...to want 'd'h to put ds pyjamas on?

[MaudLebowski]

Just wondering if I'm the nutter here or not.
'D'h puts ds (4) to bed still in his school uniform. It seems wrong, but he says 'it's just clothes whats your problem'
Anything ds doesn't want to do husband wont make him, so he never baths him, makes him eat his dinner etc, thus he is wonder dad and I am mean mummy.
Am I too uptight? Has he got a point?

[LaurieFairyCake]

Eh?

Does he then put clean uniform on in the morning?

[InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream]

Eh? So he lets your DS do whatever he feels like? Ridiculous. DH needs to do some parenting. YANBU.

[StarlingMurmuration]

No he has not got a point! How uncomfortable for your DS! He should be in warm snuggly PJs.

Other posters will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I've read on Mn that sleeping in day clothes is seen by SS as a potential marker of neglect (along with a lot of other things of course, and I'm sure you're not neglecting your DS!).

[basgetti]

No he does not have a point. He sounds like a lazy excuse for a parent.

[FannyFifer]

Wtf, of course this is not ok, would you sleep in your own clothes?

Does he not change out of school clothes when he comes home?

[BarbarianMum]

My children are very occasionally put to bed in their clothes (for example last night when we got back from the Theatre very late) but as a regular thing? No way!

[duckwalk]

YANBU!! Where would he draw the line? Would he allow DS to keep his uniform on continuously for 2,3,4... days straight? You need to put your foot down here! For a start, routine is good for kids.....this includes getting ready for bed (bath, pj's on etc). Secondly, good hygiene must be encouraged. Thirdly, a 4 year old cannot be the dictator in the home! You and DH are the adults and decision makers so you must sort this out otherwise it'll spiral out of control.
Why do you think DH let's him away with things? For an easy life, or out of laziness? When you say No does he cut in and say Yes? This is undermining you in front of your son. I think you need to have another chat with him about this.

[MaudLebowski]

He would say that ds is strong willed and he can't face the battle. Ds is strong willed, but him coming along and giving in is so unhelpful and makes me look bad (again). I normally do....well everything really but am ill at the moment so have let things slide

[Gruntfuttock]

I'm confused. Are you all living together? I know that you say your DH never baths him, so does that mean that he never has a bath or that you bath him instead, or that you are taking turns and when it's your DH's turn the child doesn't get a bath and goes to bed in his uniform? Sorry, but I'm a bit baffled and by your OP.

[sleepyhead]

No yanbu. Bedtime routines are one of the things that Make children feel secure and cared for imo.

He's not doing it for your ds's sake. He's doing it because he can't be arsed.

[Diamondsareagirls]

This is not healthy behaviour OP. You know it's wrong so you need to tell your DH to step up and be a parent or you need to do something about it. Apart from it being uncomfortable for your little one it's setting you up for real difficulties later on if he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to. School would be concerned if he told them he sleeps in clothes and not pjs.

[whois]

That's obviously not good.

Uniform is not as comfey and probably dirty. Much nicer to help your little one into nice soft PJs.

Why are you with someone who doesn't think washing and changing children is a necessity?

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

Your poor son.

Do you think your DH is a crap dad?

[CheerfulYank]

No YANBU!

Sometimes when DS was little, after his bath I'd put him in comfy sweatpants and a T-shirt and then let him wear them to daycare the next day so we didn't have to go through the hassle of getting dressed the next morning :o

Your DH needs to do some parenting.

[Failedspinster]

YANBU. It sounds like he wants to be a friend to DS rather than a parent. He needs to learn to put boundaries in place for DS or DS won't respect him. It's not only ridiculous that he won't do this, it's unfair to you because it leaves you with all the donkey work of parenting. Have a word with him.

[MaudLebowski]

I didn't think it was me. Thanks folks, just another thing to add to the list of DBS inadequacies (its pretty long already). It'll be better when I shake off this damn infection and normal service is resumed.

[OwlCapone]

Will your DSs Pjs fit your DH? How will he put them on? That was my first thought on reading the thread title.

[childish]

If your DS isn't complaining, I'm not sure i'd get too worked up about it TBH.

[MaudLebowski]

Dh, that should be not DBS

[Vitalstatistix]

If he can't be in control when the child is four then god help him when the child is 14!

He either supports you now or god help you both when your child gets older and he can't face the battles you face with a teenager!

Don't you think it's a bit pathetic of an adult to say they cannot handle a child? and rather than be a parent, they'd rather bend to the will of a four year old?

Some 'battles' aren't worth having, this is true. Some things really genuinely don't matter. And that's fine.

But when it is not because it's something that doesn't matter, but because he 'can't face the battle', THAT'S a problem. Because there are a lot of battles when you're a parent and he needs to get used to fighting them. He can't opt out of guiding his child and putting boundaries in place because he 'can't face the battle;.

Let's hope him taking the easy option in the short term doesn't bite him in the arse in a few years, eh?

[MaudLebowski]

No DS isn't complaining, he complains if you try and take his clothes off!

[MaudLebowski]

Husband just wants to be ds's mate really, and there's 'silly mummy' to pick up the slack.
I'm trying to get out, but ds adores his dad and I feel very mean when I think about splitting them up for my own selfish reasons.

[Vitalstatistix]

What happens in the morning? does he just go to school in the same uniform?

[MaudLebowski]

I change his uniform in the morning, whilst he protests!

[Vitalstatistix]

It's selfish to have a child and then not be a parent to them because you want to be their friend.

When your son is 15, 18, 20 - and he has been pandered to his entire life, grown up with dad bending to his every whim - what kind of person do you think he will be?

Our children are what we make them. What kind of person is your husband potentially making your son? And all because he wants to be the friend of a 4 year old.

Children have got enough friends. They need parents more than they need another pal.