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To insist on having SIL's address?

(69 Posts)
LuckyLopez Sat 08-Nov-14 20:17:36

SIL has moved in with her fiancé recently and we've not been invited around or anything so although I have a rough idea of where it is, not exactly.

She's just asked dh if she can have our dc for a sleepover. They've been before (at a previous home) and had a wonderful time, very kind of her etc. etc.

She said she'll collect them from school on the Friday and drop them home Sunday lunchtime. Dh invited then for Sunday lunch, all great.

Whilst on the phone I wrote dh a msg telling him to get her address. He frowned and waved it away. After, he said why? SIL was doing the running around so what did I need it for. I don't need it but I want it. I'd like to know where my children are for two nights.

I have since text SIL and she's also asked why? 'Is it to send me a Christmas card? You can just leave it at mum's'. I've said I want it so I know where the dc will be and she's replied with a hmm

I trust her implicitly. She great and generous and I have no doubts on her ability to care for them. They also aren't babies but AIBU to insist I have her address before they go?

I'm beginning to think they think I'm barking!

duckbilled Sat 08-Nov-14 20:20:38

I would be very uncomfortable not knowing where my child was! Why won't she just tell you? Maybe she has won the lottery and doesn't want you to see her new abode and uncover her fortune??! shock

Letthemtalk Sat 08-Nov-14 20:20:38

Yanbu at all. Am very surprised that dh doesn't know where his sister lives!

Icimoi Sat 08-Nov-14 20:20:43

What I don't understand is - what's the big deal about giving it to you?

Yes, in your shoes I would want to know where my children are. You don't have to justify it, you're entitled to know

formerbabe Sat 08-Nov-14 20:20:52

It is odd. Just lie and say you are doing your Christmas cards!

Stealthpolarbear Sat 08-Nov-14 20:21:02

No yanbu that's odd of her. Surely most people would get why you wanted to know. When pils take the children away to a caravan site they make sure we have the address!

caker Sat 08-Nov-14 20:22:24

That's really odd that no one will tell you!

Dunwhingin Sat 08-Nov-14 20:22:56

There is no way in the world I would ever let my dd stay somewhere I hadn't visited let alone not know the address of.
I don't care if she is your SIL she is out of order not understanding and taking the piss!
Being a good middle class girl, I'd have sent you and change of address card by now anyway wink

Not BU at all, I take it SIL is yet to have kids of her own?

ImperialBlether Sat 08-Nov-14 20:27:46

Not only would I not let my small children stay with someone unless I had the address, I wouldn't let them stay with someone who thought that this was unreasonable.

mynewpassion Sat 08-Nov-14 20:27:52

Phone number is sufficient. I don't know my siblings address.

LuckyLopez Sat 08-Nov-14 20:27:52

You're right she doesn't have kids yet.

FruitCakey Sat 08-Nov-14 20:30:42

One moment, I don't get why it's all a big secret. Shouldn't you know where your SIL lives irregardless of whether DC are sleeping there or not? I am confused? Why is everyone implyinh that it's strange of you for wanting her address? Tell her that not only would you like her address because DC are staying but because you would also like to know where your family live.

This is being made in to something major when it's simply you wanting her address.


Yika Sat 08-Nov-14 20:31:02

YANBU. Her reaction was very weird.

Foxbiscuitselection Sat 08-Nov-14 20:32:11

She won't understand till she has kids of her own.

How silly to make you feel like you are being unreasonable.

FruitCakey Sat 08-Nov-14 20:32:17


SilentAllTheseYears Sat 08-Nov-14 20:33:07

YANBU. I always insist on knowing the address where my DCs are.

cardibach Sat 08-Nov-14 20:35:54

mynewpassion really? I can't imagine not knowing where mine lived!
As others have said, it's the reluctance to tell you that would bother me - if she just neglected to tell you until you asked it would be one thing, but questioning the need is odd.

NinjaPanda34 Sat 08-Nov-14 20:36:28

Do your kids have a "find my friends" app in their phone? That way, you just wait until they go there, "find them" and hey presto you'll have her address. Simples.

ThePinkOcelot Sat 08-Nov-14 20:37:27

My dds wouldn't be staying anywhere that I didn't know where they were! Why the big secret?!

PoppyWearer Sat 08-Nov-14 20:38:30

You need an address to send the thank you flowers, obviously.

I'd be very uncomfortable not knowing where my DCs were...

ghostvitruvius Sat 08-Nov-14 20:39:25


Very weird that she won't tell you, or course you want to know where your children will be!

AlpacaLypse Sat 08-Nov-14 20:41:14

NinjaPanda your kids might have a 'find my friends' app on their phone. Unfortunately OP hasn't stated what age her children are let alone whether they have phones or not. And even if they were teenagers with that sort of app available to them I'd not feel 100% comfortable.

lomega Sat 08-Nov-14 20:42:19

It's very odd how she is refusing to tell you. Why not? Does she think it's a 'seedy' place or something and you won't let your DC stay there if you don't approve?

Just tell her you want to send her a moving in card or want to write it down in your address book for future ref. If she still doesn't give it to you and you feel strongly about knowing where your DC are, insist they don't come to see her until you have it.

Sounds like she's just being a bit weird and controlling to me. yanbu or 'bonkers' lol

skylark2 Sat 08-Nov-14 20:42:32

My kids have occasionally been places where I haven't had the address (DD went on holiday with a friend, I had lots of phone numbers), but I certainly wouldn't send them somewhere that the adult in charge had refused to give me the address of.

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 08-Nov-14 20:44:10

You're not being OP she is! I would send another msg saying in case of an emergency you will need her address

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