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My husbands ex is a new parent at our children's school!

(58 Posts)
becks130 Fri 07-Nov-14 16:58:08

Hi all,
Am I REALLY being in unreasonable? I realised it was her about 4 weeks ago so just avoided her which wasn't too hard as I don't do the school pick up most days. I told my DH about it and he just laughed it off as it was some time ago that they were together, however my DH is in the process of changing jobs so is at home at the moment so we decided to do the school pick up together today. Well as we were standing with our friends my DH decided to out of nowhere go over and talk to the ex for over 10min without any warning at all and leaving me with r friends to answer all their queries on who she is/ where's he gone ect..... I am VERY upset but my DH has put it all on me and says it's MY insecurities so I'm the one with the problem NOT him or the ex. Don't get me wrong I have no problem with him saying hello but it was the way it was done.
Sorry for the rant but am I really the one in. The wrong???
Many thanks x

bigbluestars Fri 07-Nov-14 17:04:26


OddFodd Fri 07-Nov-14 17:04:54

I don't understand what was wrong with the way it was done. He went and said hello to someone he knows. If they were together some time ago, what's the problem?


LokiBear Fri 07-Nov-14 17:05:14

I think you are being unreasonable. If you have school age kids you have been together a long time. I'd talk to my ex in the same situation. Do they have kids together?

tywysogesgymraeg Fri 07-Nov-14 17:05:36


Protego Fri 07-Nov-14 17:05:57

Your feelings re this are totally understandable! DH has behaved in a thoughtless way - have you asked him to explain his rationale? He may have been trying to do the 'right' thing and not seem to snub her and it might not have occurred to him about the position this left you in with other parents...
If it didn't occur to him, try pointing it out in a calm way. He ought to be very apologetic - if he gets aggressive not good...

justmuddlingalong Fri 07-Nov-14 17:05:58

Yes. Very.

fairgame Fri 07-Nov-14 17:06:27


Thrif Fri 07-Nov-14 17:06:44

I can't see nay harm in talking to her and IMO it's better to do it the first time you realise than to spend weeks pretending not to have noticed her, but in your position, I would have expected him to take me with him and introduce us. Why didn't you go to talk to her too?

If you both have school age children then I assume that his ex has been an ex for quite a long time. I think he was a bit thoughtless to wander off to chat to her but I do also think you are being a bit sensitive. He might have felt that it would have been rude to ignore her. Remember, its you he is going home with.

AesSedai Fri 07-Nov-14 17:07:25

YABU - so he decided to be civilised about the whole thing......and you don't like it? It IS your insecurities, sorry.

skylark2 Fri 07-Nov-14 17:07:41

Ex wife? Mum of his kids? Or just an ex girlfriend?

If you lived in a small town with one school, all your exes and all your partner's exes would be parents at the same school your kids go to. With the number of girl and boyfriends some of my schoolfriends had, if nobody ever talked to an ex there would be an awful lot of people who couldn't talk to anyone at all!

bigbluestars Fri 07-Nov-14 17:07:43

There is no reason you can't all be civil. Give her a smile and a hello next time you see her.
I'm not suggesting you become friends, but you can show a little civility.

eurochick Fri 07-Nov-14 17:08:13

Yabu and sound insecure. I can't see what was wrong with the way he handled it.

teacher54321 Fri 07-Nov-14 17:08:18

YABU and you sound very insecure and immature. Were they married?

MrsBungle Fri 07-Nov-14 17:08:22

I don't think he was unreasonable at all. He only spoke to someone he knew. Why is it insensitive? Do you and the ex have some sort of bad history?

HighwayDragon Fri 07-Nov-14 17:08:38

yabu, if dp got pissy at me because I want to speak to someone I knew (regardless of how) I'd laugh at him.

Protego Fri 07-Nov-14 17:08:51

Whoa some people haven't exactly put themselves in your position here becks! blush

supermariossister Fri 07-Nov-14 17:08:53

yabu, he was speaking to someone he knew, yes he could of introduced you but he didn't. you didn't have to explain anything to the other parents if you didn't want too. if she has children at the school you will be seeing a lot of her so it's just a case of getting on with it

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Nov-14 17:10:12

Unless he ran over and shoved his tongue down her throat, YABU.

What was wrong with 'the way it was done'?

googoodolly Fri 07-Nov-14 17:10:26

Well, unless you're about to dripfeed that he had an affair with this woman, YABU, but I can kind of see where you're coming from. I can imagine you would feel better if he introduced you to her, rather than left you feeling a bit like a lemon while everyone quizzed you about it.

But, please don't let this be an issue. If you have school aged children, you've been together 4-5 years at least, and you're married. In his mind, he knows her and is being polite by saying hello. You'll have to see her pretty regularly now until your DC change school, so it's really not worth getting all upset over.

LadyLuck10 Fri 07-Nov-14 17:10:40

Why are your friends winding you up with questions.

Heels99 Fri 07-Nov-14 17:11:18


Don't believe that everyone was asking you who she was, talking to other parents is hardly uncommon . Dh wanders off talking to all and sundry when he comes to pick up. Nobody has ever asked me to explain who he is talking to!

PandasRock Fri 07-Nov-14 17:14:11


You say you don't mind hum saying hello, but it was 'the way it was done' - what, him walking over and having a polite chat?

What on earth is wrong with that?! And why would it be so embarrassing for you to say to all your friends that it is someone your dh knows. Even <gasp>, mention it is someone he used to go,out with.

What an odd thread.

diddl Fri 07-Nov-14 17:14:13

if he just walked off to talk to her I think think that that was rude tbh.

He could have said "I'll just have a word with ex".

As for turning it around to you being insecure, what does that have to do with him just walking away??

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