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To be nervous of my DD when she is having a tantrum

(53 Posts)
MrsMarigold Tue 04-Nov-14 13:31:23

she's two and is having quite a few. I'm terrified as she bites and throttles me but also won't let me go or comfort her. I'm worried she'll hurt herself the way she hurls herself about. Any tips. The key issue is that she always wants to take her baby in the bath or wear her shoes in there. I tried bathing her in the morning instead but no joy.

AggressiveBunting Tue 04-Nov-14 13:33:29

YAB (a bit) U.

If she's aggressive, just peel her off and dump her in her cot for a few minutes to blow herself out. How can a 2 yr old throttle you anyway? Surely they'd need bigger hands.

RunBikeRun Tue 04-Nov-14 13:38:17

I'm confused, She's 2, How does she overpower you? Pick her up and place her somewhere safe (Her cot) until calm is restored.

MrsMarigold Tue 04-Nov-14 13:39:33

But won't she start associating the cot with being in trouble then? and she can climb out anyway.

FrauHelga Tue 04-Nov-14 13:39:36

If she's having a tantrum, trying to comfort her is likely to make it worse.

I concur with dump her somewhere safe like her cot and walk away until she calms down.

MonstersBalls Tue 04-Nov-14 13:39:37

Would bribery work? Promise something for after the bath so long as she gets in without her shoes on. grin

It is very hard at this age. I always think they're trying to have some control so if you offer a choice or decision it can help.

TheIronGnome Tue 04-Nov-14 13:40:04

Agree with the other two. Place her somewhere safe (cot?) and leave. Return once she's calmed down. Don't 'feed' the tantrum and certainly don't put yourself in a position of harm.

TheIronGnome Tue 04-Nov-14 13:40:43

Then her bedroom? (X post)

MrsMarigold Tue 04-Nov-14 13:41:28

I don't want to hurt her and she thrashes like mad when I pick her up, she can keep going for over an hour.

VenusRising Tue 04-Nov-14 13:41:44

You need to nip this in the bud and lay down some ground rules.

Get a bath mat where she is allowed to jump up and down and scream, and make sure she is put there when she kicks off.

You say you have anew baby? Or it her dolly she wants to bathe. Why not throw the doll in to the bath with her?
Or get some help and bathe the two of them together, paying special attention to her.

Why are you bathing her everyday? Is she that grubby?
Is it a rushed affair and seen as a chore?

If you do have a new baby she misses you and is crying out for help by raging against her loss.

Get a rug for yourself and jump on it when you're cross! Show her how it's done and that you survive. Sometimes emotions can be frightening, but they're just feelings, and we can choose another one if we are sure we don't lose ourself by having them.

Learning how to live with and safely express unpleasant feelings is a huge skill.

Feeling enraged and furious can be very frightening at the beginning, so draw pictures with her of sad faces, and happy faces and angry faces and don't be afraid to draw them big and red!! It's important she can label her feelings is she finds them frightening.

magpiegin Tue 04-Nov-14 13:43:07

You need to show her who us boss. If not the cot then put her in her room and close the door until she calms down.

MrsMarigold Tue 04-Nov-14 13:43:23

Bribery does nothing - she is very determined.

holeinmyheart Tue 04-Nov-14 13:43:35

Awful and stressful as it sounds I am afraid that the important thing to remember is that you are the adult. A two year old has not the intellect to plot against you and think ' how can I make Mummy miserable today' ?
Bringing children up is hard work because they are ruthlessly focused on their own needs. They don't care about you, whether you are tired or fed up etc.
Please try and be as patient as possible. The calmer and quieter you are in response to aggression the sooner she will realise that there is no milage in having a screaming fit.
You may think that when people are witnessing a two year old's tantrum outside that they are thinking ' what an awful Mother/ child, but they are not. They are more than likely thinking ' I remember that bit' and feeling very sympathetic towards you.
Keep calm and don't shout and this phase will pass. Have you any plastic crocs for the bath?

