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How should I deal with this? ASD related

(35 Posts)
ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 11:48:31

I'm mainly posting here for traffic, as AIbu is a popular board especially during the day, as realise you're not all ladies of leisurewink but is still a SEN issue mainly however. ... Some background, a few months ago my reception age ds was pinned and strangled by an older child,very serious incident no dinner ladies saw he had to fught him off crying, scratches on him, to this day i know what he looks like but not whats hes called ..only due to DS much later, pointing out. The HT gave me sone rehearsed halfarsed rubbish on the phone, to this day non of the teachers have spoken, made any effort to rectify this matter. fast forward a few months ds and another boy (same age) have been barneying a few times culminating in a plastic cone fight, and I'm called in for a word. Now.....I've told DS tablet time will be stopped if i hear of more fighting thats a separate issue its been dealt with, however my parents, DH included are quite angry at the blatantly unequal response especially regarding a bullying/safeguarding issue. Also DS ticking i.e loud noises, lack.of personal space when happy/excited and has been punished a few times for it, I do understand that its disruptive i do, put hes also essentially being punished for something he cant control, which cant be maintained its not fair, iv rang the child development centre to get the ball rolling for some support, im just at a loss i feel like hes recieving a very unequal , unfair treatment i.e we care when hes dishing it out, but not when hes on the receiving end. How should i proceed?

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 11:48:48

Sorry long!

WooWooOwl Wed 05-Nov-14 11:55:42

You don't need to know what the first boy that had an incident with your ds is called, and you don't know that his parents weren't called in for a word too.

The school isn't going to tell you all the details of how they dealt with someone else's child, and nor should they, you have no right to know that information.

What do you expect them to do to rectify it anyway? They can't turn back time and stop it from ever happening, all they can do is deal with now, and it's highly likely that they've done that and just haven't told you the details of it because it's not your business to know.

If your ds has SEN, you need the school on your side to deal with that, and you need to stop focussing on the apparent unfair, unequal treatment when you have no way of knowing whether that's even true.

WooWooOwl Wed 05-Nov-14 11:58:27

Sorry, should have also answered how you could proceed, and you're doing the right thing by going to the child development centre. The other thing you should do is make an appointment to talk to your schools SENCO, they will be well placed to advise you.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 11:58:32

I know nothing was done, they have told me as such

Dawndonnaagain Wed 05-Nov-14 11:59:59

Actually, you do have a right to know that the incident was dealt with, and how, eg. we stopped three playtimes and had a word.

With regard to the tics, the school are not allowed to punish him for them. They are his tics and if they are part of a low level disruption, the class will eventually learn to accept and ignore. It's the school/teacher that are having difficulty. Inform them that they are not allowed to punish him for behaviours that are part and parcel of his difference and that you will be discussing safeguarding with the governors and the local authority should it happen again.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:02:00

How would i do that ring up and just ask to organise a meeting with the senco? Im all for having the 'school on my side' if they are adequate, someone somewhere isnt pulling their way and let my vulnerable boy down, and possibly others.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:04:49

Thats interesting dawn,do you have SEN experience? it can be pretty disruptive tbh manifests itself as hyperactivity, their rule is apparent if warnings are ignored you're put in the other classroom to sit for a bit,

WooWooOwl Wed 05-Nov-14 12:04:55

I don't believe the school would tell you explicitly that they were going to do nothing about a reception child being strangled by a much older child.

My school wouldn't tell parents details of punishments given to other people's children, because it's not information that they need to know for the benefit of their own children.

WooWooOwl Wed 05-Nov-14 12:05:53

Yes, call them or pop into the office and ask to make an appointment.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:08:12

I was told "we've not taken it further, we didnt know how to proceed"

Dawndonnaagain Wed 05-Nov-14 12:08:24

Chooch, I have three children with ASD. (19 and 18 year old twins).
19 year old ds also has physical tourettes.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:10:32

Oh right a lot of experience then, whenever he gets stimulated/excited he does get over excited hypers invades facial space getting giddy, etc

sickntiredtoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:14:37

' invades facial space '
doe that mean shoving his face right up to someone else's.You can't expect him to be allowed to do that!!!

