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To be hurt re dh's comments about my job?

(145 Posts)
Fallslikelondonrain Sat 01-Nov-14 21:16:28

I've been a sahm since having ds but now he's at school I started job hunting.
I was a teacher prior to having ds but didn't want to go back into it, the hours are so long and ds is only just 5. I don't want him in after and before school club every day and I don't want to leave him in childcare through the holidays, it would be different if we had family nearby to help out but we don't. Dh also works very long hours and travels away a lot. I know even if I, working 60 hours a week he still won't help with ds or do anything round the house. I also have been diagnosed with some health problems which mean I am unwell some of the time, I cannot at the moment do 60 hours weeks. Dh earns £100k plus so financially we are ok. Consequently I've opted to go back as a TA, it's five days a week but I will be able to fetch ds although he will need to go in to before school club some mornings.

Obviously the wages aren't great. However there were a lot of applicants including three other interviewees who were internal candidates in non-permanent roles. So I was quite pleased when they rang and said I'd got the job. It was also the first one Id applied for so was very lucky.
However the shine has well and truly been taken from it by DH making the following comments:

Not surprised you got it, no other teacher would be stupid enough to work for peanuts.
I earn as much in ten hours as you will in a month.
I have four GCSEs and you have a degree, but who is the most successful?

He commented this morning in front of my inlaws and some mutual friends about how little I was earning - telling them the exact amount - and how I'd earn more as a street cleaner.

For me it's a big thing going back after five years out of work. I know it's not the greatest job in the world financially and that I'm never going to be a high flyer. But I was pleased. Was. Not so much now.


upduffedsecret Sat 01-Nov-14 21:17:42

he's acting like a twat.

Stealthpolarbear Sat 01-Nov-14 21:18:20

He is a git

rubyflipper Sat 01-Nov-14 21:18:42

What? How rude of him.

Congratulations on your new job. thanks

Waltermittythesequel Sat 01-Nov-14 21:19:28

He's a fucking cock.

You might come back to say that this is the first and only time he's ever been so monumentally arseholey. But I suspect not.

thisisnotmyusername Sat 01-Nov-14 21:19:28

That is fucking offensive of him. You are doing a valuable job. I believe these types of jobs are hard to get so you have done well to achieve what you were aiming for.

Unfortunately I see this attitude a lot in high-earning men (I work with a lot of them). They think they're God's gift because they're on six figures and look down on their wives for not working or earning less.

formerbabe Sat 01-Nov-14 21:20:47

That is horrid.

Congratulations on getting the job thanks

RandomMess Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:05

YANBU how utterly rude and disrepectful.

Please read the book "wifework" how dare he be like that when he's happy for you to do all the running around etc. etc.

TerrariaMum Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:07

No, YANBU. Those are all cruel things to say.

ilikebaking Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:42

I am a TA. Yes, the money isn't a huge amount, but the hours are short and for GTAs, it is fun.
Your DH is being horrible. If this was my marriage, I wouldn't be happy, huge apologies etc would be being made or he would be finding somewhere else to live.

SolomanDaisy Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:01

Are you the poster who was deciding whether to go for IVF in Spain or go for an interview as your DH was pressuring you to somehow manage both? If so, your DH remains a twat.

CocktailQueen Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:05

Congratulations! Ta jobs are fought over, and you've fine really well to get the job.

And Yanbu! I would be gutted if dh had said those things to me.

Why is he being so horrible? Does he have form for this sort of thing? Am thinking he does, as you say he doesn't help with DS or round the house.

What is the rest of your relationship like? What is he getting out of telling people how little you earn? Is he making himself seem like the big I am? Can you talk to him about it?

KingJoffreysBloodshotEye Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:13

He's a cunt. Ditch him.

I work for a low wage as a care worker. It's important to me. DP respects that.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:32

He sounds vile sorry. I would be very wary of trusting my financial security to another person if I could turn the clock back 20 years. I was a teacher and if I had my time again I wouldn't have given up my job to stay home with the kids even though it seemed like a good idea at the time.

arethereanyleftatall Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:33

Hmmmm, he obvo wasn't very kind at all, and could have phrased it better, but I can see some of his points. It's is a bit of a cop out when you're a fully qualified teacher. Also, if you worked you could afford a cleaner two or three times a week so you don't have to do anything. Also, I thought the one worthwhile perk if being a teacher was that your hours fit in (ish) with your child's.

TerrariaMum Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:41

Also, thanks for the new job. Good for you.

Hassled Sat 01-Nov-14 21:22:45

Please try and hang on to that pleased feeling - TA jobs are hard to come by and a lot of ex-teachers go for them. You've done bloody well to get it and it meets all your current needs.

I really hope your DH has some bloody fantastic redeeming features because otherwise I can't begin to see why you're with him.

CocktailQueen Sat 01-Nov-14 21:23:02

Done, not fine!

Fallslikelondonrain Sat 01-Nov-14 21:23:15

And even though I will now be at work or have ds - ergo no free time - I know dh will do nothing to help because he will always think what I do is less important than what he does because he earns more and will always earn more in all likelihood.

Dh has free time, he goes out Tuesday and Friday nights and all day Saturday or Sunday doing sporting related hobbies.

Littleturkish Sat 01-Nov-14 21:25:21

What a prick.

Must have been horrible to hear him say that.

madsadbad Sat 01-Nov-14 21:25:39

Well done on getting the job and even more so in the circs you explained flowers

Fallslikelondonrain Sat 01-Nov-14 21:26:24

Ha ha being a teacher is horrific in term time. Granted you get the holidays which is a massive perk and with a more supportive partner I may have considered it.
But as DH works such long hours and does as he pleases what will happen is I will do everything at home and for ds and work 60 odd hours a week on top of that.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Sat 01-Nov-14 21:26:33

Genuine question-why are you married to this man?

SleepRefugee Sat 01-Nov-14 21:27:21

He's being a twat. Job satisfaction
does not correlate (necessarily) to remuneration.


hollie84 Sat 01-Nov-14 21:27:56

Other than his £100k salary, what does he actually bring to your life?

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