RunBikeRun Tue 04-Nov-14 13:44:28

You are not going to hurt her by being a parent and gaining control. pick her up and put her in her room and close the door.

FrauHelga Tue 04-Nov-14 13:45:11

She's two, of course she's determined grin

TarkaTheOtter Tue 04-Nov-14 13:45:30

Is she just two or nearly three? If the former, I'd give it a little time. I found it escalated up to 2.5yrs then she calmed down a lot and was able to be a lot more irrational. If the latter, I personally would start using stronger consequences for violence. We confiscate a toy (usually her playmobil dolls house - which she knows she is allowed to play with because she is a big girl), but that might not suit your parenting style.

TarkaTheOtter Tue 04-Nov-14 13:46:06

*rational not irrational obviously.

thegreylady Tue 04-Nov-14 13:46:24

Let her take her doll in the bath and make sure that her shoes are off long before bath time. Let her wear socks in the bath if she leikes. When my dd was 2 she had tantrums the like of which I have never seen before Or since. I used to put her on my knee facing away from me and wrap my arms round her then I would start reciting rhymes or telling a story while rocking back and forwards. She would thrash and scream and kick but I just kept going and after a few minutes she woul slowly calm and want to listen. She is 40 now and has memories of her absolute frustration at not being able to tell me what she wanted to. At 3 she developed a stammer as she desperately tried to tell me what was going on in her head. The tantrums gradually lessend and stopped once she was at school. She is a teacher now and has her own dc. If ever one of them has a bit of a tantrum I have a little smile. This will pass.

MrsMarigold Tue 04-Nov-14 13:47:09

It's her dolly - I also have a three year old.
Thank you - she is filthy by the end of the day always puts food/paint/ in her hair, draws on herself and when she is a good mood she loves the bath.

VenusRising Tue 04-Nov-14 13:48:30

She needs to learn how to label her feelings, especially the "bad" ones, if she finds them frightening (or you find them frightening, more to the point) .

Being angry and shouting is a totally normal thing to be. Learning how to sit with that emotion and learning how to be peaceful with it is very important.

Drawing and learning words for things is especially important for her now as she's two. Teach her some sign language shorthand for things like "home" or "thirsty" or "hungry". The sooner she learns how to express herself the better. Get her to point at things and say "please" is also a huge life skill.

Berriesinautumn Tue 04-Nov-14 13:51:35

I understand how it can be frightening if an child is out of control. Toddlers may be little but the lack of any restraint whatsoever is kinda scary.
My son is younger, one and a half. When he is tantruming trying to hold or touch him only makes him angrier and more distressed. I sit on the floor and talk gently till he calms down. Not sure what I would do if he was determinedly attacking me at this time though.

MrsMarigold Tue 04-Nov-14 13:52:31

She is just two, my DS was not like her, she has strong views on everything and choses her own clothes everyday. I usually just ignore her and get on with sorting out my son and they have lots of bath toys. But I've never seen such rage.

VenusRising Tue 04-Nov-14 13:54:50

The greylady that's fab advice, and what we used to do also. Sometimes they think they want to be far far away from you, but in reality they want to be closer than ever.
Having her face pointing away reduces the intensity of it but keeps her close.
Rocking is a rhythmic physical way of saying that your hold on her is predictable and to be trusted, and your love for her is unconditional.

I used to breathe really noisily as well- slow calm yoga breathing - and I found with my dd she used to copy me and calm down very well.

Often she was thirsty, so load up on her sippy cups. We had two around the house and one for the buggy.

iPaddy Tue 04-Nov-14 13:55:13

Honestly - let her take her baby into the bath.

Go and spend £3 on some cheap shoes (charity shop?) that she can wear in the bath.

I would have been exactly like you but now my DD is nearly 7 I know that I "put my foot down" on loads of stuff that didn't matter.

Mmolly2013 Tue 04-Nov-14 13:56:16

Why don't you buy her special bath shoes such as wee flip flops or something until she grows out of this phase. Why struggle

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