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to ask what the police can actually do about this?

(47 Posts)
Espii Mon 03-Nov-14 14:29:43

On saturday at around 5, a man in his late 60's-early 70's was shouting over to me. Now I have severe anxiety that was way up - I was out on my own which I don't normally do. He was shouting "excuse me!, Excuse me!" I ignored as I would with anyone, until he said "can you help me please?"
I asked what was the matter and he asked me to take him to the corner shop, which was down a long road back the way I came and I had to go meet MIL. I said I can't as I have to be somewhere. He then asked me if I could take him across the road. I couldn't say no. He had a walking stick, so I'd expect when I gave him my arm for stability, he would have put pressure on my arm. Anyway, we got across the road to a house directly opposite. He tried to get me into the garden and grasped hold of my sleeve and said "just come to the door a sec love"
I said no... no... nononono.... NO and yanked my arm away.
I spoke to a friend of MIL's who uses walking sticks and said he would have put pressure on my arm if he needed my help, as sticks don't help your balance and you can't distribute your weight if you need a stick. He didn't need my help and was probably a ruse.
Now, we phoned the police and I was a bit shaken. they came out yesterday, a pcso mind, and they said unless I was touched innapropriately, they can't arrest him but they can look into it.
I thought, what if he'd have grabbed me and I'd have been grabbed from in the house?
I am 4'11 and to be fair, I don't look any older than 14 without makeup on, and with joggers on.
He probably thought I was years younger than I actually am.
What will they do about it? I mean, I have no idea if he's tried to do this before, but I've heard that they use old men who need help and children who have lost their mummies as ruses to abduct young girls, which I'm not, but I can get away with looking like one unfortunately.
I'm still a bit shaken from it. It could have been nothing.
God this long, sorry.

Espii Mon 03-Nov-14 14:30:53

I want to say what area it's in but don't particularly want to out myself.

lymiemum Mon 03-Nov-14 14:34:47

im confused.
what did the man actually do?
he asked for help, you gave help.
he asked you to take him to the door, you said no.

magimedi Mon 03-Nov-14 14:36:35

It sounds to me as if he was quite possibly confused & maybe suffering from dementure.

tywysogesgymraeg Mon 03-Nov-14 14:36:57

"I thought, what if he'd have grabbed me and I'd have been grabbed from in the house?"

You weren't. What are you expecting the police to do? Tell someone who didn't grab you not to grab you?

TallulahTwinkletoes Mon 03-Nov-14 14:37:57

Do you feel he was trying to pull you into his house op? Possibly to hurt you?

26Point2Miles Mon 03-Nov-14 14:38:18

the police can speak to him. also,they may have previous on him or something to do with that house. they will likely have some idea what his intentions were after a brief chat with him!

glad you are ok!

Floggingmolly Mon 03-Nov-14 14:38:38

Nothing happened. Why do you want to say what area it's in? Does it have any bearing on the non happening?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Mon 03-Nov-14 14:39:05

I think it sounds like he needed help and you were there. The bit about sticks not helping you balance just sounds wrong - that's exactly what they do.

I understand you have anxiety so I'm just going to come right out and say I think you've way over reacted and you need some perspective. It is much more likely he needed some help to get around and asked then he is part of a predatory gang that uses old men with sticks to lure women and snatch them.

Sorry you're shaken up sad Are you getting any help for your anxiety?

magpiegin Mon 03-Nov-14 14:41:32

The police can't do anything because nothing happened! Not everyone has bad intentions, and the stick thing doesn't mean anything, he might have been anxious too and just wanted the support there.

Thurlow Mon 03-Nov-14 14:44:00

I'm sorry this shook you up. If you're anxious at the moment then this really can't have helped at all.

There's a very high chance that he might just have been confused. Remember he did ask you to help him to the shop first, he might not have really known what he was doing. Or he did known what he was doing and meant nothing by it - he just wanted some help, which you kindly gave him.

If the police came out they should now have a record of it. If the man is regularly confused then if they get other reports they can start building a picture up, similarly if there are suspicions then they have a record of yours.

The police can't do anything at the moment, however, as the man didn't actually do anything to you.

From reading your OP it sounds as though your anxiety is leading you to read too much into it, though. From what you've described he just needed help to cross the road.

Espii Mon 03-Nov-14 14:46:39

With the stick... I meant, I spoke to MIL's friend who uses sticks, and she said, just using one doesn't really help balance 9 times out of ten, so helping out someone who needs to cross the road would need to put some pressure on your arm. He was also walking with no struggle, and was able to get up the steps in front of his house. He was able to get down from, and up the curb with next to no struggle. He grabbed onto my sleeve harder when I started saying no. He wanted to me to go the door of the other house when he'd asked me to take him just across the road and wouldn#t let go until I yanked myself away.
and moving no i'm not, I was offered CBT but work weird hours and can't get the time off to go to CBT. Other than that, nothing. It just seemed very weird to me, and I do admit it may be an over reaction, but even the copper said, better to be safe than sorry as it might be nothing like magpie said.

