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To think this is a vv bad gift idea?

(21 Posts)
susannahmoodie Mon 03-Nov-14 19:04:31

Ok, I've posted about this before but we have a dreadful situation going on in dh side of the family atm, basically bil and his gf have had a child taken into foster care. The situation is ongoing and unresolved but it is likely to result in the baby being adopted.

Sil (dh's other brothers wife) has been in touch to say that an auntie of dh's has rang to ask advice- for Christmas they were getting a family tree made for pil, but they weren't sure whether to put the child currently in foster care on it......and she was asking what to do. hmm The I feel like telling her it's a dreadful idea, completely inappropriate atm and is v likely to upset pil regardless of the decision she makes about the tree.

As context, I have long suspected this aunt is a bit of a shit stirrer and here I think she is being deliberately provocative. It wouldn't even surprise me if she had made the whole thing up to find out the latest about what's going on.

But I could be wrong and she could genuinely think she has got a lovely present idea. Sil hs asked my advice about what to tell her (wifework I know) do I say?

MuttonCadet Mon 03-Nov-14 19:07:13

It's a truly dreadful idea, no good can come of it. Get them some chocolates and a bottle of booze.

AnyFawker Mon 03-Nov-14 19:08:19

wtaf ? Is the woman a psychopath ?

PinkSquash Mon 03-Nov-14 19:10:43

Tell her it's terrible. It really bloody is.

AlpacaYourThings Mon 03-Nov-14 19:11:01

Fucking hell, that's an awful idea. Really shitty.

AnotherGirlsParadise Mon 03-Nov-14 19:12:08

No, no, no, no, and no. Just no. Incredibly insensitive and quite possibly downright poisonous. I'd find it impossible to be diplomatic about this, so I can't offer anything constructive, but I'd definitely tell the woman that it's a bad, bad idea.

Marmiteandjamislush Mon 03-Nov-14 19:14:20

Horrible and hurtful idea. Not in the spirit of Christmas at all. Do not hold back how bad of an idea you think this is OP. What a nasty Aunt DH has. sad

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Mon 03-Nov-14 19:14:22

Dreadful idea, thoughtless and very upsetting to all involved.
If she wants too go down the personalised gift route there are so many better options out there on most on line retailers - personalised jewelry box / hip flask / bottle of wine with PIL names on etc. There is no need for them to do the family tree, it is going to hurt if they miss the baby off (as she is still part of the bloodline whether adopted out or not) and hurt everytime they look at it if they add her name and she does get adopted out.
I think you need to find something your PIL need or want and steer her very clearly in that direction. Maybe look yourself for something you think they would like, and tell the aunt you have had a much better idea that PIL will just cherish forever. Make it clear that a family tree is just going to cause upset, and you will not be a part of that.

notagainffffffffs Mon 03-Nov-14 19:14:31

How rude. The child will alwaus be theirs, its cruel to scrub he/she out of the history just because their parents are fuckwits

stiffstink Mon 03-Nov-14 19:15:15

I misread it at first and thought it was a plan to put a foster child on the family tree. On reading it again my head exploded that anyone would consider that to be a kind and thoughtful gift in the circumstances of BIL and GF.

Presumably she'd get it in a big frame too, the fucking bitch.

Pico2 Mon 03-Nov-14 19:20:11

That is shit stirring of the highest proportions. She should just be told that.

StrangeGlue Mon 03-Nov-14 19:21:23

Wow you or sil are going to have to firmly say 'this is an inappropriate present which will hurt pil. I'm sure that's not your intention but you can't give them that.'

Shit it's fallen to you two to tell her

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Mon 03-Nov-14 19:42:22

Shit stirring.

Don't even answer her.

susannahmoodie Mon 03-Nov-14 19:47:25

But what if I don't answer her and then she actually gives them it?! shock

AnyFawker Mon 03-Nov-14 19:51:12

I would give her a rocket up the arse, tbh

DeeCayed Mon 03-Nov-14 19:55:10

Shitty present under the circumstances, would the baby be going to a completely new family or is it possible for the child to be adopted within the family? If there's a possibility that pils/you & dh/bil&sil would take the child then it wouldn't be as shitty.

chinam Mon 03-Nov-14 19:55:12

Only a complete moron would think that this is an appropriate gift. She is definitely trying to cause trouble.

PumpkinPie2013 Mon 03-Nov-14 19:58:06

No, just no! Seriously - tell her very bluntly!

It will cause nothing but upset!

susannahmoodie Mon 03-Nov-14 19:59:38

We have been asked twice by SS if we will adopt the child but we do not feel that we can. I already have a 3yo and a 1yo, there would only be a 6m age gap between the babies and poisonous bil and his gf are likely to make our lives v difficult if we did. It's a dreadfully sad situation.

needtomanup Mon 03-Nov-14 20:08:44

Oh my god that's awful, how inconsiderate!! Definitely bad idea.

MagicMojito Mon 03-Nov-14 22:37:06

What a sad situation sad

I seriously would not give this vulture woman any information.

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