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AIBU?

Bad beahviour @ Karate

43 replies

vickibee · 05/11/2014 12:30

I am posting to get views on this. To cut a long story short my DS aged 7 has been mucking about and being rude to the teacher. Apparently it had built up over a few weeks but came to a head last week, He locked DS in a cleaning cupboard and held it shut with a fire extinguisher. I did not report this as he is generally a nicce chap and was at the end of his tether, he made a hasty bad decision and I can live with that. Another parent reported and I was quizzed by the HT (uses school hall) and he has been let go.
What I am asking is AIBU in not reporting it and if I chose not to why has someone else poking their nose in, I feel really bad about what has happened. I asked why he hadn't called me to remove him and he did say that he didn't bring conatct details to lessons which is a bit slack if there is an emergency.DS has also been punished at home as I am ashamed of his behaviour

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NorwaySpruce · 05/11/2014 12:33

I would imagine that the other parent objected very strongly to the chance that their child might be locked in a cupboard.

What the fuck kind of teacher does that, unless your seven year old is six feet tall and was carrying a knife!?

Most martial arts instructors are able to maintain discipline in the normal kind of way.

Venticoffeecup · 05/11/2014 12:35

If the teacher in question really did what you have said, then I think it is completely appropriate that he was let go. He handled the situation badly and put your DS in danger. Not having the contact details was another big failure.

It's not your fault, but I do think that I would have complained as the way your DS was treated was not appropriate.

Thebodynowchillingsothere · 05/11/2014 12:36

I think he shouldn't be near children if he really can't control a 7 year old so he's best gone.

You need up tackle your dss behaviour before he's bigger than you.

enjoyingscience · 05/11/2014 12:37

Wow, that's terrible. It's his job as a teacher not to get to the end of his tether to that extent. I know he's only human, but he really crossed a line. A seven year old could easily have been sent into time out in a corner or sent to sit on a bench.

I think the other parent was fine to report it, I would if I saw it happen to another child.

Wilf83 · 05/11/2014 12:42

I totally understand that you are willing to see the teacher's perspective of being at the end of his tether & is out of character for him.

But equally I can understand that someone else could view this behaviour as completely unacceptable & would worry what he could do to their child if they messed around. Next time it could lead to violence & then it would be a case of 'well why didn't anyone do anything when he locked the boy in the cupboard'

hopefulpuffin · 05/11/2014 12:43

When my DS did Tae Kwon Do, if the students were messing around or being rude, they either did squats, push ups or would be in time out (depending on their age). If it continued, they would lose their belt and have to earn it back. At one point a girl had to write a paragraph detailing her poor behavior at home and what she was going to do to make up for it (this was part of getting her brown belt and she read it as part of a belt ceremony).

There's no way any student would have ever been put in a closet.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/11/2014 12:47

He locked a child in a cupboard?

He shouldn't be teaching children. It really is as simple as that. And it's every parent in that class's business, of course it is. I object as strongly to an adult locking your ds in a cupboard as I would to him locking my DS in a cupboard.

Shakirasma · 05/11/2014 12:49

I cannot understand why you are not fuming that your little 7yo was locked in a cupboard!

Shakirasma · 05/11/2014 12:53

In fact you seem sympathetic that your DS behaviour was so bad that the teacher was driven to it.

Are you struggling with your DS at home, OP?

CariadsDarling · 05/11/2014 12:55

I own a club and we have children's Karate Classes. We run a tight ship and parents comment on the children's good behaviour. We use time out as a deterrent and we've never had to go further than that punishment wise but if we did we would take away a belt. What the Sensei did was not on but Im wondering if it was a daft moment more than anything else. Like that teacher who put sticky tape on a child mouth because he wouldn't be quiet. A moment of stupidity that will have long lasting consequences.

ReallyTired · 05/11/2014 13:02

The school had no choice but to let go of the karate teacher. There is no way that its acceptable to lock a seven year old boy in a cupboard. If the karate club is an after school club there are usually teachers around who would help in a dire emergency.

