really just have to be ok with their choice, otherwise it's going to eat you up and that won't feel good.

Maybe there is a reason it is suddenly all hands on deck for your sister in law, that perhaps has not been shared with you.

Have you looked into other childcare options, like childminder etc? Are they doable?

ENormaSnob Sun 09-Nov-14 11:23:53


HermioneWeasley Sun 09-Nov-14 11:24:20

Having made the offer YANBU to be cross it's being changed, but they don't owe you regular free Childcare so nothing to be done.

Vitalstatistix Sun 09-Nov-14 11:24:35

tsk, they were willing to provide childcare while they were able but now circumstances have changed and they are no longer going to be able to do it. I mean.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 09-Nov-14 11:24:40

My gripe woukd be towards in laws not sil, yes she might have PND, not coping well, but should have know their dd might need help.

DoughnutSelfie Sun 09-Nov-14 11:25:07

Yes that would sting a bit.

But hey, you may have swerved the awkward Grandma and Grandad ignoring your wishes thing that comes with family doing child care #silverlining

Grit teeth and plough on

basgetti Sun 09-Nov-14 11:26:31

YANBU to be fed up, but the fact that she goes to her parents everyday and MIL is staying overnight too might suggest that she is currently in need of extra support so maybe there is more to it.

SonOfFlump Sun 09-Nov-14 11:27:11

But hey, you may have swerved the awkward Grandma and Grandad ignoring your wishes thing that comes with family doing child care #silverlining

Loving this positive spin smile

DoughnutSelfie Sun 09-Nov-14 11:28:20


babyiwantabump Sun 09-Nov-14 11:29:15

Yes it was promised .

They have not provided any care what so ever as I am still off work .

It was only 2 mornings a week that they were going to do as DS is going to be in nursery 2 days anyway but those two mornings would have enabled me to return full time instead of part time.

maddening Sun 09-Nov-14 11:29:21

Yanbu - they have treated you badly, nothing you can do obviously but it does show you how much or little regard they have for your dc and your Dh and by proxy you, and that would impact my relationship with them if it were me.

MummyBeerest Sun 09-Nov-14 11:30:36

Yanbu. I'd be upset if they pulled out in that situation too. But I wouldn't blame SIL. She may not have anything to do with it.

babyiwantabump Sun 09-Nov-14 11:32:16

She has stayed with them or they with her since baby was born - 3 months now nearly .

I just feel like it's a bit unfair - as it will now fall to me to sort something as DP and his family do fuck all to help towards DS .

But that's a whole other thread!

FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle Sun 09-Nov-14 11:33:00

Ok that last post frames it for me - your problem is your DP, not his family.

DaisyFlowerChain Sun 09-Nov-14 11:34:33

If it was only two mornings a week, then can't you use the nursery more or the person who was having your child at the other times (one day two afternoons) to do the extra?

They shouldn't have changed their minds but she is their daughter and always likely to be closer to them and come first.

Laquitar Sun 09-Nov-14 11:34:35

YANBU, it sounds unfair but remember that sil will own them a favour and you will not.

babyiwantabump Sun 09-Nov-14 11:36:18

Yes I have issues with DP over this aswell as this was his "contribution" towards the child care . (I am paying for nursery myself)

But now I have to drop hours or find further childcare.

It sucks.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 09-Nov-14 11:37:29

Therein lies your problem. DP. Don't waste time on what his parents should or shouldn't be doing, get that sorted.

My advice to you is to go back full time while you have the opportunity, even if for now it doesn't make you much better off financially. It sounds like you might need your job in the future.

Have you looked at using a childminder instead of a nursery?

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