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AIBU?

To be angry with parents who say their child will attend a paid birthday party and don't come

51 replies

Whatalife58 · 06/11/2014 22:32

I organised a birthday party for my daughter. It was held at a venue where I had to pr-book and pay £11 per child. There was a minimum number stipulated . I have been busy at work and didn't have enough time. I was anxious to have the stipulated number of children come as I had to pay for that number of children anyway. I had signed a contract.

I was so angry when 4 of the childrens' parents who had said their child was coming failed to show up. One parent rang to say her child was ill. I can cope with that. But was really upset with the others and felt (apart from the paying £44 for children who didn't attend) that it was disrespectful and rude.

OP posts:

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Aeroflotgirl · 06/11/2014 22:33

Yanbu it is very rude.

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WooWooOwl · 06/11/2014 22:33

YANBU, it is rude.

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fluffymouse · 06/11/2014 22:35

It is very rude, but not surprising based on my experiences with arranging parties.

This is why I would never have a party at a pay per head venue. Maybe next time just hire a venue or have a party at home?

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Chippednailvarnish · 06/11/2014 22:36

Someone did this at DS's last party, because the mother had a hangover!?!

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negrilbaby · 06/11/2014 22:37

YANBU but you will probably find that it is inevitable. Some people are just very rude forgetful.

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LePetitPrince · 06/11/2014 22:37

It is very rude indeed, but sadly very common as well.

I have a rule with my kids that if they accept, they have to go even if they don't feel like it on the day.

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Whatalife58 · 07/11/2014 07:59

I am surprised the parents did it. Maybe they didn't realise you pay per child. If I had know I would have quickly got a sibling to join the party.

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Roomba · 07/11/2014 08:46

I've had this happen too, and it was infuriating (and expensive!). I complained about it to friends with older kids and they all said it was par for the course. I wouldn't do a pay per head venue now, which is a shame, due to this happening.

I had four not turn up too, and only one parent even mentioned it afterwards - she breezed over in the playground a few days later, saying 'Oh, sorry we couldn't make it to the party, we had relatives turn up unexpectedly'. No reason why she couldn't have phoned.

Appalling manners IMO. It really confused my young son too, as his friends had been talking all week about how much they were looking forward to his party!

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CeliaFate · 07/11/2014 08:47

It's happened to me too - 2 didn't show up for laser tag at £15 a head. No apology or explanation. They weren't invited again.

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fourwoodenchairs · 07/11/2014 08:49

Extremely rude.

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frankbough · 07/11/2014 09:24

Kids parties are a pita, always in the middle of the weekend which is usually the families day off together.. The last one was a 30 mile round trip, we didn't go, waste of a day..

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BalloonSlayer · 07/11/2014 09:33

Very rude and unfair to the children too.

My DCs would be gutted if I said "oh no sorry you can't go" on the day of the party!

One of my DCs sometimes says he doesn't want to go to parties on the day (usually because he has got into doing something else and doesn't want to stop), and I always tell him that now that he has said he is going, the party child would be really upset if he didn't turn up, how would he feel etc etc...

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Tomuchtosay · 07/11/2014 09:45

Frankbough

That's fair enough. Just don't say you will go if it doesn't suit you.

I've also had this. They are just rude it takes nothing to to at least send a text. But then they obviously know that what ever excuse for not coming is pathetic anyway. So just opt not say anything!

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MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 07/11/2014 09:53

I've had this, but have also had it the other way round where they do not reply at all and you don't know how to contact them to check, so you assume they are not coming and don't include their child in the numbers. Then the buggers turn up on the day and you have no space for them! I am glad my children are more or less passed that age now. YANBU.

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RiverTam · 07/11/2014 09:56

it is rude, but I had not heard of pay-per-child parties until reading about them on MN, so it's possible they don't realise this either? TBH you always get drop outs, for illness if no other reason, so personally I wouldn't go for this kind of party.

But yes, it's very rude simply not to show up.

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Heels99 · 07/11/2014 09:56

Never ever had this happen.
But I wouldn't invite the ones that didn't bother to show up to any future parties.
It is very frustrating.

