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To be avoiding my married friends

(49 Posts)
DarlingDaisyGirl Sat 08-Nov-14 14:07:30

Have nc for this. Two weeks ago l split from my partner of 3 years after discovering he had been cheating on me with at least 3 OW for months as well as having an online dating profile. It has completely devastated me, we had talked about getting married & having kids, l trusted him totally and never thought he would be the kind of man to do this. The whole thing is still very raw and l'm still struggling to get through the day without crying.

I don't have close family so friends have rallied round, some visited and all have sent supportive texts (although some have been a bit patronising along the lines of don't worry you'll be over him soon and find someone else when you least expect it hmm )

All of my friends have long term partners, and a few are quite recently married. In the last few years since settling down most of them have tried to avoid going out socially at weekends, preferring to visit each other's houses for coffee (most of them don't drink or drink very little).

I spoke to one of my friends last week and told her how hard l was finding things and that l was dreading weekends in particular when everyone was off doing nice things with their dp's. I explained that right now l just want to get really drunk and go out for a bit of a dance to forget it. In response she sent a group text suggesting we all go over to hers tonight for coffee hmm one of my friends replied excitedly that she was going to bring her wedding photos to show us. I just can't bare the thought of listening to my friends talking about their happy lives and all their exciting Christmas plans with their dp's. I honestly don't begrudge my friends happiness but right now l just don't want to hear about it, it just makes me realise what l have lost and may never have sad

Another friend has offered to take me out tonight and get very drunk and have a good moan about things. However my other friend has taken the hump saying that she invited me first and that everyone just wants to be there for me. AIBU for avoiding them?

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Nov-14 14:16:15

Yanbu because right now everything is very raw.

Have you explained to your friend in the same way you've explained it to us?

She should really get that you just want to go out and try to take your mind off of things for now.

I don't mean to sound patronising, but your friends are right when they say you'll get over him and find someone when you least expect it....though I can understand why you don't want to hear that right now thanks

Go out, dance and get drunk. I'm sure your friends will get it in the end wine

notagainffffffffs Sat 08-Nov-14 14:17:01

Go out and get pissed and cry in the chippy on your way home. It needs to be done smile your other friends are nobbers

formerbabe Sat 08-Nov-14 14:18:55

I can think of nothing worse than looking through someone else's wedding photos whether I was single or married.


Preciousbane Sat 08-Nov-14 14:58:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ApocalypseThen Sat 08-Nov-14 15:00:12

Yeah, I think the friend who wants to show off her wedding photos is bizarrely insensitive.

Bogeyface Sat 08-Nov-14 15:01:37

"I want to go out, get drunk, dance like a woman possessed and eat my body weight in kebabs"

"Lets all come to mine for coffee then!"

"Oh yes, I will bring my wedding photos to really rub salt in the wound!"

And these people are your "friends"? Time to get new friends....

Chunderella Sat 08-Nov-14 15:05:22

Wedding photo woman is really insensitive. I can see why people might have reasons they don't want to go out on the razz, but there's no excuse for that.

MummyBeerest Sat 08-Nov-14 15:06:46


I'd go get drunk and go dancing with you wink

Go out and have fun. You deserve it. wine

hugefatso Sat 08-Nov-14 15:09:37

I think YAB a bit U but you are being like that because you are raw and a horrible thing has happened to you.
It is hard for people with commitments to others (their DPs, DHs, DCs) to drop everything and go on a bender with you.
What they are offering is what they can offer at this point in time. If you explained to them that you really need what your other friend is offering rather than coffee and wedding photos then they would BU to begrudge you that.

Your friends are right - you WILL get over it. Maybe not now, or soon, but in the future. Settling down happens for people at different times in life, it can't all be perfectly orchestrated so it happens at the same time for different people.

justmyview Sat 08-Nov-14 15:11:23

If your friends aren't big drinkers, I can understand why they're not keen go out on a heavy drinking spree. Showing off wedding photos is very insensitive

thatstoast Sat 08-Nov-14 15:16:45

Wedding photo woman obviously hates you and anyone else in attendence. She wants to bore you all to death.

