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to think my husband is shallow?

(161 Posts)
StellaBelly Sat 08-Nov-14 00:10:23

I'm 32 weeks pregnant and really struggling with exhaustion. This week I had a mild bleed, and after taking advice from the hospital, came home from work early to take it easy/be nearby in case it got worse. When I got in I changed out of my work skirt into leggings, and put some chunky socks on. Later that night in bed, my husband wouldn't give me a cuddle. When I asked what was wrong, he said he wanted me to look nice, suggested we go clothes shopping and said he wanted me to make an effort to look good for him. I pointed out that how I looked perhaps wasn't my priority that day after the scare of seeing blood, and he said it wasn't just that day, it's all the time. I started crying, called him insensitive and unsupportive and said maybe if he did more to help I wouldn't be so bloody knackered and might have some time to spend on my looks. Long story short, the row escalated and he said he can't possibly spend the rest of his life with such an emotional mess. We haven't spoken in three days, and in fact I haven't even seen him as he's been staying out late. AIBU to a) feel upset that he thinks my looks are a good enough reason to be off with me, especially given the circumstances; and b) want to just tell him to f*ck off and good luck to him if he can find a woman anywhere who won't wear comfy clothes when pregnant and shattered?

Sorry for the rant- can't talk to anyone about this.

Patrickstarisabadbellend Sat 08-Nov-14 00:17:50

He's a cunt.

DevaDiva Sat 08-Nov-14 00:18:10

Sorry he doesn't sound very supportive I'd be pissed off too if my DH reacted in this way yanbu. Hope he wakes up to himself soon

RJnomore Sat 08-Nov-14 00:20:06

You are 32 weeks pregnant and he wouldn't cuddle you because you aren't dolled up enough for him?

I presume he has the looks, abs and style of David beckham at all times?

What. An. Arse.

MyIronLung Sat 08-Nov-14 00:21:37

Woah! He really does sound like an utter cunt <sorry>

Sleepyhoglet Sat 08-Nov-14 00:22:32

Oh dear. I'm a bit like this with dh

ChippingInAutumnLover Sat 08-Nov-14 00:26:34

Poor man.

Poor poor man. Here he was thinking he'd got a trophy when he had actually got a wife, a human being.

Love, unless you want the rest of your life to be like this, tell him to leave now and bring your baby up by yourself, without this fuckwit turning you into some anxiety ridden shell of yourself sad

IAmACircle Sat 08-Nov-14 00:26:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coyoacan Sat 08-Nov-14 00:27:31

He sounds a bit of a prick emotional mess himself, to pick such an unreasonable fight with a pregnant woman? My best friend avoided fighting with his wife during her pregnancies because it is not good for the woman and it is not good for the baby and that, to me, is a real man.

Canyouforgiveher Sat 08-Nov-14 00:30:47

is this a joke?

If not, I'm so sorry, OP, that you have conceived a child with this man.
Consider this a lucky early escape. Leave him. Which is probably what he wants too. awful. good luck op.

BaffledSomeMore Sat 08-Nov-14 00:32:14

That's all.
Unless you can accidentally smother him with a maternity towel. for the good of women everywhere

Loopylala7 Sat 08-Nov-14 00:32:52

Agree with the above comments, he is being an arse. Is it possible he's a bit freaked out about becoming a Dad and reacted in the worst possible way? I hope he has the decency to give you a massive grovely apology.

AngryBeaver Sat 08-Nov-14 00:35:08

Dear god. What a fucking tosser!

He actually sounds worse than just shallow. He sounds like a thoroughly horrible person.

Being perfectly honest here, I scrub up pretty well. I've got a decent figure, hair etc and I'm told I'm attractive.

But when I'm pregnant (7 times...4 children, newest 6 months) dh does not fancy me. I can't really blame him. I get pretty big and I'm a bitch! BUT, he would never, never, say anything about how I look. And never refuse to cuddle me.

