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Am I nitpicking or would this piss you off too?

(83 Posts)
MagnificentMalificent Sat 01-Nov-14 21:03:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catnuzzle Sat 01-Nov-14 21:05:35

YANBU

formerbabe Sat 01-Nov-14 21:06:27

Yanbu!

To be fair my dh doesn't do most of those things you listed but I am a sahm so I'm happy and have the time to do them.

Does he work full time like you?

Fuzzyfelt123 Sat 01-Nov-14 21:07:17

YANBU. Man child.

UmmAbdillah Sat 01-Nov-14 21:08:05

YANBU - things like that frequently do my head in

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole Sat 01-Nov-14 21:09:34

Man child

The most difficult child to have

It have one although it wouldn't do some of the things you listed even if I asked constantly

3pigsinblanketsandasausagerole Sat 01-Nov-14 21:10:07

I not it

WineWineWine Sat 01-Nov-14 21:10:14

And you are with him because?

You don't even seem to like him.

DoJo Sat 01-Nov-14 21:10:53

YANBU - it sounds like he relies on you to run his life for him, as well as your own and your children's. Has he always been like this? Is he getting worse? Do you think it would be worth having some kind of 'summit' to discuss the situation and make it clear to him that you find his behaviour completely unacceptable.

MrsWolowitz Sat 01-Nov-14 21:13:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCumbersnatch Sat 01-Nov-14 21:13:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

championnibbler Sat 01-Nov-14 21:21:41

YANBU. I used to have a manchild. I left him in the end. I had enough of his sh*t. He's had to learn to paddle his own canoe since. From what I hear, no other woman will have him. I never regretted leaving him and should have done so sooner.

MagnificentMalificent Sat 01-Nov-14 21:23:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MagnificentMalificent Sat 01-Nov-14 21:25:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doubtfuldaphne Sat 01-Nov-14 21:33:37

My Dh is exactly the same
You have to tell him otherwise it won't happen. Sometimes it doesn't happen even when you tell him.
Usually he'll moan 'why doesn't ds do it'
He's like a teenager and he's 40.
It is horrible.

TheSkiingGardener Sat 01-Nov-14 21:34:38

Time to put him in charge of something. Either laundry, or some bills, or tidying, whatever. And then leave him to it, whatever happens, until he sorts it out.

pauline6703 Sat 01-Nov-14 21:36:35

show him this thread and let him decide to change

Hatespiders Sat 01-Nov-14 21:37:55

What about a list of some sort? Some men need it down in black and white and don't respond well to verbal communication.
It sounds as if you'll either have to accept him as he is, or leave. It's probably his personality. You sound really fed up, which I can understand. He ought to be able to do household tasks etc without step-by-step instructions!

BlackeyedSusan Sat 01-Nov-14 21:40:19

the "tell me when you want me to... " is bloody annoying. I hated doing all the head work. When we had a list of things to do he would only accept being told one thing at a time so I had to hold the list in my head or write it down myself...

Monmouth Sat 01-Nov-14 21:41:24

What attracted you to this man and made you want to have children with him?

Silverdaisy Sat 01-Nov-14 22:35:11

Yuk, the info about lack of showering is now etched in my mind. That sounds rank.

I sympathise with rest, but that is (as you said) grim.

ImperialBlether Sat 01-Nov-14 23:33:06

I could (reluctantly) put up with any of that except the showering, or lack of it. What the hell? Does he go to work smelling awful? Does he expect you to sleep with him when he smells? That goes well beyond being a man child. My son, when he was a teenager, still showered every day and changed to clean clothes every day too.

Heyho111 Sun 02-Nov-14 07:33:42

There could possibly be more going on than being lazy.
Not understanding about basic hygiene , unable to do a task without being told , not seeing that you need help etc seems more involved than laziness. You said that he also doesn't understand why you don't want sex even after you've explained to him.
I could be way off the mark. But if someone is unaware of how to act in social situations it could mean they have a difficulty with social communication.
It may be worth reading up on it and seeing if he falls into this. I'm not saying he has something but many people have traits. Understanding this could help you both change the situation and make it better.

DinnaeKnowShitFromClay Sun 02-Nov-14 07:38:30

Yep - third child and a big smelly one at that. Write him a letter, hold nothing back. You are being treated like you are his mother no wonder you don't want to shag him aside from the not showering thing.

MillieMoodle Sun 02-Nov-14 08:04:25

Apart from the showering thing, my DH is very similar. He will wash up and run the Hoover round occasionally but I have to do everything else. And I work full time (usually more hours per week than him). My head is constantly full of what we have to get sorted and what I need to ask him to do, and I'm permanently stressed out. Then he stays in bed later than me at the weekends (in 3.5 years I've never had a lie-in); if he gets up at the same time then he slouches around looking grumpy. He goes to bed earlier than me as I have to finish doing the jobs downstairs, I fall into bed exhausted and he wonders why I don't feel like sex. Added to which, he waits til I've been in bed an hour or so and therefore am asleep before deciding to start "cuddling up" to me.
Man child indeed. I'm afraid I don't know what to suggest but will be watching with interest to see what others do!

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