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To not my want partner to go on holiday without me

(27 Posts)
Queenofwands Tue 04-Nov-14 00:41:54

My girlfriend used to go away frequently with a friend ( straight) before she met me. They used to sometimes stay with friends family in Abu dhabi. She said tonight that her friend has asked her to go with her next year. I asked her if she wants to go and she said she was fifty - fifty. I know she loved it last time but i was a bit gutted she was considering it. AIBU

Oakmaiden Tue 04-Nov-14 01:53:10

A bit.

I go away with my friends and without my Dh. But the, he wouldn't want to come with us. Would you want to go if you were invited? Because if so, then I understand and you should say that to your girlfriend.

SurfsUp1 Tue 04-Nov-14 01:56:55

I can't understand wanting to go to Abu Dhabi, but I'm not actually sure what you're worried about?
How long is she going for? A girls weekend every now and then is great fun. If she's heading off for a months or two and using all her annual leave without you then I can understand your issues.

Fluffyears Tue 04-Nov-14 17:45:04

She isn't joined at your hip surely a girls holiday is fine or am I missing something? Saying she is 59/50 means she wants to go but knows you're too possessive to be ok with it!

Fluffyears Tue 04-Nov-14 17:45:26

*50/50

Vitalstatistix Tue 04-Nov-14 17:46:52

why are you gutted?

antimatter Tue 04-Nov-14 17:47:01

would you have another holiday with her next year?

TheIronGnome Tue 04-Nov-14 17:47:27

I'm assuming it's a male friend she wants to go with...??

QuintsBombWithAWiew Tue 04-Nov-14 17:50:23

Well, your gf would not get this holiday unless she went with her friend and stayed with family, so yabu.

People still do stuff with friends even if they have partners/spouses, regardless of any gender or sexual preferences.

Thrholidaysarecoming Tue 04-Nov-14 17:50:24

Please don't try and cage her in.

My lovely dp is the first partner I've had thats has no issues what do ever if I go away/go out with friends ect ... He has just paid for me to go on a weekend hen do to Spain.

He will be at home with our baby.

He trusts me and wants me to enjoy myself. If you don't want either of these things for your gf then leave her. She or you will never be happy if you try and curb her time away from you .

Hatespiders Tue 04-Nov-14 18:05:55

I agree with holidaysarecoming. It's a lovely offer for her and she'll be disappointed if you don't support her decision. But perhaps you two could have a holiday together as well somewhere? My dh went to Africa this summer for the whole of his 5 weeks' leave, to see his family and friends. I was very happy for him to go. I went to Scotland to stay with my ds.
Freedom is a good thing in a relationship I find. No-one likes to be prevented from doing what they really want to do.

SoonToBeSix Tue 04-Nov-14 18:08:25

I understand it as the op is gay and feels left out but maybe I read it wrong.
Either way I wouldn't want my dh to go that far on hi day without me and it's not something he would consider.

TheAwfulDaughter Tue 04-Nov-14 18:10:58

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TeaForTara Tue 04-Nov-14 18:27:20

It's difficult to know whether YABU or not, from the information you've given. I go on holiday without my DP but I have more annual leave than he does, and I go to places he's not interested in, so he's not really missing out other than missing my company for a week or two. He's fine about it.

Would this holiday be instead of one with you? Is there no way you can go with them on the trip? Do you know and trust the friend, or have you never met them, and suspect that their relationship is more than just friends? Can you put into words why you are so concerned?

Queenofwands Tue 04-Nov-14 19:36:55

Apologies for the delay been at work. Thanks for the replies. It's a straight female friend who she has known for years. 100 PC not bothered about them. I am bothered about Abu Dhabi...not somewhere I would go to on principle for political reasons. If I'm honest I don't like the fact they go to women's nights and get free drinks..and the relative is a bit flirty IMO. Other holidays are not an issue and we can still go away a few times next year together. If it was Spain I wouldn't worry.... I think I am being a bit unreasonable. She wouldn't want me to go if it was the other way round though.

TheIronGnome Tue 04-Nov-14 19:59:03

I don't get it. Why wouldn't she want you to go, and why don't you want her to? Do you not trust her? I went to Abu Dhabi to visit friends and it was fine as a place.

Yes they have ladies nights, yes the drinks are free but I really don't get why this is relevant.

I'm totally confused why this is an issue.

Queenofwands Tue 04-Nov-14 20:12:31

Well I can't go with her because we can't share a bed without risking prison. The three of them go out alone to ladies nights where there drinks are free and the men pay... What's that all about! I met them in town once after work when relative was home and they where with a group of men who were buying their drinks.....I was horrified. I mentioned it to my mum and she said I was being ridiculous. I can't believe girls can be comfortable with that.

TeaForTara Tue 04-Nov-14 22:45:52

She wouldn't want me to go if it was the other way round though

This seems like a very good starting point for a discussion between the two of you. Hope you manage to resolve it so you're both happy with the solution, Queen .

whois Tue 04-Nov-14 23:31:20

I find it strange to think a person who is gay would like to go and holiday in a country where homosexual activity is illegal.

SurfsUp1 Tue 04-Nov-14 23:37:29

If it was Spain I wouldn't worry

Yeah, because Spanish men are never flirty! hmm

Abu Dhabi has got to be the most boring holiday destination imaginable! I'd rather go to Hemel Hempstead, but it's not particularly dangerous, unless you can die of an overdose of dull and ugly.

Back in ye olden days when I used to go out to bars regularly with my girlfriends being bought drinks by bloke was totally the norm. IME it's normal all over the world, and I've drunk pretty globally. Are you saying you wouldn't buy a girl a drink in a bar? Because if not, you've been missing a trick!

I can guarantee your gf could find FAR more mischief to get up to in Spain. Or probably Hemel Hempstead for that matter.

SurfsUp1 Tue 04-Nov-14 23:43:39

Or Spanish women for that matter.

PhaedraIsMyName Wed 05-Nov-14 00:42:33

Aside from the destination being a bit odd, I'm really puzzled what the big deal is about one half of a couple taking a holiday on her/his own with a friend.

SingingSands Wed 05-Nov-14 00:47:39

I went to Abu Dhabi on honeymoon, 10 yrs ago. I'm pretty sure it was the most boring week of my life. Bet she goes, and misses you like crazy.

SurfsUp1 Wed 05-Nov-14 01:58:21

Seemed like a good idea at the time SingingSands? grin

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