If he did, I would think I'd picked the wrong person to share my life with and cut my losses sad

Take what you want from this, op.
And good luck to you for the rest of your pregnancy. You take it easy smilethanks

AngryBeaver Sat 08-Nov-14 00:36:50

Loopy. There is no excuse for this. So bloody what if he's freaked out about becoming a dad. Tough! Get a grip!

Nothing excuses saying that to your pregnant wife and then basically leaving for 3 days. Nothing.

lunar1 Sat 08-Nov-14 00:38:03

Your husband is horrible. You deserve so much better.

Titsalinabumsquash Sat 08-Nov-14 00:39:16

What an arsehole angry

How dare he treat you like that especially when pregnant, I assume when he's feeling tired, stressed or unwell he's still looking like a god of some kind?
He should be cherishing you rather than criticising.
How's he going to feel when you're in labour if he has this problem now?!
Get rid OP, you and your baby are better off without his views being around.
If you have a son, do you want him to think that's it's ok to treat women like this?
If you have a daughter do you want her to think she has to look good in for her partner at all times?
angry On your behalf.

badtime Sat 08-Nov-14 00:40:00

Jesus Christ, what a sack of shit he is!

Regardless of anything else, you have the right not to dress up just because he wants you to. Does he even realise that you are an actual person with thoughts and feelings of your own?

AnnieLobeseder Sat 08-Nov-14 00:41:33

Nothing would excuse a man saying that to any woman, let alone his heavily pregnant wife who has just had a scare about the pregnancy.

Leave. Now. He does not respect you. He does not love you. You are just a possession to him. You owe yourself and your child so much more that to be valued only for your appearance.

DoJo Sat 08-Nov-14 00:42:32

Oh dear, OP, this is not good - he is an almighty twat and has got his priorities completely wrong. He should be falling over himself to help you stay relaxed and calm, not creating drama out of thin air with spiteful comments and misogynistic shite like this. I hope you are managing to look after yourself despite his behaviour and I hope you have supportive people around you to help you. flowers

Loopylala7 Sat 08-Nov-14 00:50:59

Angry, I was just saying as I know somebody who's not so DH did a similar thing post baby (literally a week in) but came back all grovely, and whilst I hated his shitty behaviour (really not a fan) he really has been making an effort to get things back on track (over a year ago) so I'm trying to view it as a glitch and not throttle him when I see him for sake of my good friend. Just saying not all men can cope. I never said I approved of the behaviour. He IBU not OP (just to clarify).

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 08-Nov-14 00:58:34

Jeez, what an utter, utter cunt.

If you want to wear fluffy socks with holes in, massive granny pants, worn out leggings and have your hair scragged back, its your bloody right too.

If he cant accept you as the beautiful wife/human you are, then he doesnt deserve you.

ipswichwitch Sat 08-Nov-14 01:03:21

Jesus wept, what an arse.
I suppose he looks like Mr Universe 24/7 does he? Nope, thought not. You've had a bleed, and are heavily pregnant and instead of showing concern and some TLC his first thought is that you're not dolled up enough for him.

I hate to say this but exP started with the "you don't dress up nice enough, or make enough effort with your appearance" crap, then pulled a disappearing act before leaving. He was either being such a twat to make me finish things, or trying to shift blame onto me for the relationship not working so he could skip off into the sunset guilt free. My DH however told me I look hot tonight. I don't - massively sleep deprived and no sign of shifting any baby weight. I was even wearing leggings. He just loves me enough to think I do whatever I'm wearing/state my hair is in.

I'm sorry he's being such a shit at a time like this. flowers

ColdTeaAgain Sat 08-Nov-14 01:09:26

What a complete dick.

Get rid, you deserve better than that. Wear what you bloody well like!

Mrsjayy Sat 08-Nov-14 01:13:06

Shallow he is a fucking arsehole I am sorry no partner husband should say that to his wife ever you are resting and he wants to buy you pretty clothes fuck that

AlpacaMyBags Sat 08-Nov-14 01:13:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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