WooWooOwl Wed 05-Nov-14 12:17:44

Then that is a terrible response from the school, and you are likely to have a fight on your hands to get your ds the support he needs.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:37:18

I didn't say he should be allowed but neecs to be managed in an appropriate way ,

Shakirasma Wed 05-Nov-14 12:38:18

"doe that mean shoving his face right up to someone else's.You can't expect him to be allowed to do that!!!"

I'm sure he's not "allowed" to do that, but nor should he be punished. He's 5, he's got ASD, he needs reminding and directing and he will eventually learn, but he must not be punished for it.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:38:41

I know woo woo hence the thread.

mummytime Wed 05-Nov-14 12:40:46

Yes phone and request an appointment with the SENCO. When you meet them ask to schedule a regular (at least termly) meeting to discuss your DS's needs.
No he shouldn't be punished for his tics. If he is behaving aggressively what are they doing about it? Have they asked for any specialist advice? What are they doing to "safeguard your son and other children"?

They probably need to: monitor him more, give him a safe place to escape to when it becomes too much (as observed by him or a TA or teacher), observe when things become too much and work with him on preventative strategies. He may need a quieter place at breaks and lunchtimes.

Do you have anything in writing about the earlier incident? I would suggest keeping written records of your interactions with the school. I know someone who emails after every verbal discussion.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:40:51

Thanks for the replies so far , even the less than helpful ones.

BerniceBroadside Wed 05-Nov-14 12:42:42

I think a chat with the school about how to meet his needs is warranted. I don't think they need to give you specifics of punishment, just confirm that other children have been dealt with.

Does a quiet space calm him down? If so sending him into another room is probably a useful tool, but it should be framed as such, not as a punishment.

Are the school properly aware of what his triggers are and how to spot the signs he is getting stressed? Some teachers seem to be a bit one size fits all with asd and forget that every child has different triggers and needs. Obviously they can't remember everything/avoid all triggers for every child, but it might be helpful give them some additional info.

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 12:43:46

Thats why I rang CDC off my own , get that ball rolling, I don't know if they have but Im not about to wait for more incompetent behaviour if they haven't, they also cant accuse me of not being proactive,

ChoochiWoo Wed 05-Nov-14 20:01:15

Ive not had a call back at all today not sure how to proceed tbh

definatlylosingmysanity Wed 05-Nov-14 20:51:27

Hi op Can I ask if your ds has a statement? If so if your not happy with how things are being dealt with ring them and request an emergency review stating the problems within school including the strangling incident.

If not get a meeting with the senco and ask for them to apply for a statement of educational needs. The name of it is being changed I don't have the details of what to at hand but I will find our folder and get the new name for it.
Also it might be an idea to Google parent partnership for your area they are brilliant for helping guide you through issues at school and with the statement process. They can attend meetings as an advocate but can't speak for you but they help prepare you for the meetings, take notes then talk through with what options you have.
My son is 9 he has adhd global development delay and sensitivity issues we are still going through the process for a asd dx. My son has tics problems with personal space etc and school cannot punish him they are supposed to put strategies in place to help him cope and deal with things. I have also had experience with my ds being strangled it happened on more then one occasion and they were using a skipping rope. The only way with dealing with it I found was having a meeting with the senco and ht and stating firmly about all the issues and we talked through them one by one and them giving possible solutions and us all working with my ds to help him. It's not been easy and problems haven't been totally sorted but at the moment my ds is safe in school now.
If you have a consultant it may be an idea to contact them and explain the situation with your ds and school as they may have strategies school can use to help him. We have camhs involved and they send a copy of all letters to school out lining all ds's problems and possible strategies and if camhs forget I take my copy into school for them to copy and put on ds file. It keeps a paper trail of what's going on.

Tanukisan Wed 05-Nov-14 20:58:03

It's now called an Education and Health Care plan (EHC). Does he have a statement, choochi? Or are you in the process of getting an EHC.

I'm shocked by the strangling incidents. How terrifying for you both.

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