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to end sexists marrages

(63 Posts)
toriuk Mon 03-Nov-14 18:27:02

Its not my wedding but my friend is going along with the whole only men give speechs.

I
Aibu to push forward the idea of women speaking? I want to tell the groom how pretty he looks and say how clever the bride is.

SaucyMare Mon 03-Nov-14 18:36:28

you are wrong, you can do what you like at your wedding, all you can do is make one suggestion once about it, not push at all

Fedupofplaystation Mon 03-Nov-14 18:36:39

We did the traditional men's speeches at our wedding. I thought about swapping things up, but in our family and group of friends, the women are much more outspoken than the men. Women much more likely than the men to give speeches/toasts at other family events. We therefore thought it was a good chance for the men to get a turn to speak.

SpringBreaker Mon 03-Nov-14 18:44:40

very rude and unreasonable to push your view onto a wedding that isnt yours

AesSedai Mon 03-Nov-14 18:46:52

It's her wedding - she can do what she damned well pleases. If you don't like - don't go !

itsbetterthanabox Mon 03-Nov-14 18:49:12

Have you asked her why they only wants men speaking?
She may not be aware how much it could hurt those close to her being excluded for being female.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Mon 03-Nov-14 18:49:38

Why would you have a say?

Fairenuff Mon 03-Nov-14 18:54:27

YABU - nothing to do with you.

skylark2 Mon 03-Nov-14 18:56:22

It's really not about you. She can pick whoever she wants to give speeches. That's unlikely to be a random friend regardless of gender - it's normally the best man and the bride's dad.

youareallbonkers Mon 03-Nov-14 19:14:54

Wtf?? This is nothing to do with sexist marrages (sic) this is what they want at their wedding. If you ever decide to get married you can do what you like. I hope that's you proposing and buying him a ring!

What bride wants to hear she is clever on her wedding day? You might as well tell her she's ugly!

theposterformallyknownas Mon 03-Nov-14 19:21:43

It is nothing to do with sexist marrages (sic), it's up to her and her beloved who makes the speechs (sic)

Mrsjayy Mon 03-Nov-14 19:31:33

What would you say how would you approach it ? I think it is really rude and the bride can say or not say what she likes it is none of your business.

Bambambini Mon 03-Nov-14 19:34:07

I've been to weddings where the bride made a beautiful speech. On recently where the bride and best maid spoke. Even been to one where guests put up their hands to get the mike to have their say.

Personally, I didn't want to speak and was happy to let others do it. Anything goes these days.

FrauHelga Mon 03-Nov-14 19:36:10

What you are talking about is the wedding, not the marriage.

And it's none of your business. But, should they open the floor, you could say your piece.

Bluetonic123 Mon 03-Nov-14 19:38:31

I went to a Muslim segregated wedding once. Should I have brought booze, worn a low cut dress and sat with the men to make a point?

skylark2 Mon 03-Nov-14 19:40:33

"What bride wants to hear she is clever on her wedding day? You might as well tell her she's ugly!"

I'd far rather be told I was clever than pretty.

My dad said he was proud of my achievements at mine. Never even mentioned my looks. Yay dad - he gets me!

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 03-Nov-14 19:42:59

I didn't give a speech at my wedding because I didn't want to.

HTH.

ILovePud Mon 03-Nov-14 19:57:28

If you think the bride would like you or some other women who are important to her to make speeches but that she's just going along with the done thing then I think it'd be fine to suggest it. If you're just pursuing your own agenda and trying to make the groom feel uncomfortable by calling him pretty (which I suspect is the case, uncomfortable bit not the pretty bit) then that's mean and you should keep your nose out. Bonkers my DH said he was proud to be married to an intelligent woman in his wedding speech, I was chuffed, I don't think clever is code for ugly.

ilovesooty Mon 03-Nov-14 20:16:05

It's not your wedding. I think you should mind your own business.

Bunbaker Mon 03-Nov-14 20:22:58

"Aibu to push forward the idea of women speaking?"

Erm, yes.

TheCowThatLaughs Mon 03-Nov-14 20:34:22

But WHY should only men do speeches?? Op, yabu to suggest that women should speak too. It's only a suggestion smile

TheCowThatLaughs Mon 03-Nov-14 20:34:43

Not yabu, YANBU

Discopanda Mon 03-Nov-14 20:37:14

I think the only issue would be if the bride wanted to make a speech herself or have her mother or maid of honour say something but is being vetoed. Some people just like tradition, would you say it was sexist for the man to propose or (lets face it) the majority of the focus being on the bride?

vvviola Mon 03-Nov-14 20:39:28

I hadn't planned to speak at my wedding. Just had the standard groom, father of the bride, best man speeches. And then decided once all the speeches were over that I wanted to say my bit...

... so I stood up, said a few words, got all teary and sat down again. No fuss, no drama, most certainly not a feminist statement (was more about me wanting to get the last word wink)

My fabulous bridesmaids then surprised me with a poem about me just before the cake cutting.

But the thing is that was my (and their) choice. Had anyone told me off about my plan to have only the men speak, or told me I had to speak I would have been beyond furious. My (and DH's) wedding, my choice.

OP do you also object to fathers walking their daughters down the aisle?

Mrsjayy Mon 03-Nov-14 20:42:50

I have been to weddings where a mother walked her dd down the aisle another where the bride spoke <shrug> op are you the lone voice of brides everywhere would you clink the champagne glass to demand attention I am intrigued

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