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AIBU to say nothing to DH even though I can't unknow what I know !

(218 Posts)
Toofat2BtheFly Sat 08-Nov-14 11:23:06

Right , first post so be nice , and I will do my best grammar wise but it's not my strong point ...

Anyway let me set the scene ... I'm a married FT working mommy to 3 DDs eldest is 16 then 3 and 4 year old .

Mornings are also not my strong point but somehow I manage to get everyone up and ready and out the door in a reasonable state of dress on timeish , dropped off at school , nursery , collage and get to my desk for 9am , my little ones are not the most cooperative of kids first thing in the morning but we get the job done usually at the expense of the housework , ie breakfast stuff not in the dishwasher , toys left out , pj's left where ever they were taken off ...

DH has a huge issue with this as he thinks I should be more organised ,he is gone way before kids get up the morning so actually has no idea what happens UNTIL NOW

Today I have found several recordings of upto 2 hours long on the IPAD recording exactly what goes on a morning ... The shit bag has been secretly taping me on a app ... I've no idea what he plans to achieve by this or what he intends to do with the info on there but I can't tell you how upset I am ...

He is generally a fairly decent DH and DF , but I know he will try to laugh it off if I mention it or say something along the lines if I had nothing to hide it shouldn't be a problem , or something else similar ..

WIBU to say nothing to his face but Monday morning talk to the iPad to let him know I know , ie 'good morning DH , hope u enjoy today's thrilling installment of the morning routine ' .... It's a bit PA but I'm too heartbroken to row which is a shame as usually love a good row ...

Wise mumnetters , give me a good talking too please !

manchestermummy Sat 08-Nov-14 11:26:02

shock

Record yourself telling him what you know.

Wowthishurtsalot Sat 08-Nov-14 11:27:26

What a shit bag!!

I'd definitely talk to the iPad and wait for the reaction

hesterton Sat 08-Nov-14 11:28:13

Do you definitely think that the recordings are to do with his perceived view of your organisational skills? Is he a controlling or suspicious man generally?

Recording someone without their knowledge unless there is an extremely good reason is very suspect. Is he has done this on purpose that is very, very creepy indeed.

I lile your idea of challenging him on tape so to speak but actually think it's better to talk to him face to face and try to find out what the flip he hoped to achieve by this act of extreme intrusion.

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Nov-14 11:29:27

Fucking hell

No way could I sit on that until Monday. I'd have to confront him now.

Talk about an invasion of privacy in your own home!

Fairenuff Sat 08-Nov-14 11:29:35

Don't tell him you know, don't talk to the device but start doing some really strange/suspicious things to rile him. When he confronts you, you can laugh it off.

If this doesn't make him realise what an arse he is, nothing will.

GotToBeInItToWinIt Sat 08-Nov-14 11:29:47

Urgh that's awful behaviour. I'd be inclined to record him a message on the iPad saying 'if you don't like how I keep the house, I suggest you back your bags and leave'.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 08-Nov-14 11:30:01

It's not you who needs a talking to, he's a massive twat who needs a kick up his own arse.

Tell the IPad what a dickhead you're married to.

Sarkymare Sat 08-Nov-14 11:30:11

WTAF! So your DH is secretly filming you in order to prove that you are far to slovenly to clean in the mornings? Why? To make you tidy more?

Your DH sounds like a right Dick I'm afraid.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem Sat 08-Nov-14 11:30:23

That is just beyond wrong, and very creepy! If my DH complained about the state of the house (usually messy) before I left for work after getting DTDs ready, he'd be swiftly told to bugger off jog on!

Squeegle Sat 08-Nov-14 11:31:02

Definitely! Do it!!!

Vycount Sat 08-Nov-14 11:31:50

You know what? I wouldn't let this go at all. He's been spying on you without your knowledge.
It would be a real turning point in the marriage for me, it speaks volumes about how he views your relationship. I'd have to sit him down and make it clear that if this is how he views marriage he needs to change that view or possibly find he no longer has a marriage.
Also - any way he could have a month of you leaving the house early (go for breakfast somewhere before you go to work) and he has the job of getting the kids up and out before getting to his place of work?

Chandon Sat 08-Nov-14 11:32:00

It is such a weird thing to do, recording your partner. If he cannot see that or tries to "laugh it off" he us some kind of weirdo psychopath!!!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 08-Nov-14 11:33:14

I'd challenge him face to face so I could see his reaction.

3littlefrogs Sat 08-Nov-14 11:33:35

That is really awful. sad
I am lost for words TBH.

maras2 Sat 08-Nov-14 11:33:54

Bastard.Tackle him now angry

WorraLiberty Sat 08-Nov-14 11:34:49

but I know he will try to laugh it off if I mention it or say something along the lines if I had nothing to hide it shouldn't be a problem , or something else similar

That's ^^ the bit that stuns me. He would really laugh it off and think he did nothing wrong?

Really?

Siarie Sat 08-Nov-14 11:35:04

Pahaha I would ask a male friend to come over and pretend, then turn to the camera and give him what for. It seems a tad excessive to film you for the kids morning routine.

That would give him a right shock.

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Sat 08-Nov-14 11:37:32

So he's been spying on you?

shock

AutumnHaze Sat 08-Nov-14 11:37:37

That's awful. Can you tell whether he has published or forwarded them? If my (very controlling) ex had done that i would think he was trying to rewrite history by collating clips of me getting cross/ chivvying everyone along, to show people how much better he would be at dealing with the DC.

fancyacupoftea Sat 08-Nov-14 11:38:10

It seems such a small thing for him to go to extreme measure for. Really makes me think what else he has been recording. Sorry OP, your husband sounds like a bit of a dick.

3littlefrogs Sat 08-Nov-14 11:38:12

Where is the ipad while this is being filmed?
Could you put something over it or turn it round and see if anything is said?
In any case - I would seriously question the state of my marriage if i were you.
This is so disrespectful and sneaky.

Jolleigh Sat 08-Nov-14 11:39:10

I'm fuming for you! Both that he's filming you and that he has the cheek to get annoyed at something he's never had to experience. Working full time with 3 kids has got to be really difficult so hats off to you. Tear the little shit a new one. Don't wait.

Alternatively, take a day's annual leave without telling him, then do your normal morning thing. Once the kids are at school and nursery, bring the house back to order. Make a note of how long it takes you. When he comes home and seems happy that he's 'been listened to' and it's to his standards, put that day's recording in front of him. Tell him what time you'd be getting to work if you did that every morning. Then tear him a new one for being so underhanded.

Oldraver Sat 08-Nov-14 11:39:49

I would be packing his bags and make sure the I-Pad got it all

Jengnr Sat 08-Nov-14 11:40:16

Let him record you packing his stuff and changing the locks.

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