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to turn my phone off until I can get my head around things?

(53 Posts)
Helgathehairy Mon 03-Nov-14 08:25:52

My 87 year old dad was taken into hospital last Wednesday with a possible stroke. Not all the symptoms matched but it's what mum has been saying because it's what the GP said to her. Dad was very well known and there are a lot of people enquiring about his health.

On Friday we found out it's actually a growth in his brain. Mum and I are due to see the consultant later to get the full information. I'm not expecting it to be good news. People know we're meeting the consultant today and I've already had a few people say that they'd call me to get the results.

I got a shock on Friday when I heard about the growth and ended up bursting into tears when I got home. AIBU to turn off my phone today until I get my head around things?

OhFrabjousDay Mon 03-Nov-14 08:27:58

YANBU. Turn your phone off and look after yourself thanks

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Mon 03-Nov-14 08:28:39

Yes, turn your phone off!

Fecking vultures.


FunkyBoldRibena Mon 03-Nov-14 08:29:05

Of course, why wouldn't you?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 03-Nov-14 08:29:43

Not at all. I think it's a bit crass of people to be calling just for results, to be honest, unless very close family

What I would do is text results and/or a message saying you are not up to talking, thanks for their support and that you will be in touch. then turn my phone off.

BikeRunSki Mon 03-Nov-14 08:32:18

Turn your phone off. Maybe change your voicemail message to something like Gobolino suggested.

LindyHemming Mon 03-Nov-14 08:37:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

R4roger Mon 03-Nov-14 08:39:28

might it be your mum or dad calling though? Can't you just screen the calls. Or I spose you could explain to your parents to leave a message and you can check your messages

londonrach Mon 03-Nov-14 08:42:34

Turn it off. Look afteryourself and your parents. The rest of the world doesnt matter. If you really worried about them you could do what i did which was i phoned my aunt (one named person) at end of each day told her how mums cancer treatment had gone. She didnt ask questions so phone call was 5 minutes of me factually giving the information. She then relayed this news to interested people as it got silly with the number phone calls i was getting. Now turn that phone off. Hope your father is better soon xxxx

Bin85 Mon 03-Nov-14 08:42:57

Can you start thinking about a chain of information so you don't have too many calls/ texts to make?
You keep immediate family and a few friends up to date and be very specific about who they are to tell
Otherwise the whole thing becomes overwhelming when you want to focus on your parents

R4roger Mon 03-Nov-14 08:43:57


Helgathehairy Mon 03-Nov-14 08:56:37

To be fair most people aren't doing it out of pure nosiness. Dad is well known so I think in general people are concerned. I also think people aren't expecting the diagnosis to be what it is.

It's complicated by the fact my Dad is a very private person so I'm not sure how much he wants people to know and it feels too much to just ask him. Like he shouldn't have to think about that.

R4roger Mon 03-Nov-14 09:02:48

hopefully they will back off helga. are they ringing your mum as well?

Oakmaiden Mon 03-Nov-14 09:05:27

I think I would be inclined to put my phone on silent and use it to screen calls. Possibly change the answer phone message too.

Helgathehairy Mon 03-Nov-14 09:10:37

Thanks for all the well wishes as well.

People are calling mum and calling in to see her (and my aunt -dads sister - who lives with them) but a lot are calling me going "oh I didn't want to bother your mother" or because mum has been vague about what's wrong, they're calling me to find out.

Didactylos Mon 03-Nov-14 09:14:34

just say that to people who call or say they will call - actually, you know its dads medical info so i wont be discussing it with everyone - ill be guided by him as to who i talk to so if you need to know anything i will message you

SaucyMare Mon 03-Nov-14 09:20:23

could you get a £10 argos phone and just tell your parents your temporary number, then unplug every other phone in the house.

jammytoast Mon 03-Nov-14 09:23:48

If you turn your phone off though, won't that just push more people into calling your mum or going to see her?

Can you just tell the people that said they would phone for the results that your family just needs some time and privacy at the minute. Then turn your phone off.

Is there someone who is close to your family but not as close as the immediate family who you could ask to field these calls and visitors at your mums house?

I think its really bloody insensitive if they have asked your mum and then come to you because she didn't give them the answer they wanted.

So sorry that your family is going through this. thanks

Firbolg Mon 03-Nov-14 09:30:29

I would do whatever helps you at a difficult time, OP. See if you can work out a situation that means you can take calls from your parents, while not being harassed by well-meaning but insensitive people. Other posters are right, too. The diagnostic information isn't yours to broadcast, whatever your callers' expectations. My parents (70s) would be completely horrified if I was telling people medical details.

Sorry you and your family are having to go through this. Best wishes.

carlsonrichards Mon 03-Nov-14 09:31:42


OvertiredandConfused Mon 03-Nov-14 09:34:55

I know someone who's been in a similar situation. Send out a round robin text and email saying that you really, really appreciate their concern but that you and your immediate family need time to check the diagnosis, talk to your dad etc, etc and that you'll let them have an update when you can. In the meantime, please can they give you some space. Say that your DM hates upsetting people or saying no but that, actually, that' what she needs right now.

Thinking of you flowers

Helgathehairy Mon 03-Nov-14 09:36:31

jammy that's what I'm afraid of. Especially today. But mum can't turn her phone off in case it's dad or the hospital.

I think I just need to know how much mum and dad want people to know. Then all I have to do is make one phone call to a specific person and everyone will know. But for today I just want to get my head around it.

I'm an only child and DH is at work so thanks for helping me work through this.

To add more on top my 14 month DD has to go for a barium swallow tomorrow as she seems to have bad reflux and I got 3 hours sleep last night.

OhBrother Mon 03-Nov-14 09:38:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helgathehairy Mon 03-Nov-14 09:38:50

overtired that's really good wording thanks.

Helgathehairy Mon 03-Nov-14 09:42:42

I just feel hounded by one particular person and she knows I'm going to see the consultant today. I was visiting my dad on Friday and I had 3 missed calls from her, 2 on my landline and 1 on my mobile.

When I called her back she sounded like she was settling in for a nice long gossip but I cut the call short.

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