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AIBU not to help DH get ready?

(17 Posts)
Nancery Mon 03-Nov-14 15:53:57

DH travels for work a lot (a week away once a month and occasional overnight stays in London for meetings.)

Every single time, without fail, he ends up in a mad rush to leave, and frequently misses his train. Despite my suggestion to, he never packs, or anything else, the night before and instead panics trying to find, or iron, various items of clothing / work stuff / travel documents or whatever. He never charges his hair clippers until he needs them, and there have been several times he has nearly had to leave with a half trimmed head / beard because they haven't been charging for long enough.

AIBU by not doing at least some of these things for him? I don't because I do pretty much everything else in and around the house and think that packing to go away, his personal grooming, and his work stuff, are his responsibility not mine.

(I have ironed a shirt a couple of times as he asked me, and wouldn't have had time to otherwise, but won't generally offer as the chaos is self inflicted!)

Oldraver Mon 03-Nov-14 15:55:40

Just leave him to it. He's not a primary school kid going on their first trip

StarlingMurmuration Mon 03-Nov-14 15:57:31

Not your job at all. Though please, if he ever does have to leave with half his head trimmed, take a picture for posterity and post it here

cheerupandhaveaglassofwine Mon 03-Nov-14 15:59:19

Leave him too it, the day he does dash for the train half shaven only to miss it may be the day he learns

If you keep helping him out last minute then he has no reason to get off his arse any earlier

If he missed the train what would happen ?, would it be a major disaster or would he just drive or get a later one instead

Triliteral Mon 03-Nov-14 15:59:30

My DH often goes away on business. Occasionally (the night before he goes) he will ask me to iron a shirt and that is it. I think you are entirely reasonable to assume that your DH should be responsible for himself.

Could you, at a moment when there is no packing stress imminent, try to discuss this with him, suggest that it is causing you a lot of distress, and ask him whether he can come up with a way to alleviate the problem that doesn't involve you doing it for him?

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 03-Nov-14 15:59:35

Photo or it didn't happen.

No, don't pander to him. Suggest ways to sort it like a list of everything that is all sorted the night before, shaving the night before, getting everything at the door etc.

AnotherRandom Mon 03-Nov-14 16:02:19


This sounds just like my husband angry However after leaving him to it, he has slowly started to organise himself better in the mornings. He's an adult who is more than capable of sorting himself out! It's like having an extra child hmm

Firbolg Mon 03-Nov-14 16:04:17

Of course YANBU. Helping family members to get ready to leave the house in the mornings should be restricted to primary school-aged children, if that. I get myself ready and do half the stuff related to getting our toddler out the door, with DH doing the rest and sorting his own stuff.

I have pointed out more than once that his mornings would be easier if he ironed a week's worth of shirts at the weekend, rather than trying to do them daily with a porridge-covered toddler trying to climb his leg, but he's an adult. He gets to deal with the consequences of his own disorganisation.

annieoaklie Mon 03-Nov-14 16:05:39

..though I was out for dinner one time and overheard the very loud woman at the next table talking about how she packs for her husband's business trips and puts a post it note on each item so he knows what to wear each day. My self and DH were a bithmm

Hoppinggreen Mon 03-Nov-14 16:05:48

Depends , when I was a sahm and DH travelled a lot on business I got all his stuff ready for him.
Now I run my own business he sorts himself out, with a bit of help from me

championnibbler Mon 03-Nov-14 16:08:45

YANBU. Leave him to his own mess.

Nancery Mon 03-Nov-14 16:09:56

I don't keep helping him out cheerup, the ironing has quite literally been a couple of times.

I have pointed out that doing stuff the night before is far more sensible, but it doesn't seem to register. And my thinking is that if he wants to do things in a rush, then that's his lookout


Nancery Mon 03-Nov-14 16:10:46

annieoakie that's bonkers! shock

MrsPiggie Mon 03-Nov-14 16:12:45

Depends what you normally do on a daily basis. Eg, if it's you who does the washing and ironing, then it makes no difference if it's a normal working day or an away on business day, it would still be you who ensures everyone's got clean clothes and irons his shirts. But I wouldn't charge his clippers or pack for him. He's a grown up.

Nancery Mon 03-Nov-14 16:21:45

Generally I do all the laundry, but i think if he wants something in particular then he needs to find it and wash it if necessary

RiverTam Mon 03-Nov-14 16:29:18

well... unless this is part and parcel of expecting you to do things, I would just help him out if you know he's got a trip coming up. Charge his clippers, bung a few bits into his overnight bag, I would do stuff that wouldn't take me a second and aren't putting me out (so I would iron a shirt if I was ironing anyway, but I wouldn't get the iron out just for that).

But if he expects you to, or this is part of a bigger pattern, then I wouldn't.

Jbck Mon 03-Nov-14 16:31:56

Dh keeps a little poly bag with travel size toiletries always topped up for flying, he's away fairly regularly but usually just one or two nights.
Means he doesn't have to scrabble about each time it's always there.
Packs the night before as often he's on flight about 6:30 so doesn't have time in the morning or want to incur my wrath if he was blundering about doing all this at 4:30!
He wasn't always quite so organised and I regularly her 'Where's my car keys!' But generally not bad.

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