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frankbough · 07/11/2014 09:58

We did send a text.. It's not just the 2 hrs though is it, it's the driving, getting them ready, hunting for a present..
Apart from the fact, that week and the Sat was spent working long hrs which meant that we as a couple had spent no time together at all, and a large part of the day on Sun would've been spent at an infants party which by enlarge they don't remember and we didn't fancy a pint and a horrid harvester style sun dinner..
We keep parties such as that to family gatherings and a smattering of friends if it's convenient for them of course..

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JustSpeakSense · 07/11/2014 09:58

Very rude!

As your kids get older and the parties get a little smaller (just really good, close friends) you won't be let down by these randomers.

I wouldn't invite them next year (except maybe sick child!)

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MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 07/11/2014 10:01

It is very rude. You could've invited an older sibling to 'use up the place' that you had already paid for. Not on!
If the party is at a venue like soft play or sports centre there is generally a price per head, maximum number.
There may've been kids that were left off the list that wanted to go but not enough spaces.

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Tomuchtosay · 07/11/2014 10:03

Frank
Again I understand. But you should not of agreed to go in the first place. If that was your opinion on the style and date of they party.
Then you are not put out and neither the parent arranging the party. Simple

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Kalinka16 · 07/11/2014 10:07

That is blooming rude of them, irrespective of whether or not you had to pay... I'm organising a soft-play party soon but thankfully we only pay for kids who come on the day. I've asked for RSVP's and see the kids' parents every day at school so should hear from all of them.
I also think it's lovely for a child to be invited to another child's party. It's not like it's every weekend, and surely it's not that difficult to choose a present together and spend some weekend time ferrying back/forth?

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OddFodd · 07/11/2014 10:08

YANBU OP - really bloody rude.

Frankbough - I don't really get that attitude. Your child's commitments are just like yours aren't they? If you were invited to a party on a Saturday, would you kvetch that it was eating into family time? When else are you supposed to have parties?

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DataColour · 07/11/2014 10:13

YANBU. It's rude!

I'm never going to do pay per head parties anymore (as this has happened to me too), unless I only invite the closest of the DCs friends, who's parents I am friends with and I KNOW that they are going to turn up.
Tomorrow is my DS(6) birthday and I've hired a hall with a bouncy castle, so fixed price event, regardless of numbers. A few of the kids from his class still haven't confirmed (one mum said that she was feeling sick on and off this week so wouldn't commit) and a couple has asked me whether they can bring siblings too (I said yes...other they prob wouldn't have come and DS would be dissapointed), so I don't know how many are going to turn up and I don't really care as I have enough for everybody and I'm not going to chase anybody up anymore.
Kids parties are a PITA, they really are. The DCs always want a party and I oblidge and then the run up to it is stressful with cake making and party food preparation, without having to worry about cost per head numbers too!

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JustSpeakSense · 07/11/2014 11:09

Actually most venues only require you to pay for the number that arrive on the day - as obviously this happens a lot!

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CakeMakesEverythingBetter · 07/11/2014 13:33

YANBU at all! This happened to me too last weekend, I'm still pissed off about it. We had twins which did not turn up, all the more galling because dd2 actually only plays with one of them but I would not have dreamt of leaving the other out. I was left twice out of pocket

Don't RSVP that you are coming and then don't turn up, it's beyond rude. I had to let the venue know when we arrived how many were coming so that they could prepare the right amount of food. Even a text five minutes beforehand would have been better than nothing at all! I was not only out of pocket but left wondering where they were, had something happened? I didn't have the parents' contact details, but they had mine because I put my mobile number on the invitation.

I later found out from nursery that "they were at their dad's and he didn't know where the party was". WTAF?

frankbough I do get what you are saying and they would all have been perfectly valid reasons for not attending, but surely that is an assessment you carry out before you RSVP? It hasn't suddenly changed into a family day between accepting and the party has it?? You just say no and that's it, job done. Nobody's out of pocket or left worried/upset by your absence. Luckily my dd2 didn't notice our absentees weren't there until much later.