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to be fuuuuming with DH

(17 Posts)
suzanski Sun 09-Nov-14 10:21:42

Ok, small problem I know, but I am so mad, and would like some perspective. DH, after negotiation, had agreed to get DS organised for his morning footy at the weekend, as I get both DC organised each day during the week. DH sits at table reading paper until I remind him they have to leave in 10 mins, whereupon he continues to sit at the table, barking at DS to go get his kit on. No checking it is being done, just sitting at the table "because he has to learn to get ready himself". Cue DS being slow to change, and DH being really mad with him, and me, and leaving late for the match. AIBU to think that an eight year old needs more than 10 minutes to get changed into full footy kit, do his teeth and organise his water bottle? Feel like Sunday has been ruined already!

tiggytape Sun 09-Nov-14 10:24:27

YANBU but if you want him to take charge of it, you probably need to let him get on with it and realise for himself how long DS takes. It might take a few weeks where they are late / stressed / get moaned at by the team.

If you hand over the job but then micromanage it, you get the worst of both worlds. You're still doing the job yourself but have the added stress and resentment of DH causing DS to be late.

maddening Sun 09-Nov-14 10:48:43

How old are dc?

tiggytape Sun 09-Nov-14 10:49:18


maddening Sun 09-Nov-14 10:49:54

Sorry you said - ds obviously needs more help and Dh is not being constructive in addressing it.

Isetan Sun 09-Nov-14 10:50:14

I hassle 7 year DD to get dressed during the week or we would never be on time for school. Weekend activities are different, I remind once and expect her to get on with it, if shes late it's her lookout. I can't run the risk of regularly leaving her to it in the week but last week I was so fed up of her faffing that I left her to it and we were late. DD complained to the teacher that me not contantly reminding her was the reason she was late, her teacher said that my responsibility ended when I laid out her clothes and told her to get dressed.

Your DH's way was lazy but children have to learn to take some responsibility and getting themselves dressed should be one they learn early on.

3littlefrogs Sun 09-Nov-14 10:50:51

You need to leave the house and let them get on with it.

Sunna Sun 09-Nov-14 10:51:51

8 is old enough to know what time he leaves, he should organises himself but your DH should check he has everything.

My DCs missed a few sessions of things they enjoyed because I refused to nag them. They wanted to go - their job to sort themselves out.

MajesticWhine Sun 09-Nov-14 10:52:57

YANBU, but agree with what tiggy said, don't micromanage

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 09-Nov-14 10:56:33


Either hand the responsibility over or don't.

No, it shouldn't take an 8 yo more than 10 minutes to get dressed and brush their teeth. Get it sorted out then you'll have less awful school mornings.

gamerchick Sun 09-Nov-14 10:57:59

It's all very well to say get in with it but it's hard to watch somebody get cross with your kid just because they can't be arsed to help. Why did his dad need reminding anyway? That's the bit that got me.. poor . little bugger gets a telling off when it . could be avoided.

But I still need to dress and feed my nearly 8 yr old so my view may be a bit bendy.

needtomanup Sun 09-Nov-14 11:05:13

YABU At 8 he should be well able to get dressed and ready unless there are underlining problems but do agree he needs more than 10 minutes. It was the first week for your dh so maybe he'll realise he needs to supervise a bit more next weekend and maybe your 8 year old will realise he needs to be more responsible and hurry up so he can turn up on time.

however Sun 09-Nov-14 11:19:50

Ah yes. I call that 'seated parenting'. Drives me nuts.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 09-Nov-14 12:53:55

YABU, either he is doing it or you are.

Gillian1980 Sun 09-Nov-14 13:09:51

Yanbu but I do think a different approach is needed.

I would have thought that more than 10 minutes is needed and some guidance too. Even if not needed specifically, I prefer to interact with the kids rather than shout orders from behind the paper.

But I do think you need to leave him to it to work out for himself. Otherwise you'll continue being stressed and may as well still be doing it yourself. Go out, or have a lie in, or be elsewhere in the house...

suzanski Sun 09-Nov-14 20:31:10

thanks to all - some useful points here about not micro managing, and leaving him to it! He did actually apologise afterwards, which made me feel a bit better.

Chiggers Sun 09-Nov-14 21:09:14

DD is 8yo and used to faff about just the same and take ages to get ready etc. I've found that she now only takes 45mins to get up, washed, brush teeth, dressed, breakfast, snack & drink sorted, coat off hanger, check school stuff (books/PE kit etc) and hair done.

DD loves her sleep so the idea of getting up earlier to accommodate her faffing, has put a stop to it grin

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