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Aibu to write pages about my mil

(16 Posts)
Mmolly2013 Tue 04-Nov-14 13:53:56

I've been with my partner for over 9 years now we have one child and aren't married. I have had so many issues over the years with MIL and SIL that have went on from day one and I can't see ever working properly. He won't go no contact and they are very forceful in coming to our house also they are very vindictive and evil.

I sat today and started to write everything they have done and said to me and how they have hurt me over the years and caused loads of stress, so far I'm onto my tenth file page. My hands sore so I'm taking a break it still has more to go on.

I don't know why I wrote it partly to clear it all out of my head and have my feelings on paper, I would love to give it to her because she is diluded and thinks all her behaviour is normal, she would be too offended if I did give it to her and cause much unneeded issues at the moment. I might just put it away for safekeeping, or hide it in a draw so one day if she's being nosey she will find it but she can't comment because then she would have been caught being nosey so will know how I feel.

Icimoi Tue 04-Nov-14 13:56:19

Can you summarise what you have written into one or two pages at most and present it to DP, so that you can have a proper discussion about why he needs to go no contact for your sake and, especially, that of your child?

TheLyingOldBitchAndHerWardrobe Tue 04-Nov-14 13:56:26

Bullet point it here for us and we'll give you advice.

Vitalstatistix Tue 04-Nov-14 13:57:41

And through these 9 years, how has your partner showed and told his mother and sister that his partner and the mother of his child is a person who deserves to be respected by them? How has he demanded that they treat you with respect and courtesy? What has he done when they have upset you? Why have they never listened to him when he tells them their behaviour is unacceptable? What will he do if they begin to treat his child badly or to badmouth you in front of that child?

Mmolly2013 Tue 04-Nov-14 14:02:37

My partner takes my side he knows how I feel but one day I will actually show him it. He won't go no contact as they are nice as pie to him some days but mad on the others, he only has them two as family so he would have no one if we went no contact. I have backed off though but I'm becoming possessive of my child because I can't stand them near the baby.

-we have fell out more time that I can count over e years it started with her accusing me of taking her son away (I was 16) hmm.
-she has kicked her son out of the home to many times before we put our foot down and got our own hone
-she has been abusive via texts and calls, calling me slut, skank stuff like that over the 9 years (shes very childish), I've changed my number twice.
-she appears to be very jealous of me and copy's me she took on the same personal trainer as me and quizzed him about me. So I had to change trainers and keep things to myself.
-when my parent passed away she didn't even text to say sorry
-she stopped talking to us at the end of my pregnancy
-always gives my partner grief about me even though I try not to see her so I am not doing anything wrong

I really could go on my baby is on 8 weeks old and I don't want him growing up wi a grandparent that gets on like this. She went mad because my parent babysat the child for the first time so I could get so me time, why would I let her look after my child when she barely bothers to come see him and also I don't trust her.

Mmolly2013 Tue 04-Nov-14 14:04:48

When we first started going out he was caught in the middle. But know he 100% sticks by me, he has put his foot down and not she doesn't say as much stuff and doesn't even text me at all but when she comes here she nices as anything. But when she leaves she will text my partner saying that we are pushing her away.

We've decide that I will ignore them and he will just deal with them. But my child stays with me so if they find the time to see her I will always be present

Mmolly2013 Tue 04-Nov-14 14:05:31

They all stopped talking a few weeks ago because of the way she doesn't care about the child but her other grandchild she looks after 24/7

Vitalstatistix Tue 04-Nov-14 14:14:54

It's good that he is behind you a little, but I don't understand how he can even want them in his life when they treat you like this.

Does he not understand that by playing happy families with them ever, he is giving them the message that it is acceptable to him to have his partner called a slut and a skank and sent abusive messages?

If my mum or sister behaved like that to my husband, they'd never set eyes on any of us again.

You do right to not want your child to be involved with them. Imagine that child growing up with granny whispering in their ear about what a skank mummy is. Vile.

I suppose if you've worked out something that you can both live with then that's really all you can do and I wish you good luck with it and hope they don't start up again.

captainmummy Tue 04-Nov-14 14:19:17

Um - he only has them two as family so he would have no one if we went no contact. ??? He has a partner (you) and a child!!!

Agree that it won't be long before they start settting your child against you.

Mmolly2013 Fri 07-Nov-14 12:40:30

I am worried they will eventually do that which is why I'm so protective of him but when I finish maternity and go back to work sure what can I do

captainmummy Fri 07-Nov-14 14:12:42

molly - I am totally NC with my father (23years), my sister,(5years) and with a brother I haven't seen or heard from in about 6 years. I have my own family - 3 dc, who have never seen their GF, or had any contact with aunt or uncle in those 5-6 years.

I'm lucky in that I live a long way from any of them, which makes it easier, but also meant I had no help with childcare, or family support. I had my DH, and a MIL who was more local, but useless.

It can be done - just because they are related, doesn't mean automatic, unquestioning access to your dc. Get childcare. Get a nursery. Get friends you can count on (my friends are my family-support - there when I needed short-notice childcare for a few hours, on a reciprocal basis)

It can be done. You need to keep toxic people away from your dc.

SpringBreaker Fri 07-Nov-14 14:28:14

How can they have another grandchild if he has no other family?

Venticoffeecup Fri 07-Nov-14 14:56:14

I think there is a middle ground between NC and letting them walk all over you.

Your partner does need to start sticking up for you however. I would ask him to criticise them every time they cross the line with their behaviour and tell them that he won't speak to them until they can be civil to you.

It's difficult if he isn't on board however. You need to point out to him how this will negatively affect your child and that your child needs to grow up around a functional family not a dysfunctional one.

As a side note, the first 6 months of having a baby is a hugely stressful and emotional time and I can understand that it's such a powerful urge to set the world to rights for your son. However you have so much on your plate that it might not be the right time to take on this issue as well. I'm not saying ignore it, I'm just saying that you should take your time if that is what suits you better.

Mmolly2013 Fri 07-Nov-14 14:56:54

sils child

Mmolly2013 Fri 07-Nov-14 14:57:31

but shes the golden girl obv as its mil daughtrr

captainmummy Fri 07-Nov-14 19:03:02

SHe might be the golden child, and your dp the scapegoat, but you don't have to continue like this. Your dp has to face up to her. He needs to man-up - he has a partner and child who need support .

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