Espii Mon 03-Nov-14 14:48:32

thurlow aye... Now I can see how silly it sounds! blush I really do read into a lot of things. I'm getting nightmares and waking up crying and not being able to speak sometimes. I usually ignore strangers because I really do think everyone's out to hurt everyone (thanks to dear mum... and crimewatch. "never talk to strangers!" yeah... no wonder.)

BitOutOfPractice Mon 03-Nov-14 14:50:12

I think you're overthinking this OP and you need to just let it go as a slightly odd incident with a confused elderly man (said with kindness)

DeWee Mon 03-Nov-14 14:50:39

I disagree with the walking stick for support not balance. I know several elderly people who use them for balance. And have told one off who turns hers upside down and uses the hook to pick plant stems up from the ground so she can trim them with the rather evil looking Secateurs in her other hand grin

Also I would have thought if he wanted to abduct you then shouting at length across the road was a pretty stupid way of going about it. Very noticable.

Espii Mon 03-Nov-14 14:51:45

you're all right, my heads in bits and i'm just still a bit confused myself why he wanted me to take him to the door of another house! and ask for my help when he walked with no difficulty! I'm just still a bit hmm about it but thats because I am reading too much into it!

TheWitTank Mon 03-Nov-14 14:51:57

Sorry you were so frightened, can't have been very nice flowers.
The police can't really do anything in this situation because nothing happened. It sounds like he was fairly unsteady and a bit confused and just wanted a hand. I can see how you would be worried though if you have anxiety issues. My grandad (who passed away a few weeks back) had a stick but didn't lean heavily on it and wouldn't have leant heavily on a helper. It was more for the feeling of security and the occasional wobbles off balance.
Hope you are okay now.

Espii Mon 03-Nov-14 14:53:35

but she said that he would have put pressure on my arm to stablize himself, he didn't need that stability, I saw him walk up steps in front of his house and didn't need help walking across the road as he was walking without struggle! didn't need me thats why i'm hmm why he asked me to do that and said "come to the door of this house love"
Maybe its other people...
"Maybe he shouted over to let the other person know in the house"
this is why I don't go out -.- haha!

Espii Mon 03-Nov-14 14:54:42

thetitwank grin at your name ahaha thank you
I don't have a lot of experience with elderly people at all, there aren't any in my family as they've passed away years ago. I had no idea. and didn't until now.

JeanneDeMontbaston Mon 03-Nov-14 14:56:26

I'm sorry, but I don't think it sounds suspicious either.

It's hard to know because sometimes you do get a vibe that something isn't right and it's hard to explain why - but your explanation with the balance doesn't really convince. Plenty of people carry sticks but don't need them all the time, or wouldn't want to lean on your arm. If he was confused, he might not even really know why he was trying to get you to come with him. People with dementia are sometimes scary. My tiny little granny, whom I could have picked up in my arms by the end (and did) once left bruises on my arm because she grabbed me so hard to pull me up the stairs. She was sure there was a reason why, and she seemed perfectly spry. A week earlier she'd fallen trying to get off the toilet and hadn't been able to get up on her own.

I do see that you're worried about something else entirely, but it just seems so far-fetched. Realistically, sad and scary as people preying on children are, it is quite rare for a child to be snatched by strangers, isn't it? The police can't assume he's dodgy before he's done anything.

signin Mon 03-Nov-14 14:57:07

glad you reported it op , if it happens to someone else they will have that on record .

TheWitTank Mon 03-Nov-14 14:57:57

A lot of older people can walk steadily with a stick, but feel safer with a helping hand over the road where you have to move fairly swiftly because of traffic/potential traffic coming up. My friend with MS has a stick which she doesn't necessarily always need but feels better with. She occasionally asks for an arm across a road if she is tired or worried about it being a fast road.
Try to stop over thinking this flowers

Cundtbake Mon 03-Nov-14 14:58:21

OP I think you're getting some unfair comments. I suffer from anxiety too and this would bother me, but sadly I can't tell you if we're being reasonable or if it is anxiety related!

You were right to voice concerns to the police, and if there's anything untoward going on it will most likely have been flagged up already. Either way there is nothing more for you to do.

Look after yourself and try to do some things that relax you. You are safe thanks

BitOutOfPractice Mon 03-Nov-14 14:58:57

Oh you poor thing OP - you do sound anxious. Could you manage to get back to the person who offered the CBT and ask if other hours are available? Or talk to your boss about being able to have time off thanks

TallulahTwinkletoes Mon 03-Nov-14 14:59:32

Perhaps he has fallen recently and liked the support to be there just in case.

Don't let it wobble you.

If he was a dodgy person, you got away and don't need to worry.

If he wasn't, you don't need to worry.

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