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to think that this doctor had the worst bedside manner in the world (warning, grim miscarriage story)

(91 Posts)
jamtomorrow1 Mon 03-Nov-14 12:11:10

I was until very recently 10 weeks' pregnant. After a couple of days of spotting I started bleeding very heavily overnight on Friday/Saturday just gone and went to A&E on medical advice at about 4am. I saw a very nice triage nurse then waited for half an hour before a woman came and got me from the waiting room. She didn't introduce herself beyond 'I am the doctor'. She took me and my husband to a consultation room. At this point I had a sudden gush of blood and it became horribly apparent that it was all too much for my night time sanitary towel and indeed my underwear. I explained what had happened and asked for a loo. She disappeared without any explanation, then reappeared several minutes later saying, 'I can't find any pads, now can you get on the examination table'. She then examined me with a speculum, without any sort of explanation of what she was doing, and started pulling out, er, stuff. She said very abruptly, 'Yes, you've had a miscarriage.' Until this point I was still cautiously optimistic that perhaps things might be ok so this was all rather sudden. She then held up a lump which to me at least looked distinctly embryo-ish in her tweezers and said, 'You see, this is foetal tissue, not just clots. It is a miscarriage.' At this point I slightly lost it. I should say that she hadn't asked if my husband would like to hold my hand or even come and stand with me rather than sitting on the other side of the curtain. She rounded things off by answering my question about how long I would bleed for by saying that it would be about the same length of time as if I'd given birth.

I am now wondering whether to make a formal complaint. I am almost certain that I am not just being oversensitive. This really was completely awful, wasn't it? I am still having flashbacks to the thing with the tweezers.

manchestermummy Mon 03-Nov-14 12:13:58

Oh my goodness, please do.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

doobledootch Mon 03-Nov-14 12:14:41

Yes please complain, that is an appalling way for a doctor to treat a patient.

SassySugarCane Mon 03-Nov-14 12:15:03

Complain. She sounds completely inappropriate, and cruel to boot.

Stealthpolarbear Mon 03-Nov-14 12:16:01

I'm so sorry. Yes complain! She treated you as if you went in to get a verruca treated, and I'd have still expected a better bedside manner!

umbongoumbongo Mon 03-Nov-14 12:16:35

This is really inappropriate and not very pleasant. I'd complain too. Sorry about your sad news.

doobledootch Mon 03-Nov-14 12:17:45

Sorry I didn't mean to post that quite a quickly, it's shocking just reading it so can only imagine how awful it must have been to go through.

Hope you're ok and really sorry for your loss. Were you told anything about follow up care? It's probably worth getting in touch with your GP who would be able to arrange further treatment for you.

{{hugs}}

BogStandardOldWoman Mon 03-Nov-14 12:18:09

It sounds dreadful. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please complain, if you feel able to.

MildDrPepperAddiction Mon 03-Nov-14 12:18:22

So sorry for your loss. Do complain, what a horrible doctor.

frumpet Mon 03-Nov-14 12:18:40

That is awful , really , really awful . I think someone might have to have a little chat with the Dr about sensitivity and compassion . So sorry to hear this happened to you sad

asmallandnoisymonkey Mon 03-Nov-14 12:18:42

She sounds flipping awful. So sorry about what you've been through.

You need to make a complaint. Presumably your husband heard what she was saying too? Awful.

loveandsmiles Mon 03-Nov-14 12:19:16

YANBU. I am so sorry for your loss.

That is an unprofessional and uncaring way to treat a patient. Please report her if only to stop her dealing with someone else like this.

I went for a 12 week scan and the sonographer said with no warning - "there is no heartbeat, you will have to go home and wait to miscarry". That was 7 years ago and I still remember her cold and unfeeling manner

Obviously a miscarriage is distressing but a few kind words and actions can make a world of difference.

Take careflowers

TheHoundsBitch Mon 03-Nov-14 12:20:07

Absolutely make a formal complaint. She was totally inappropriate, callous, rude argh. I'm so angry for you.
So sorry for your loss flowers

DayLillie Mon 03-Nov-14 12:20:26

I had one (25 years ago!) who asked questions (was it planned etc) examined me, told the doctor next to him 'That one's a dead loss' and walked off.

TBH, the whole of the short pregnancy had been a threat of miscarriage and I did not want it to go on, but shock it really upset everyone else on the ward. The rest of the hospital care was a bit hmm. Took me years to get over it.

flowers for you.

Sorry they have not got any better sad

jamtomorrow1 Mon 03-Nov-14 12:22:14

Thank you all for your support. I went in for a scan today and the doctors I saw were much kinder. I am going to make a complaint now that I am confident that I am not being oversensitive - it may be that she has absolutely no idea how rubbish her manner is so she really ought to know before she upsets anyone else (as loveandsmiles sensibly pointed out).

londonrach Mon 03-Nov-14 12:23:20

Shocked. My imagination re those tweezers. Why did she need to do that. What a horrible cruel nasty doctor. Complain complain and complain. Shocked she didnt bring something back when she popped back even some paper towels with an apology thats all she has had present but hoping to get something soon. Her bedside manner from start was awful. Hope you ok. What your dh say. thanks xxxxxxxxxxx. (((((Hugs))))))

CuddlesAndShit Mon 03-Nov-14 12:23:26

Oh op, I'm so angry for you. Definitely make a complaint, that is absolutely shocking. There is no excuse for that kind of treatment. When I had a miscarriage, although I had to wait in a crowded hospital waiting room for 4 hours, the doctor I eventually saw was lovely. Very gentle and empathetic. That is what all of us deserve.

I'm sorry for your loss flowers

Floggingmolly Mon 03-Nov-14 12:24:48

Dear God shock Complain loudly. Hope you're ok flowers

londonrach Mon 03-Nov-14 12:25:33

Forgot to add. Im really sorry for your loss x

doobledootch Mon 03-Nov-14 12:26:19

I'm glad you've had some better treatment since, you were very definitely not being over-sensitive.

I think there are some doctors who are clearly clever enough to be doctors, but who just shouldn't be allowed anywhere near people.

DanceToJoyDivision Mon 03-Nov-14 12:29:51

Oh God OP you poor thing flowers

Yes do please complain. The doctor treated you in an appallingly callous manner.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Castlemilk Mon 03-Nov-14 12:33:03

Oh Jesus please complain. That person needs retraining, urgently, and her thick head nowhere near a sensitive situation until that has happened.

Please please complain. All you would need to do is offer up your OP!

LittleBairn Mon 03-Nov-14 12:34:08

She was disgraceful. Put in a complaint, I've always regretted not making complaints for some of the dreadful treatment I experience during one of my late term MC.
One was an antheastist who screamed at me, slamming her hand down on a table where my DS body lay, telling me I was giving her a bad day. I had swore in her prescence, but she was well aware it was NOT at her just the shock that after delivering at home and hemoraging I was expected to go to theater.
She had to be man handled out of the room by the midwife and DH.
She was lucky that in the aftermath we were more concerned with the Dr who's 'minor paper work error' meant there had to be an investigation to see if we had burried the right baby.

championnibbler Mon 03-Nov-14 12:43:31

YANBU. Complain loudly, in writing, so that you have a paper trail. That doctor needs to go on a course on how to deal sensitively with patients.

Messygirl Mon 03-Nov-14 12:53:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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