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XH refusing point blank to look at baby pictures. Who is BU?

(80 Posts)
fluffyraggies Fri 07-Nov-14 09:04:30

DD3 has tried to show her dad some pics of baby DD4 (her half sister). He's completely refused to look - ''he's not ready'' apparently!? shockconfused

We've been divorced nearly 7 years and both remarried FGS. What the hell is this about? What do i say to DD? This has made her very uncomfortable. I think he's being such a twat. AIBU?

YANBU He is a twat. Even if it does make uncomfortable he should suck it up as his DD is clearly excited about her new sister as her father he should be putting her feelings above his own.

notagainffffffffs Fri 07-Nov-14 09:16:42

Maybe him and new wife cant have more children or something? Could be a very sensitive subject. I think best thing to do is pick up the phone and ask what can be done as you dont want dd to feel as though she cant talk about her sister

Andrewofgg Fri 07-Nov-14 09:19:00

If he won't, he won't, and it would be better if DD did not upset herself. Don't let her take the pictures at future contact sessions.

IAmACircle Fri 07-Nov-14 09:21:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

patronisingbitchinthewardrobe Fri 07-Nov-14 09:22:10

There is no reason why he should look at your baby and it is perfectly ok for your dd to learn that people have different sensitivities.

aprilanne Fri 07-Nov-14 09:24:35

i suppose he is entitled to not look if he does,nt want to .just don,t let you DD take the pictures with her .she may be her sister but she is nothing to do with EXH and he is just letting you know his feelings .he obviously feels he has his children and that,s that .shame but well that,s life

IAmACircle Fri 07-Nov-14 09:27:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish Fri 07-Nov-14 09:28:27

Hmm...I can sort of see why he didn't want to look I suppose. Shame for him to let his personal issues reflect back at your dd like that, but he obviously doesn't want to croon over your new baby...even for his dd's sake.
Yes it was a bit twatty, but I'm not sure it's the full twat quite.

CurlyhairedAssassin Fri 07-Nov-14 09:28:36

"There is no reason why he should look at your baby and it is perfectly ok for your dd to learn that people have different sensitivities."

What a strange attitude. His daughter is trying to show him something that she is interested in herself - it's both good manners to listen to someone in that situation, and it's also about being a caring parent. If I can feign a passing interest in the latest Minecraft video for the sake of my boys (because those videos are very important to THEM), then I'm sure he could have a quick glance at a couple of baby pics of his own daughter's half-sibling, who clearly has an important role in her life. I can imagine your dd being quite hurt at his attitude, OP.

Having said that, yes, maybe there ARE issues around fertility in his new relationship, so there maybe a genuine reason for his apparently cold attitude.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 07-Nov-14 09:31:00

Yes he could have glanced at them, and just said to dd how sweet, he is an adult and she us excited about her new little sister. Don't send anymore pictures with her on contact.

SaucyJackOLantern Fri 07-Nov-14 09:34:43

So the pictures are of your new baby with a new (er) partner? YABU then.

maninawomansworld Fri 07-Nov-14 09:38:38


Why on earth would he want to look at photos of the baby that his ex wife went on to have with another man?!
So the baby is you DD's half sister - so what? The baby is nothing to him, plus (as has been said) there may be issues you don't know about around having another child himself.

^ There is no reason why he should look at your baby and it is perfectly ok for your dd to learn that people have different sensitivities.^
I agree. Your DD is old enough to learn that her father might not be interested in her new sister. If it's explained to her simply that is might be upsetting for daddy or something like that then I don't see why she has to continue to try and show him the photos.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 07-Nov-14 09:38:43

Dd is a child fgs, she doesent know the complexities of adult difficulties fgs, nor should she have to! He can be an adult, suck it up for dd, give them a quick glance and tell her how lovely she is!

IAmACircle Fri 07-Nov-14 09:46:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurlyhairedAssassin Fri 07-Nov-14 09:47:03

Exactly, Aeroflot. The people who disagree are coming across as quite curmudgeonly really, if that would be their own reaction in that situation.

Her dad should have a quick glance and make a quick comment BUT you should also explain to her that now he has seen a pic of her then he doesn't need to see anymore. There are ways of dealing with it so that both daughter and ex are ok with, without causing hurt to either one.

differentnameforthis Fri 07-Nov-14 09:47:31

We have plenty of women on here who find it hard to even acknowledge that their exs have moved on with another woman, so I don't see why this is any different.

He said he isn't ready, why can't that be respected for both sexes. Or is it only women who have the right to find things difficult.

LadyLuck10 Fri 07-Nov-14 09:49:25

Can he just not be polite if only for his dds sake? How immature of him really. It's wrong to let kids in on the complicated relationships between the adults.

CurlyhairedAssassin Fri 07-Nov-14 09:51:13

It's been 7 years, different name.

IAmACircle Fri 07-Nov-14 09:52:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker Fri 07-Nov-14 09:53:16

I kind of understand why he wouldn't want to look at pictures of a baby that his ex wife has had with another man. It is unreasonable to expect him to be interested.

My husband loves our daughter to bits, but is absolutely not interested in other people's children. He isn't even that interested in our nephews and nieces. He just isn't a children person.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Fri 07-Nov-14 09:57:51

If my DD's father had other children, I know my DD would be very excited and want to show her off, being an adult, I'd happily look at the pictures and talk about the baby. My DD's feelings and happiness are more important than my own, he needs to suck it up.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 07-Nov-14 09:58:56

The ones who are disagreeing are come g across very bitter and expect chikdren to understand tge ins and outs of adult relationships. He should be polite for his dd sake, quick glance and ooooh how nice. I have had to to this for various friends scan photos when just having a MC or having difficulties concieving. It's polite, especially fir his dd. Don't let her take anymore, and explain to her about dads feelings etc. but again she's a child, she might forget and start talking about her little sister.

SaucyJackOLantern Fri 07-Nov-14 10:04:24

I just wouldn't have sent the pictures in the first place. I have children with two different blokes and whilst my ex has the manners to say hello to DD3 if he sees her at handover, he and his new partner aren't really that interested in her, and certainly weren't interested in my pregnancy. Why would they be?

hoobypickypicky Fri 07-Nov-14 10:23:23

It was a bit of a misjudgment to send your daughter with the photos in the first place. Sending the photos could be construed by your ex as thoughtless, even as shit-stirring.

Your daughter's discomfort could have been prevented if you'd not allowed her to take them.

It's not unreasonable of him to have no desire to take an interest in someone else's baby. The baby's step-sister to your daughter. She's your youngest daughter but she's nothing to your ex husband. I think you made some unreasonable assumptions in expecting your ex to feel any differently.

What do you say to your daughter? She's at least 7, yes? If so she's old enough to understand that not everyone is interested in other people's babies or hobbies or sports or pets or anything else and no-one has to be . We're all different and that's ok.

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