Go out and get drunk. Coffee isn't going to cut it.

brainfidget Sat 08-Nov-14 16:00:45

Go out and get trousered. Death by Wedding Photo Presentation should be a punishment reserved for worst enemies only.

addictedtobass Sat 08-Nov-14 16:04:31

YANBU at all. Your friends aren't being unreasonable to not want to get drunk and dance but a coffee was a poor substitute and running salt in with the newly wed friend. At the very least dinner and wine could have been on the agenda.

You said you needed a drink and she ignored that, she can't be miffed that you are going to do it. If everyone wanted to be there for you they'd at least include wine and not be talking about wedding photos! Could you go there for a coffee first (since that's an afternoon thing rather than evening) and then go out afterwards drinking?

HairStylistToBoris Sat 08-Nov-14 16:53:47

I agree with Worra, can you reply to your friends explaining that you just want to get away from nice couples chats for now (and especially wedding photos - that friend needs to be told) and you just want to go out drink dance and laugh and that you'll be back for coffee dates once the pain isn't so fresh? If they are good friends they should understand or at least cut you some slack for rejecting their (sadly misguided) attempt to support you?

KatelynB Sat 08-Nov-14 17:22:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theorientcalf Sat 08-Nov-14 17:26:01

Go out, get drunk. Dirty chicken on the way home.

You do not need coffee and wedding pics.

SandyJ2014 Sat 08-Nov-14 17:36:50

YANBU flowers

lomega Sat 08-Nov-14 17:43:22

YANBU! Oh my gosh I really feel for you OP. That's really horrible and of course you're not going to want to look at someone else's bloody wedding photos. Your 'friend' needs some fucking tact for Christmas.

I second everyone else's advice along the lines of go out and get [responsibly] trollied and have a good dance. Methinks kebab or greasy burger en route home.

Good luck! I've been treated similarly in the past by a bloke so I know the curative powers of a good night out xxxxxxx

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 08-Nov-14 17:50:30

YANBU!!! at all. Go out and get drunk, dance til you have blisters and stumble for some greasy food on the way home.

My friend just split with her partner of 10 years, another friend was pushing her to meet her new fella, friend just couldnt do it, she just isnt in the right state of mind right now and as her single friend, its my duty to comfort her and give her what she needs, even if I was attached, I wouldnt shove my happiness down her throat.

Alconleigh Sat 08-Nov-14 17:53:18

If their idea of a good time is coffee and wedding photos they are dull as arse. Get thee to the boozer.

poolomoomon Sat 08-Nov-14 17:57:26

Yanbu. Wedding photos friend sounds vairy boring and insensitive to boot. I mean, who does that? Oh yes, we're rallying round to comfort Daisy after her horrid break up- PERFECT opportunity for me to crack out my wedding photos hmm. Wedding/holiday photos should definitely be reserved for your enemies, I even find my own photos a bit dull tbh.

Go out and get arseholed. If they're good friends they'll understand. Then again good friends should have at least offered wine/vodka, not coffee hmm.

CleanLinesSharpEdges Sat 08-Nov-14 18:03:34


Looking at other peoples wedding photos is boring as fuck at the best of times.

Go out, get wasted and have a big dirty kebab on the way home.

Fannydabbydozey Sat 08-Nov-14 18:11:06

just echoing all everyone else really. Go out, drink cocktails, dance. I'm in team kebab here. Get a great big oozy, luscious one.

Who has a Saturday night in drinking coffee and looking at wedding photos? Are your other friends all 80? (I'm sure most 80 year olds would rather eat their own dentures but you get my drift...) They want to stifle your hurt with terminal boredom. Tell them that it won't work and your need proper raucous FUN.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 08-Nov-14 18:21:56

Soooo, let me get this straight. Your tell your friend that your heart is broken and you just want to have a night on the piss to feel better. So your friend says "Gee, come for coffee!", ignoring what you want. You find someone that DOES want to do what YOU need to feel better and friend gets pissy because 'she asked you first'. What is she, in kindergarten? She needs to be a better friend. When someone is hurting you do what they want to do and if you can't you back away when someone else can. SHE is BU, not you!

I'm not even going to touch wedding pics friend. That has got to be the most insensitive thing I've heard in years!!

As the old saying goes "With friends like those, who needs enemies!"

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