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Possibly got basal cell carcinoma and dh unhelpful about appointment

(87 Posts)
Ragglefrock Thu 06-Nov-14 00:05:34

I'm fairly sure I've got a bcc (skin cancer) on my shoulder - wont bore you with the details but it's textbook. I have suspected something awry for a while but couldn't see it properly and buried my head in the sand for about six months.
Anyway dh said I should get it looked at so I am planning on getting an appointment tomorrow. My dc2 is poorly with a fluey type bug no sickness (yet!) But feeling hot and feeling a bit sick. I asked if he would have a spare hour to watch her whilst I go to the doctors. He basically said no, he's a secondary school teacher and then has a meeting after school about a trip (that hes going on but not leading). I'll have to take dc2 and dc 3 with me. The doctor is at the end of our road and we live literally next door to the school so he often is home in the day to collect marking or work during free periods.
I'm kind of annoyed really, and a bit upset that despite us both agreeing that it looks dodgy, fits classic symptoms and presumably will mean a bit of minor surgery or treatment or whatever he won't step in and help for an hour. The meeting isnt critical, he has a couple of free periods and his head is reasonable over organising cover.
I'm genuinely unsure if iabu - weighing up the potential hassle factor for him against me being too needy. Im a sahm.

Iggi999 Thu 06-Nov-14 00:08:51

I wouldn't be allowed to nip out, could make a request for time off for family reasons though. I had some sympathy for your dh - as time out is a nightmare for teachers - until I read about him coming home regularly - how odd! I hope the appointment goes well. If you made it for the next again day, would he help then?

quietlysuggests Thu 06-Nov-14 00:10:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragglefrock Thu 06-Nov-14 00:13:43

Thanks - yes I know it's a tricky thing to get time off but imo it's not critical for him to go to the meeting and I suppose it just feels like he's putting his job before his family as always

Ragglefrock Thu 06-Nov-14 00:16:35

I think he doesn't want the hassle presumably because he considers it/me not worth the hassle?! Well that's my perspective anyway and I accept I'm a bit sensitive because however much I pretend, I am a bit worried

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Thu 06-Nov-14 00:16:49

It's an initial appointment. He's at work. Think you need some perspective.

NormaStits Thu 06-Nov-14 00:21:57

If you've put it off 6 months, can't you put it off another day until your child is better?

Normally I would say he's being unsupportive but he can't just bob out of work when he feels like it over something that has been non-urgent to you for months.

Nanny0gg Thu 06-Nov-14 00:55:02

I think he's being an arse.

I had a dodgy mole which turned out to be a basal cell carcinoma, but that was only confirmed after it was removed and they did the biopsy.

It can be removed as an outpatient but now you've decided to get it checked I don't see why you should have to wait.

steff13 Thu 06-Nov-14 03:10:57

How old are the children? I wasn't sure if 2 and 3 were their ages, or their birth order. If he's right next door, and you're only going to be gone an hour, can they stay by themselves?

You said you are planning on getting an appointment tomorrow. Can you get one on Friday instead so he won't have a meeting?

echt Thu 06-Nov-14 06:37:20

I would be worried. You don't know what it is, and only a biopsy will confirm, so your DH is being a tit. Better safe than sorry.

musicalendorphins2 Thu 06-Nov-14 06:40:09

Yabu. You did not bother making a doctor appointment until your dh told you too. That shows he had more concern than you did.
Plus, the doctor may refer you to a dermatologist anyways. (not sure how it works where you live) Rebook it if you feel that is best, but confer with your husband first if you want him to be at home for the kids. Good luck, I hope it goes well.

Iggi999 Thu 06-Nov-14 06:42:18

Tbh I'd be unhappy if I had to cover your dh's classes while he went home so you could go to the gps - a hospital apt would be a different matter. Anyway it's all moot until you find out what kind of availability the doctor has. Make it clear to him though that he needs to step up when it comes to having further appointments (if it comes to that). I think your dh is very disorganised if he needs to nip home during the day and I'm sure other staff are already a bit hmm about it.

VivaLeBeaver Thu 06-Nov-14 06:47:55

I think yabu. Maybe if he doesn't go to the meeting he's letting others down and the meeting will need to be rearranged? He might not be leading the trip but there will be stuff discussed he needs to know about.

bigbluestars Thu 06-Nov-14 06:51:09


You have had 6 months to sort this out- yet suddenly it becomes an emergency. One day won't make any difference.
Both my sister and mother have had minor surgeries for ongoing pre-cancerous skin growths, my mother has an ongoing one on her face which gets treated every six months or so.

Your lesion may be something else altogether, I think you are being a little over dramatic here. You will probaby wait a couple of weeks before you see a specialist anyway.

Wait until your DD is better.

bearleftmonkeyright Thu 06-Nov-14 06:57:03

Just make an appointment. You have to get it looked at and take the kids if necessary. I have had two removed. Whatever it is, make sure you get a referral to dermatologist at hospital. Good luck. The first one I had was on my back and my gp told me it was impetigo hmm

toomuchtooold Thu 06-Nov-14 07:00:43

I think YANBU. (Last year I broke my finger in the car door and didn't take it to the minor injuries clinic for a week. The doc said "why didn't you come in as soon as you did it?" and sounded quite suspicious when I told him I was a stay at home mum with 18 month old twins, like that wasn't much of an excuse).

I guess the question I would be asking myself is, what would he do if it was him? Having got up the courage to make the appointment, would he have taken the first GP apt available and rearranged his work day, or would he have asked for an appt when he wasn't working? Because basically you're being asked to go to the GP while you're "working" i.e. looking after the kids. Trouble with SAHM as a job is that you don't get any cover, holidays or sick leave, but IMO that's where your other half needs to step in and help, at least to the point where they would help themselves if it was them IYSWIM.

bigbluestars Thu 06-Nov-14 07:05:44

"but IMO that's where your other half needs to step in and help"

I agree if it is an emergency, but this isn't. The OP has already waited 6 months and I appreciate she is worried, but another day won't make any difference.

TooMuchCantBreathe Thu 06-Nov-14 07:07:46

Don't be ridiculous, you've waited 6 months but he is being unreasonable for not dropping everything on the one day you decide to go? Go the next day. The first appointment is only "look at thisthis" "oh, yes, I'll send a referral off. You'll hear from them in a few weeks".

I do sometimes wonder if some of the threads on here are posted deliberately to see how far they can push people away from reasonable expectations.

minibmw2010 Thu 06-Nov-14 07:09:45

Just take your children with you? Good luck.

bearleftmonkeyright Thu 06-Nov-14 07:20:52

I've taken my kids with me before. You're in and out in a flash. GP has only got to make a referral. If child care is the only thing stopping the op from going then what's the problem?

bearleftmonkeyright Thu 06-Nov-14 07:22:50

However op, yab a little u. You may need more help when you have it removed.

GobblersKnob Thu 06-Nov-14 07:24:58

Take the kids of the surgery is at the end of the road.

Purplepixiedust Thu 06-Nov-14 07:25:43

Rebook for a mutually convenient time?

notagainffffffffs Thu 06-Nov-14 07:33:09

Yab a little u. Also self/ineternet diagnosis is really not a great idea, if youre a typically anxious person

Floralnomad Thu 06-Nov-14 07:36:41

Agree with most of the other posters ,you should rebook the appt for a more convenient time . Your DH probably thinks ( quite rightly) that he should be saving the schools good will about flexibility for something more crucial.

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