I am a grown up only child with one DD aged 11. My childhood was very difficult with an alcoholic, abusive mother and a kind but weak father. My mum died some years ago. My dad was already living with someone else and they subsequently married. I always got on very well with his second wife. She died a couple of years ago.
My dad has got married again and she is now trying to stop him seeing me altogether. They are both c80 years old.
I have always felt wary of his new wife - she is very different to me, extremely critical, on the lookout for something to take offence to and doesn't have good relationships with her own children's partners. As my Dad said in her eyes you are either for her or totally against her. Despite my doubts about her, I have never said a bad word about her to my dad. He had some doubts before he got married but I held my tongue. She has said nasty stuff about his second wife but I have not repeated this to him - I did challenge her about it though.
I have really tried to build a relationship. Things between us all seemed to be OK with them coming over to ours and vv. However, over the summer contact became less frequent and the few times I have seen my dad recently I have been told that his wife has made various accusations about me or my DP/DD. All of this is really trivial stuff (eg my DD was rude - she is a shy 11yo, my DP is rude or has stared at her, I have been curt once) and the accusations keep changing. I have thought back, examined my conscience and genuinely can't think of how or why she is saying this.
She is now accusing me of trying to break up their marriage and trying to stop my dad seeing me altogether. Anything I do is seen as wrong. She has successfully stopped my dad coming to see me a number of times recently. She checks all his emails. If we talk on the phone she is listening in and my Dad is obviously scared of saying the wrong thing so just says yes or no. So, I avoid phoning.
I feel she is trying to bully my dad into choosing between us. I have begged him not to feel he has to. He wants an agreement where he can see me once a month and talk on the phone once a week. He is deeply religious and is asking the local priest to provide advice. I will go and see the priest soon.
My dad is quite wealthy and I have always been his sole beneficiary. When my mum died he got their house which he sold even though they were separated. I didn't get any money at the time. At new wife's behest they are now thinking of moving to a different country where the inheritance laws are different and she stands to inherit a substantial amount automatically regardless of what his will says. (his second wife left all her money/her share of the joint home to her relatives - so that's not an issue).
He recently tried to set up a power of attorney so I would have control over his finances if he lost his marbles. New wife is objecting and is now trying to force him to change that - not sure where that will end. My dad is 80, tired and just wants a quiet life. I can forsee him hardly seeing me or his GD or complete alienation. I can also forsee him coming under pressure to change his will. This is so distressing. Part of me wonders if I should ask him now for my Mum's share and then he can do whatever with his money.
Would I be unreasonable to do so?
Sorry this is so long - it's like a victorian melodrama!
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AIBU?
to think I am losing my Dad - v long sorry
14 replies
mcalpinesfusiliers · 02/11/2014 10:54
OP posts:
MrsCumbersnatch ·
02/11/2014 10:59
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
BathshebaDarkstone ·
02/11/2014 11:56
I think you'll have to choose between your inheritance and your dad. 
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