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To feel sad

(14 Posts)
NeedAKickUpTheFender Sat 01-Nov-14 22:57:27

NC for this as I'm being so pathetically self-indulgent. Also long - sorry.

I consider myself a pretty fortunate person. Supportive husband and family, two lovely kids, part-time job I enjoy that works around the children, settled in a nice house.

For the last couple of years, my DH has been flexibly self-employed so has been around a lot. It's been great for me, him and the kids - he's been able to take them swimming/on trips out during the week, go to nursery and school events, help out when I needed extra childcare (I'm freelance). It's been good for us too, such as the odd cheeky pub lunch during the week when work allowed.

DH is now about to start a new office job that involves a commute, so won't see much of the kids during the week as he won't be back for bedtime (and obviously will see a lot less of me!) DC1 has just started school too.

I'm very close to my parents and they're great - supportive emotionally and practically, and love the kids. But they're getting older and I think are finding it harder to cope. This year they've asked that we just come for a day or two for Christmas as the preparations are just too difficult otherwise - which is a big admission on their part. Obviously I totally respect this; I'm just sad for the days when we could all bundle down there for a week and get really excited about the build-up together.

So AIBU to feel sad and have the feeling I've had a few charmed years that are now coming to a close? I know I'm being utterly self-indulgent and am just going back to a 'normal' (albeit still very fortunate) life - so quite frankly I need to be told IBU and given a kick up the backside.

HappyGirlNow Sat 01-Nov-14 23:28:55

Sorry, finding it hard to sympathise! So, your husband will now be commuting so will see a bit less of you and your children and your parents would prefer if you all land on them for only a couple of days rather than a week.....(Why would you want to go for a week?!)...

Here's your kick up the arse>>>>>>

OldLadyKnowsBeelzebub Sat 01-Nov-14 23:31:07

Actually, I don't think YABU. You WBU to whinge and moan about it, but not just to feel a bit sad. As you say, you've had a few charmed years and these are now coming to an end, grieve a bit and buckle down to the new normality. I'm sure you'll do it with good grace. flowers

MonsoonInBelize Sat 01-Nov-14 23:31:14

Why aren't you doing christmas for your parents?

DancingDinosaur Sat 01-Nov-14 23:31:39

Yeah it is tough op. But lovely that you had all that for a while. I can see why you feel sad about it. Heres a kick up the arse anyway <KICK>

NeedAKickUpTheFender Sat 01-Nov-14 23:33:57

Monsoon - they prefer us to come to them this year. We have offered. smile

Thanks for the comments and kicks, which are all helping!

WooWooOwl Sat 01-Nov-14 23:36:39

You recognise that you've had a lovely few years, so focus on that and let yourself feel fortunate. There will be good times still to come in your life.

pippistrelle Sat 01-Nov-14 23:38:23

There's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed about what you know has been a good time coming to an end. And it's great that you're so appreciative of the happy times you're having. But you'll have many more happy times ahead if you just carry on accentuating the positive.

scousadelic Sat 01-Nov-14 23:41:23

Times change but you will find good things in the years to come too. Happiness is not always having what you think you want but is appreciating what you get

FoxgloveFairy Sun 02-Nov-14 03:04:58

Normal to feel a bit sad about change. I hate seeing my parents getting older, but that is the way it is. I am lucky to still have them about and able to participate fully in family life. Less time with your husband? Normal to miss that too. You aren't being unreasonable, and you are accepting the changes, but you are allowed to feel a bit sad!

thecatfromjapan Sun 02-Nov-14 03:19:04

I think it's lovely that you have realised this has been a good time. It sounds as though you really grasped the good things and know how to make the best of things.
I can see how sad if must be that it is changing- but something tells me that you will know how to make the best of what is coming.

ShadowsCollideCantLogInToMN Sun 02-Nov-14 03:30:58

YANBU at all. It's very sad when things have to change. Especially when it comes to ageing parents.

For example, I've recently lost my Granda, with whom I was exceptionally close. I'm sad. The thoughts of Christmas this year are making me sad already. Yes, I'm so lucky to have had 29 Christmases with my amazing Granda - my Dad lost both of his parents at 15. But I'm still fucking sad.

Things change, and life moves on, quite often much more quickly than we'd like it to. It's okay to hate the way life changes. It's okay to feel sad about it. We do however, have to move with it, and find the happiness and joy wherever we can. So in your case, cherish the couple of days with your folks at Christmas, as opposed to feeling sad that it's not longer. Or at least try to.

ShadowsCollideCantLogInToMN Sun 02-Nov-14 03:33:45

Sorry, that reads like I'm giving you an order blush. I'm not, it's just my take on things.

NeedAKickUpTheFender Sun 02-Nov-14 07:43:19

Thanks all - excellent advice. I'm not always very good at feeling it's ok to feel anything other than happy iyswim so it's actually a bit of a revelation to think it's all right to feel sad. And the kicks helped too. Am feeling much cheerier this morning for talking to someone about it - thanks MN! wink

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