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Literally sick of this

(79 Posts)
ItsNotMyFuckingHormones Sun 02-Nov-14 10:50:24

So, I'm pregnant and sick, a lot. So bad I'm on medication and signed off work with it (but I haven't been hospitalised yet). It's more nausea than actual vomiting, but smells will spectacularly set me off on a vomitfest.

It's half term, so we've (DH and DS) been staying with my in-laws, and I've been doing as much as I can to join in with stuff, even if it's just been dragging myself from sofa to chair to bench.

We went to a pub the other evening. Before the group of us relocated to outside, I asked DH to make sure the bench wouldn't be next to a table of smokers. He made sure. Then my MIL and FIL proceeded to light up, at the table, when we were all out there.

The first I knew of it was when I got a gobfull of smoke. If I spoke, I would have vomited, so rather than ask the smokers to step away while they were having their fans, my DH sent ME off to sit at another table. That was my entire evening, alone, at this other table while the rest of the group laughed it up and smoked.

Now, according to my DH, I'm over sensitive and isolated myself. What I should apparently have done was sit at the family table and moved every time someone lit up. This is in preference to him saying to them: guys, I don't think you can have realised, but DW can't cope with the smoke - please can you make sure that she doesn't have to breathe it, and then we can all sit together rather than her having to sit alone over there.

At the end of the evening, I then had to drive the fuckers home.

Sorry for the long rant, but AIBU to be mighty pissed off?

GallbladderFairy Sun 02-Nov-14 10:54:50

Yanbu at all!

LosingAllTheLego Sun 02-Nov-14 10:55:18

I think smoking with non smokers is very anti social anyway!
None of my smoker friends light up without asking if others mind first.
So I'd Say your DH is being unreasonable here. And was your son there?? Can't really envisage it being right for them to smoke with him there aside from your preferences.

pictish Sun 02-Nov-14 10:56:52

First of all I sympathise about the smelled induced nausea - I had that with ds2 and anything and everything set it was pretty gruelling.

As regards the pub...well it's a conflict of interests there really. I would have gone home.

ItsNotMyFuckingHormones Sun 02-Nov-14 10:57:50

Thanks both! Yes, DS was there, but running elsewhere around the beer garden. It's not a place with densely packed tables, so I was happy that he was far enough away.

cluttercluttereverywhere Sun 02-Nov-14 11:00:59

YANBU at all. Quite frankly, I would have moved straight the car park, got in the car and driven off.

I'm a smoker (obv not whilst pregnant though), but I had some dreadful nausea when I was pregnant and even a whiff of smoke on someone's clothes would have set me off. However, if I was around someone else who was pregnant, there is no way I'd light up, seriously inconsiderate. I would be reading your DH the riot act about this one. Does he smoke?

ItsNotMyFuckingHormones Sun 02-Nov-14 11:01:08

Thanks Picitsh - if I'd gone home, at least I would have had the satisfaction of making them walk ;) I honestly thought it would be okay because I naively thought that I wouldn't be subject to smoke - indoors was fine, and I would have refused to go outside if DH had reported back that it was smoky out there. I'll know better in future...

ItsNotMyFuckingHormones Sun 02-Nov-14 11:02:26

Clutterclutter, no he doesn't. I think IABU for not taking the car and leaving them!

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Sun 02-Nov-14 11:03:53

I wouldn't socialise with them again.

I was the same when I was pregnant. Went round my parent's house and an empty plate with a smear of BBQ sauce on it made me puke. The smell of a teeny bit of sauce set me off.

Should probably mention that the reason I was there was because exH 'just wanted some time off from all of the vomiting' and made me leave the house. Any symptom of pregnancy made him cross.

Men show their true colours when you're pregnant. The kind, loving ones treat you like a goddess. The twatty ones treat you like you're disposable and inconvenient.

Sorry, OP.

cerealqueen Sun 02-Nov-14 11:03:59

YANBU, your DH's behaviour was thoughtless and insensitive. I would have gone home.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 02-Nov-14 11:05:47

Who lights up next to people who are pregnant anyway?

I'd have gone home. Definitely. Arseholes.

ChippingInAutumnLover Sun 02-Nov-14 11:07:17

How in gods name does your DH even begin to justify his behaviour??

He is an arse.

You should have taken DS and gone home, all the way home to your house!

TheWhispersOfTheGods Sun 02-Nov-14 11:20:12


Next time you are asked out tell them no and exactly why.

I'd have left after your husband suggested you move, and sure as hell not driven them home. Did no one ask why you moved? Intolerably rude (I say this as a heavy smoker)

gamerchick Sun 02-Nov-14 11:21:20

You can't control what happens at a pub. You should have just gone home. If everybody had just yoyo you would have smelled it on them when they came back.

Pumpkinpositive Sun 02-Nov-14 11:23:36

Why didn't you ask them not to light up? confused

ItsNotMyFuckingHormones Sun 02-Nov-14 11:46:50

Pumpkin if I'd opened my mouth, words would have come out with lumps...

gamerchick Sun 02-Nov-14 11:53:37

Maybe that wouldn't have been a bad thing. They wouldn't have done it again incase they had to see that again would they.

RedButtonhole Sun 02-Nov-14 11:53:46

Never mind the smell/ your nausea for a second, why the fuck were they lighting up whilst sitting with a pregnant woman anyway? Surely the considerate thing to do would be to move away for a few minutes to have a cigarette then join the table again when finished?

That's what I do when I'm out with non-smokers unless they actually tell me not to bother moving.

YANBU. They were inconsiderate arseholes OP, your DH included.

ItsNotMyFuckingHormones Sun 02-Nov-14 11:56:54

Gamerchick, if I had, it would have been priceless! :D

Booboostoo Sun 02-Nov-14 11:58:08

I don't think people understand HG. Between pregnancies even I forgot how bad it was first time and the smell intolerances are incredible.

They should not have been smoking near a pregnant woman anyway but your DH should have looked out for you in particular because of the HG. I think you need to talk with him and point out all this.

QuietNinjaTardis Sun 02-Nov-14 12:01:35

I can't imagine my Dh being this inconsiderate. I had hyperemesis and couldn't do much except lie on the sofa with my eyes shut. Certain things would make me vomit without fail moving was one of them opening the fridge did it, the smell was awful to me. My Dh got every drink for me so I didn't have to open the fridge (I am so lucky he works from home) he never once made me do it cos he knew I'd be ill.
Your Dh sounds like an inconsiderate arse and your pil are not much better. Does he have any idea how sick you are feeling? To say you're over sensitive is twatty. You should have driven home and left them to it.

tiggy2610 Sun 02-Nov-14 12:08:57


I wasn't unlucky enough to suffer from HG but for the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy the smell of smoke was one of the only smells that would instantly make me need run to the nearest loo. I can't understand why anyone would think it was OK to make a pregnant woman sit on her own for a whole evening so they can light up whenever. I have smoking friends and family and I've never once had to ask them to not smoke near me, they have all automatically gone outside or moved away. I also can't understand the rest of the group you were with just sitting there and being happy that you were on your own, if I was out in a group and a friend of mine had to sit on their own because of my smoking I would feel awful!

addictedtobass Sun 02-Nov-14 12:14:13

YANBU, selfish wankers. Your DP is an idiot. Next time, definitely say no and why.

Theorientcalf Sun 02-Nov-14 12:20:10

Your DP is an arse. You should have let them walk.

SaucyJackOLantern Sun 02-Nov-14 12:25:26

Might have been easier all round if you'd just gone home. I never saw the sense in dragging myself out to the pub when pg just so I could sit and watch everyone else having a good time.

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