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To think this was an awful thing to say

(35 Posts)
Pitofdespair Sun 02-Nov-14 17:36:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CocktailQueen Sun 02-Nov-14 17:38:00

Yanbu! Does she always make you feel guilty about things?

PurplePidjin Sun 02-Nov-14 17:38:40

my gran's been saying similar about herself for nigh on 20 years now, it's just her humour. but it's a bit of a shock thing to say in all seriousness

Groovee Sun 02-Nov-14 17:38:56

shock That's bloody horrible! Are you an only child?

Whatdoesaduckdo Sun 02-Nov-14 17:39:14

YADNBU that is a horrid thing to say emotional blackmail as it's worse.
I am about to have this conversation with my mum here's hoping for a better response.

VileStatistyx Sun 02-Nov-14 17:40:42

I think you need to either call her on that horrible bit of emotional blackmail or make DAMNED sure you do indeed do that different thing this year, just to make it clear to her that manipulation will not work with you.

Did you say anything to her?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Sun 02-Nov-14 17:41:05

Is he even ill??? What a horrid thing to say.

mynewpassion Sun 02-Nov-14 17:42:26

Cruel thing to say in front of your DD.

ILovePud Sun 02-Nov-14 17:42:49

That's awful, the only reasonable bit was 'your Dad will be upset' which he may but which shouldn't be your only consideration. What are you going to do OP?

gentlehoney Sun 02-Nov-14 17:44:12

If your father is actually old or ill maybe she accidentally blurted out her worry?

Pitofdespair Sun 02-Nov-14 17:44:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pitofdespair Sun 02-Nov-14 17:45:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WitchWay Sun 02-Nov-14 17:46:08

Nasty thing to say sad

Last night DH was being unreasonable & threatening to shred some important papers, really upsetting me. He said to DS16 "if we spilt up the cats will have to be put down". DS thought it an awful thing to say but knew it was bluster - he's softer about the cats than anyone. Nasty git.

Brassrubbing Sun 02-Nov-14 17:48:47

It's classic low-level, 'too obvious to be upsetting' emotional manipulation. Just cap it. 'Yes, mother, he'll probably pop his clogs face first in the turkey with a festive paper hat on his head. In the middle of the Queen's speech.'

And in my experience, anyone who tells person X that they can't not do something because person Y would be terribly, terribly upset, generally means that person Y couldn't give two hoots, but the speaker is really using Y as a mouthpiece for their own wishes.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 02-Nov-14 17:56:44

WitchWay WTAF was all that about? Threatening to shred important papers?? Why?

PitofDespair - nasty emotional blackmail. I do, however, think it's a bit close to Christmas to suddenly announce you wont be doing what you have always done for Christmas. Most parents & Grandparents who normally see their children and grandchildren on Christmas day will be thinking/planning already. Not to buy into your Mum's crap, but how would you feel if you didn't spend Christmas with them this year and then something happened to one of them before next Christmas? Would you regret not spending this one with them or would you be happy with the decision you made at the time? How does DD feel about not seeing them at Christmas?

VileStatistyx Sun 02-Nov-14 17:58:05

Well, I think you should certainly take her up on her "go somewhere else if you want" comment.

In fact, I think it is very important that you do.

Otherwise you can look forward to this every year.

Pitofdespair Sun 02-Nov-14 18:00:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 02-Nov-14 18:01:35

I think you should reply 'We discussed it as a family and even DD pointed out that it was blackmail. Way to go mother'.

Pitofdespair Sun 02-Nov-14 18:02:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pitofdespair Sun 02-Nov-14 18:02:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

northgoingzax Sun 02-Nov-14 18:08:34

when you have started your only family you naturally lean towards starting your own traditions so don't feel guilty about breaking the old traditions

WitchWay Sun 02-Nov-14 18:14:22

Chipping it's what he does - threatens to shred things, rips stuff up, smashes things. Has tantrums really. All my fault of course hmm

hiddenhome Sun 02-Nov-14 18:17:10

Never, ever give in to emotional blackmail. It only encourages them and they then fall into a pattern. You'd be doing her a big favour by standing up to her.

WitchWay Sun 02-Nov-14 18:17:27

We'll be away this Christmas so widowed DM will huff & puff about "having" to go to my DB's in-laws. She's coming next weekend "otherwise you'll have to have your presents after Christmas " which is partly why my DH is in a grump.

ihatethecold Sun 02-Nov-14 18:27:30

Witchway.
I have to ask. Why are with a man who tantrums?

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