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AIBU to be annoyed at my uncle?

(14 Posts)
Leonhart Sun 09-Nov-14 09:49:39


First time poster (also male!).

A bit of history : moved away from hometown years ago and have managed (eventually in some cases) to have a good relationship with most of my family. However, my uncle just doesn't seem that comfortable around me.

I came out as gay at 17 and ever since then the hugs etc were swapped for distant handshakes and pleasantries instead of proper meaningful conversations.

At this stage worth mentioning I've never fallen out with him, just a shift in attitude.

I was home recently and similar distant attitude (avoids saying bye when I leave in case I go for a hug I presume!) and also had to call him up on his very right wing attitude to foreigners and the EU (a UKIP voter for sure!) albeit in a roundabout way.

AIBU to be mad at his behaviour and on top of that, his support of a xenophobic and homophobic political party?

WonkoTheSane42 Sun 09-Nov-14 09:55:20

He sounds like an arsehole.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Sun 09-Nov-14 09:59:07

Well he is what he is and you are how you are.

He's entitled to his opinions and to not hug you, just as you are entitled to yours.

MsJupiter Sun 09-Nov-14 10:06:00

It must be very hurtful to feel that rejection. Have you ever tried talking to him about it away from others? Or do you not really have that type of relationship?

I guess depending on how close you are to him and how important it is to you, you may want to consider letting go of this one and focusing on the other, better relationships you seem to have with the rest of your family.

Have you ever talked to whichever of your parents he is brother to about this?

Leonhart Sun 09-Nov-14 10:12:02

Thanks for the replies. I think it's more the fact that there has been a few family feuds that I don't want to contribute to because it hurts my grandparents quite a lot.

He's actually an uncle by marriage. I can foresee it being difficult to let it slide
A) for treating me differently due to sexuality
B) I get on really well with his kids (my cousins) and my auntie (his wife)

Everyone else has been very supportive apart from him!

Leonhart Sun 09-Nov-14 10:13:18


I would appreciate that POV had he been like that since I was little. It's more the fact that he's changed without any antagonism or argument from my side

BitchesGetStuffDone Sun 09-Nov-14 10:14:50

I wouldn't want to hug a homophobe, might catch something.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Sun 09-Nov-14 10:29:34

I understand but unfortunately some people are just silly and prejudiced.

I think you should just be as polite to him as he is go you and concentrate on your nicer relatives.

You can't please everyone and you can't change people. Two pieces of truth that help get you through life.

TooMuchCantBreathe Sun 09-Nov-14 10:45:47

The body is right, he's got his opinion on homosexuality and you have yours. He's not being nasty, refusing to have you in his house or trying to "convert" you he's just uncomfortable. Imo you just have to accept that hehecan't deal with it and move on. Being angry will only affect you and potentially jeopardise your relationship with aunt and cousins. Whilst it's easy to say he's wrong it's more difficult to change that.we're all different and have things we can and can't cope with - rightly or wrongly.

aprilanne Sun 09-Nov-14 11:18:30

i would not let it bother you some people are just not comfortable with hugs .my son has a gay friend and every time i see him i get a kiss and cuddle .he alway,s teases my hubby /well gives a kiss then type conversation knowing full well my hubby,s attitude .but he also knows my hubby really likes him that,s the main thing .maybe your uncle likes you as a person just not touchy feely .or maybe he is just an idiot

Aeroflotgirl Sun 09-Nov-14 11:30:16

Just leave it, treat him how he treats you.

ChasedByBees Sun 09-Nov-14 12:27:26

He's a prejudiced idiot but I don't think you'll be able to change him. So the only thing you can change is your actions. Do you have to spend time with him?

scarletforya Sun 09-Nov-14 12:33:22

Really though Op, you need to stop caring.

You can't please all the people all the time, etc.

Andrewofgg Sun 09-Nov-14 13:00:39

If you are meeting him somewhere which is not your home you will just have to put up with his rantings if you want to go there at all. I had to listen to MIL's rantings about foreigners in her home and in BILs' and other rellies' homes - in mine I pulled her up and insisted on a change of subject.

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