If he really could not manage your child then he should have telephoned you and asked you to take him home. If he did not have your contact details then that is a safeguarding issue.

It is important that children are safe. My children's school sacked a martial arts teacher because he asked young children to do heavy lifting. Schools have a duty of care to all the children in the class and sometimes have no choice but to let someone go.

vickibee · 05/11/2014 13:09

He is a bit Jekyll and Hyde, At school he is described as a pleasant and well mannered boy who generally behaves well. there have been on or two incidents of being over zealous at playtime. At home he is generally well behaved, can be a bit argumentative etc but this incident was completely off the spectrum of behaviour that I know. I am in no way excusing my son's behaviour and feel sad that this has happened

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WorraLiberty · 05/11/2014 13:13

What does 'over zealous' actually mean in this case?

I don't blame whoever 'poked their nose in' btw. If their child is being taught by this person, they had every right to report him.

ReallyTired · 05/11/2014 13:14

vivki it doesn't matter what your son did. It is not acceptable for anyone to lock him in a cupboard. It is child abuse - end of!

That "someone else poking their nose in" stuck up for an abused child. If you know that child abuse has happened and you say nothing then you are as bad as the child abuser. I feel you should be thanking that parent for reporting what happened.

lljkk · 05/11/2014 13:15

6yo DS was once locked in a cupboard at Judo (sessions held in evenings by private club, on school premises).

Given DS how behaved (attacked another child & was going for adults), I fully support the club. I was mortified. :( I gathered DS had only been in there for 5-10 minutes before session ended, but I don't really care how long it was.

DD continued with the same club successfully for another year & did very well. I'm hoping younger DS might join one day.

Dunno if that helps you, OP. I don't think you need to justify your instincts to anybody. I can't explain what other people think or do, either.

vickibee · 05/11/2014 13:31

over zealous at playtime, wrestling with other boys and chasing round, playing a bit rough. (Other boys are joining in the same). He has had a yellow card once or twice.

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museumum · 05/11/2014 13:32

I'm more worried about him not having the children's emergency contact details on him at all times!!!

A broken bone, asthma attack or allergic reaction to something, a fit, anything could happen - he should always have the emergency info on him!

vickibee · 05/11/2014 13:33

I should also state that he is not in the least bit traumatised by this incident so I think child abuse is a bit strong. I can see that he shouldn't have done this but we all make mistakes don't we?

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WorraLiberty · 05/11/2014 13:36

No, it is child abuse whether it traumatised him or not.

Same as if you hit someone in the face. The fact it didn't hurt them, doesn't suddenly mean it's not an assault.

Wolfiefan · 05/11/2014 13:36

How can you defend shutting a child in a cupboard as a punishment?
Why are you defending rather than taking steps to improve the behaviour of your child?

vickibee · 05/11/2014 13:40

I have taken steps to improve his behaviour and he is generally well beahved and pleasant, this was totally not acceptable and he has had priviliges withdrawn at home, done a sorry card and had the implications of such behaviour explained to him. What more do you expect me to do? His archilles heel is his tablet and that eas removed for one week and pocket money withdrawn for two weeks.

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ReallyTired · 05/11/2014 13:40

I actually feel very disturbed by the fact that two mothers on this thread think its OK to lock someone in a cupboard, yet alone a child. Maybe its why their children have problems as these people clearly have no idea what is normal discipline.

vickibee · 05/11/2014 13:43

I am not defending shutting him in a cupboard, it is inappropriate and a mistake, I did not report it because I did not want to get him into heaps of trouble for a hasty moment

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lljkk · 05/11/2014 13:45

Some of us are just more laid back, Vicki. I think MN is full of the professionally outraged. Like it's an itch they need to regularly scratch.

vickibee · 05/11/2014 13:45

I feel under personal attack here....

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