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If this kept happening would you start to think that maybe, it's something you're doing?

(9 Posts)
Pyjamaramadrama Mon 03-Nov-14 12:58:21

This might make no sense but I feel the need to vent.

If you were a parent of 7 children, and 3 of your sons had children, and you didn't get to have contact with any of them because either your sons weren't seeing their children or your other sons and their wives didn't want anything to do with you.

Might you question whether actually it's something about your own or your sons behaviour, and not blame the wives and ex girlfriends?

Fabulassie Mon 03-Nov-14 12:59:41

Yes but then... probably not. I mean, if people are self-aware enough to know they're the problem then they're less likely to be a problem.

Dawndonnaagain Mon 03-Nov-14 13:08:50

Yes. However, my mother has four children and ten grandchildren. Only one son and two grandchildren see her. She still thinks she's a saint.

AMumInScotland Mon 03-Nov-14 13:13:37

I suspect most of the people who reach that kind of situation, reach it because they lack self-awareness and empathy, so the probability of them also not spotting that the problem is them, is also very high.

Firbolg Mon 03-Nov-14 13:16:34

That sounds reasonable, OP, but on Mn I notice a general tendency to blame the half of a couple who is not a blood relative for the behaviour of the couple as a whole - so DILs/SILs/BILs get blamed, not sons or daughters or brothers or sisters, for lack of contact/insufficient acknowledgement of presents/missing birthday cards etc.

I see it in real life, too. My uncle and his wife blamed their son's fiancée for the decision (still unusual in Ireland) to have a civil rather than a church wedding, because this irreligious decision couldn't possibly have come from their upstanding son, but the scheming ungodly hussy who was influencing him.

StrattersFeeear Mon 03-Nov-14 13:20:41

Doubtful, in my experience people are very good at extrapolating what they want to hear from a situation. My mother still thinks she's a saint, despite my XH and my children telling her how badly she, and the rest of my godforsaken family, treated me. Anyone who lacks the self awareness to see they are doing something wrong isn't hoing to change their opinion of themselves any time soon.

Pyjamaramadrama Mon 03-Nov-14 13:34:51

This is my exes mother. I have not seen any of them for over 6 years but I looked at her FB profile which is open and saw this.

I shouldn't be looking but curiosity got the better of me.

Seems she's just as volatile as she ever was and that the whole family are still having huge arguments and physical fights which was fairly standard behaviour when I knew them. Hence why I no longer know them.

However it now seems that not only is it my ds that she's never seen, but that two of her other sons have got married and have nothing to do with her.

Yet now her daughters pregnant she's plastering it all over FB how this is her 4th grandchild and she might actually get to see this one, why do her sons have to get involved with bitches.

DoJo Mon 03-Nov-14 14:06:47

In my experience of being related to someone like this, the answer is sadly no. If they had the capacity for introspection or any smidgen of self-awareness then they wouldn't be in that position in the first place. Unfortunately, even if you tell some people exactly what they are doing which makes you not want to spend time with them, then rationalise it as 'all your problem' and write you off as the one who needs to adjust their behaviour. It's not pretty and it can be emotionally draining, but there's not really much you can do about it other than hope that they see sense eventually.

Hoppinggreen Mon 03-Nov-14 14:28:46

My mum and all her siblings are divorced after very messy marriages and I can't help thinking that it must have been something to do with their upbringing.
There s quite a backstory which makes me think I am right.

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