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To ask if you were me what would you do?

(52 Posts)
wanderingthroughmountains Sat 08-Nov-14 15:53:04

Early/mid 30s


Own home outright and have part ownership of second property

Professional role

A second job that pays just above minimum wage but do it for the love

No real interest in travel or living abroad

Erm ... I think that's it ...

Here's the thing, I feel quite low and lonely and stuck in a bit of a rut. I know I've got a lot going for me but I'm finding being single and having no family of my own quite tough.

Any thoughts as to how I can enhance my life a bit?

Shakey1500 Sat 08-Nov-14 15:55:57

With two jobs, are you perhaps restricting an otherwise-might-meet-some-interesting-folk social life?

Have you tried the usual "join a club/internet dating/blind date gubbins?

Vivacia Sat 08-Nov-14 15:56:59

Start a new hobby (one with a social aspect to it)?
Go back in to education (evening class, given your other commitments)?
Get active - exercise lifts the spirits.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 08-Nov-14 15:57:18

Apart from work, what do you do?

MrsTerrorPratchett Sat 08-Nov-14 16:01:34

You don't mention any people. Friends, family?

wanderingthroughmountains Sat 08-Nov-14 16:06:32

I don't have any family. I so have friends but they are a tad spread out - only a small handful locally.

I exercise sometimes grin

It's hard doing much else around my jobs but I don't know how to get round that really ...

MrsTerrorPratchett Sat 08-Nov-14 16:28:30

There wouldn't be enough people for me so I would prioritise people!

sooperdooper Sat 08-Nov-14 16:31:13

Prioritise people and doing what you love over working - what are your interests/hobbies?

Pipbin Sat 08-Nov-14 16:34:02

Could you drop the second job, assuming you don't need the money, and join a club or something? You could become a 'friend' of your local park?
You would meet people that way.

wanderingthroughmountains Sat 08-Nov-14 16:40:33

I don't think there are any clubs around here really - apart from mum & baby groups which obviously aren't really applicable for me, and things for retired people.

The second job is important to me for sort of personal rather than financial reasons but I would drop it if I had to. Probably not until the New Year though.

I don't really have time for any hobbies! Apart from sometimes going to the gym!

BikeRunSki Sat 08-Nov-14 16:44:01

Women's Institute

It's all trenby now. Single friend of mine joined when she moved to a new area, loves it.

Sociable sports club - hillwalking, cycling, YHA

Fun (rather than academic) evening class - photography, wine appreciation, French conversation, pottery

BikeRunSki Sat 08-Nov-14 16:45:09

Park Run?

wanderingthroughmountains Sat 08-Nov-14 16:49:18

If there was an equivalent that didn't involve running,possibly, I really can't run!

Viviennemary Sat 08-Nov-14 16:58:57

I think you'll have to cut your working hours to allow more opportunity for leisure activities and meeting more people. Although you can socialise quite a lot in some workplaces. Would you consider moving house to an area where there are more groups rather than just Mums and Tots type stuff. What about online dating. I don't really know if I approve but am told that a lot of people meet through this these days. And travel is a good way of meeting people but I see you aren't interested in that.

BikeRunSki Sat 08-Nov-14 17:10:12

Your user name suggests that you might enjoy the Ramblers' association, or some other walking group.

wanderingthroughmountains Sat 08-Nov-14 17:12:48

I hate walking (sorry!)

I don't think it's hobbies I want really. It's more I feel my life is drifting and I don't know how to stop it.

Viviennemary Sat 08-Nov-14 17:18:29

Why not try one of these Life Coach people. It sounds like fun and they might help you to decide what you really want in life.

wowfudge Sat 08-Nov-14 17:18:57

Take time for yourself - if your professional work and the part time job mean you have no time for hobbies, etc then this may be why you feel unfulfilled. We all need some time to ourselves, doing something for the fun of it.

I think you may well be wrong thinking that local groups are only for mums and babies or for older people. In the past I've done various evening classes - languages, crafts, work skills and I currently have a hobby I go to classes for once a week and I sing in a choir. Some of those very close to home, others a drive or bus ride away. You meet all sorts of people doing different things every term or year.

Draw up a bucket list of things you would like to do or achieve and start working you way through it.

Vivacia Sat 08-Nov-14 17:19:09

How old are you? I experienced something similar in my early thirties. I think you can hit a point where suddenly family life and career are ticking along nicely. They don't require the same time and nurturing they did during the Setting Up phase. This creates a vacuum and you think, apart from being a mother and a Professional, who am I? Surely I'm more?

Vivacia Sat 08-Nov-14 17:20:23

What about one of those life coachy books? - Be Your Own Life Coach is a good one. One of my colleagues swears by Who Moved Your(?) Cheese?

wowfudge Sat 08-Nov-14 17:20:58

I found online dating a waste of time - you don't want to be stuck at a computer at home trying to get a date: get out there and do what you enjoy. You are much more likely to meet like-minded people that way and you'll have more to talk about.

wowfudge Sat 08-Nov-14 17:21:47

It's 'Who Moved My Cheese?'

NorbertDentressangle Sat 08-Nov-14 17:22:13

It sounds like you need a challenge to stop you drifting along.

Something that's outside of your comfort zone, something that you will have to work towards/make an effort at, something with a goal you have to strive to achieve? Oh, and something that involves meeting people.

Not sure what though!

A charity trek type activity maybe? (one that involves training beforehand, raising funds and then doing the challenge with a group, bonding over the challenge)

springlamb Sat 08-Nov-14 17:24:05

You like your second job better than your first job then?

Why not make plans to swap the two? If you need more than minimum wage then look around for training that would put you in the same field but at a higher level. Evening training or even consider going to college one or two days per week and cutting the first job hours to fit this in.

Does the second job, the one you do for love, take place elsewhere in the world? How about a 6 month sabbatical to experience the second job in another country. It can't do any harm.

JustSayNoNoNo Sat 08-Nov-14 17:24:15

Sounds like you enjoy both your jobs. Is there anything you can do through work that will fill that gap? Eg become a mentor to younger staff, get more involved in your professional body and/or your other job. Eg lead or join a new project, take on some extra-curricular activities, organise a conference, ask for a secondment.
Does your work get involved in community activities as part of its CSR agenda? There must be committees you can join?
Can you fit in any voluntary work - Scouts / Guides, elderly befriending, animal rescue etc.

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