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to not leave the house for at least a month owing to my one year old's horrific vocabulary malfunctions??

(101 Posts)
TerribleMother Mon 03-Nov-14 03:48:27

My 20mo ds3 has a few words, most of them unintelligible. Mamma, dad, jees (juice), cake (!?), hank ooo (thank you, obviously) are the ones that we recognise most, although sometimes he'll throw us a curve ball (ice cream!) from nowhere, say it a few times, then never again.

Today, however, has been the learning curve from hell!! Firstly while watching Dora, when she says backpack, I repeated it to him, to which he replied 'p*k*'. No, ds3, it's backpack! He just kept repeating and repeating the wrong word. I tried bag, rucksack, just to get him to break the sound but nope. Ds1 walks into the room ready for school with his bag on his shoulder and ds3 points at him and shouts out 'p*k*'! confusedconfusedconfused

Short time later, ds3 toddles through from the kitchen with a box of crackers in his hand and loudly shouts 'fuckers!' He's been repeating that one on and off all day now too! confused

So wibu to not leave the house for an undetermined period of time for fear that my one year old will disgrace me and make me look like World's Worst Mum!? (It goes without saying that he has heard neither of these words in this house, or anywhere else for that matter!)

TerribleMother Mon 03-Nov-14 04:05:42

Oh, and I'm overseas in case anyone is wondering why I'm posting in the middle of (your) night.

runawaysimba Mon 03-Nov-14 04:20:07

grin DD said "fuck you" for "thank you" for a while. Never had any reaction other than laughter, it was so clear what she was trying to say.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 03-Nov-14 04:57:28

No you can't stay in. You are required by the Motherhood Code to take your child out for all the world to hear. My ds2 announced to the world that 'Mummy put a 'positerry' up my bum' the day after he was terribly constipated. DS1 announced loudly in a posh dress shop 'you can't afford that' after he looked at the price tag.

You can't really belong to the sisterhood until you've been embarrassed by your child.

TerribleMother Mon 03-Nov-14 05:35:05

Oh, I've been embarrassed a few times (ds1 shrunk away from me and shouted 'please don't hurt me mummy' when I was giving him in trouble in the supermarket), but having my children scream racial slurs at anyone carrying a rucksack is just a step too far! shock

Idontseeanysontarans Mon 03-Nov-14 07:59:43

It's an awful phase smile
DD1 was the worst - the first time she heard the bippety boppety boo song she managed to mangle it into 'bollocky bollocky boo'. That was fun, a little blonde haired angelic looking girl skipping through the park singing that!
The vagina conversation (same park) with a slightly older DS was also a high point.
It's a parenting rite of passage.. grin

SpuffySummers Mon 03-Nov-14 08:06:03

I agree with acrossthepond although mine managed to embarass me on my own back garden by saying the N word shock angry which she had picked up from her racist misogynistic homophobic paternal Grandad. I swear steam was coming out of my ears when I asked her where she'd heard that word.

Idontseeanysontarans Mon 03-Nov-14 08:06:49

DD2 has just come to show me her favoured toy of the day: the Tittyponk.
(The pinky ponk from ITNG)

oldgrandmama Mon 03-Nov-14 08:08:07

My adorable four year old granddaughter still keeps telling everyone that 'grandmamma didn't REALLY mean to burn me the other day ...' (after a malfunction when I was showing her how to use sealing wax blush)

Don't worry - as said upthread, it's a rite of passage!

funkybuddah Mon 03-Nov-14 08:08:15

My dcs both couldn't day 'truck' properly when they first learnt the word. considering we walked everywhere that was interesting going past busy roads lol

scarletforya Mon 03-Nov-14 08:14:09

My Dd constantly talks loudly about pussy (Percy from Thomas the tank engine)

avocadotoast Mon 03-Nov-14 08:43:13

SpuffySummers, my little cousin went through a phase of calling me what sounded a lot like the n-word because she couldn't pronounce my name properly. Luckily it didn't last long...

chasingtherainbow Mon 03-Nov-14 08:47:53

Dd had popcorn for the first time this weekend and is now asking for "cockporn" at least three time a day. It's awful!

Patienceisapparentlyavirtue Mon 03-Nov-14 08:51:58

My DS is similar age and his favourite things to point out as we wander down the high street are buttons - "BUTT!!!" - and clocks "COCK!!!'".

We should start some kind of support group. But they'd probably just learn from each other and make it worse....

Venticoffeecup Mon 03-Nov-14 10:54:18

My DS was going through a phase of describing everything he saw, very loudly, wherever we went.

We were walking along the road when he saw someone coming towards us in the distance.


10 seconds later


I scurried past and made no eye contact.

StormyBrid Mon 03-Nov-14 10:58:17

We no longer take DD anywhere where she might see a clock or a fox. Not a lot we can do about her habit of telling people to "shit there" though...

FarOverTheRainbow Mon 03-Nov-14 10:59:56

My DD is 2 and a few times we've been out shopping and she's smelt a bad smell and shouts very loud phewwww that man stink mummy blush

HighwayDragon Mon 03-Nov-14 11:01:15

When dd was this age she like itng, only she couldn't say makka pakka, she said 'manky paki' shock blush the absolute worst part of this was we were in our local corner sho run by a lovely older man from Pakistan. She was shouting it at the top of her voice, and pointing at the magazine, I just wanted to die.

FarOverTheRainbow Mon 03-Nov-14 11:02:28

We were at a toddler group and another little boy kept pushing my DD and his mother never once told him off. He then pushed her quite hard and she was hurt so we had a little cuddle and she kept telling me naughty boy and then decided to follow the little boy around shouting naughty boy naughty boy blush the other mother didn't look happy but never once told him it was naughty to push other children

LadyLuck10 Mon 03-Nov-14 11:02:55

Scarlet gringrin

Didactylos Mon 03-Nov-14 11:04:49

Figster Mon 03-Nov-14 11:07:12

My 2yo is currently obsessed with fart face and fart you which of course sounds like fuck face and fuck you. shock or his other favourite is poo poo fart/fuck face.

He obviously thinks it's funny we try not to react but it's hard

DoJo Mon 03-Nov-14 11:08:33

My son silenced the family in the next cubicle when we last went swimming by demanding to see my penis. When I explained, yet again, that I didn't have one, he declared 'I have Mummy - look, I'm pulling it and it's gone all red.' I heard the stifled giggles and then had to face them in the pool where it was blatantly obvious who we were as there were no other small children in the whole place!

Babiecakes11 Mon 03-Nov-14 11:36:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tasteslikechicken Mon 03-Nov-14 11:40:02

I took my youngest Ds, then 2, to the back of the marquee during the speeches at a very large and posh wedding. He liked to play with my watch and I thought this would keep him occupied (and quiet).

Took off my watch and gave it to him, during a very quiet moment in the speeches, (groom had said something moving or whatever), my two yr old shouts to his mum at the other end of the marquee, "Mummy do you like daddies cock, I like playing with it" !!! Clear as a fucking bell, my MIL nearly expired!!

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