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To go or not to go

(31 Posts)
Mell1ssa Tue 04-Nov-14 12:12:00

My SIL has just celebrated her 40th & didn't want a party, went away for the weekend instead (which is exactly what I did, don't blame her). However she's now invited family & friends to her local at the weekend to celebrate belatedly. No children are allowed. As we rely on family to babysit & they're all going to be at this 'do' this effectively means that only one of us is invited, the other will have to stay at home with our son. Should I go alone, just to put in an appearance, or stay at home with my family?

ILovePud Tue 04-Nov-14 12:13:55

If you want to go then go but I wouldn't bother going if just to put in an appearance, if your SIL is reasonable she'll understand why.

EmptyNestAgain Tue 04-Nov-14 12:14:37

Well, do you want to go or do you think you 'have'to go?
I would stay home. I'm not bothered about missing out and it gives them someone to gossip about grin

SpringBreaker Tue 04-Nov-14 12:15:29

Does nobody else in the family have children? If so then perhaps you can share a babysitter with them?

youareallbonkers Tue 04-Nov-14 12:17:35

Get a babysitter so you can both go. Your post sounds as though you are resentful that all the family are going and one of you can't as you use them as childcare

Carriemac Tue 04-Nov-14 12:18:52

get a sitter!

arethereanyleftatall Tue 04-Nov-14 12:21:31

Do what you want!! Go if you want. Don't go if you don't want to go. Get a sitter if you both want to go.

Scholes34 Tue 04-Nov-14 12:31:46

I don't think the OP is resentful that there's no family member to babysit. I would read into the post that she'd just rather not go and the lack of babysitter is an excuse.

There won't always be a family member available to babysit, and now might be the time to start looking around for alternatives. There will be loads of late teens willing and able to babysit, most of them with parents to hand if needed. When my teenage daughter first started babysitting, I think I was more nervous than the parents she was babysitting for!

Mell1ssa Tue 04-Nov-14 12:42:05

Thanks for your replies, Scholes34 your first para hits the nail on the head. tbh I'm not fussed about going 1) because i'm not a big drinker these days (& everybody else is!) 2) this is another example of other family members arranging a do where all the expense is on the heads of the attendees 3) all other dos have included my son & my hubby is upset he's left out this time.

I should add my son is 13. He does get left alone during the daytime but we are not willing to leave him alone at night (til midnight) & though he's very mature & responsible we know he wouldn't be happy to be left on this occasion.

youareallbonkers Tue 04-Nov-14 12:49:41

13? A babysitter for a 13 yo, I've heard it all now

pinkbraces Tue 04-Nov-14 12:51:06

Well, this really is a non AIBU. Go if you want to, don't if you prefer not to!

Why is your DH upset that your son is not invited? Adults can have party time without kids, its not unusual or strange. Your DS is 13 go for an hour or two and then come home.

Just decide.

And yest, Im in a very bad mood today and threads like these make me wild.

pinkbraces Tue 04-Nov-14 12:52:29

oh FFS I cant even type now, I meant yes not yest.

shakemysilliesout Tue 04-Nov-14 13:00:56

I think go or don't go- but don't blame the cost of babysitter on the host/ or blame the host for Dh babysitting and missing out, I think 13 is a bit old for a babysitter. you could phone him after an hour?

AesSedai Tue 04-Nov-14 13:02:09

He's 13 YEARS - not 13 MONTHS !! Go if you want to, don't go if you don't want to.

JamaicanMeCrazy Tue 04-Nov-14 13:03:26

Can he not sleep over at a friends house or something? smile

WorraLiberty Tue 04-Nov-14 13:03:54

See if I was celebrating my Birthday in a pub and I said 'no children allowed', I wouldn't necessarily be including a 13yr old in that.

I know he's still a child, but at that age he's old enough not to cause any noise/mess/fuss etc, like a younger child might.

Either way, I'd probably leave him at home and just go for a couple of drinks.

SaucyMare Tue 04-Nov-14 13:10:36

2) this is another example of other family members arranging a do where all the expense is on the heads of the attendees

umm babysitters are always at the expense of the attendees, your kids you pay. Kids don't have to be invited to everything.

Iggly Tue 04-Nov-14 13:17:59

I thought we were talking toddlers here. Not a 13 year old.

Seriously. You will get flamed for that!

Me624 Tue 04-Nov-14 13:38:27

He's 13!! At 14 I was babysitting myself, until well past midnight. Don't go if you don't want to go but don't pretend it's a childcare issue.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 04-Nov-14 14:06:42

I don't think it would be a problem leaving him in the house for a couple of hours at his age with the tv on and a working phone. Ring home to check he's okay.

We were on good terms with our neighbours so could ask them if they'd mind if we left their number with teen DCs in case they got spooked - just as handy interim back up until we got back if summoned. The neighbours never minded and our DCs never felt any need.

iPaddy Tue 04-Nov-14 14:12:21



iPaddy Tue 04-Nov-14 14:12:30


Scholes34 Tue 04-Nov-14 14:32:55

Actually, if you say you can't go because you can't get a babysitter, you're shooting yourself in the foot, as it's a ridiculous excuse and absolutely there's no reason why the 13 year old can't go with you.

gingee Tue 04-Nov-14 14:36:11

Yes hire a nursery worker perhaps for a couple of hours, she'll do some lovely crafts and watch Topsy and Tim with your little one. Oh wait.

steff13 Tue 04-Nov-14 14:38:07

If you don't want to go, don't go. I don't think a typical 13-year-old needs a babysitter, even at night. Midnight isn't THAT late, you could keep in contact with him by phone, ask the neighbors to keep an eye out, etc.

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