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to think that life is inevitably cruel, and to feel so sad about what my baby has to face?

(43 Posts)
TheOriginalWinkly Sat 01-Nov-14 19:44:44

There have been some threads this evening about awful things happening to people's children, from the unthinkably, life shatteringly awful, down to bog standard awful. I look at my sweet innocent baby, and I think how she will suffer in life, whether through ill health, social issues, academic struggles, and when she gets older the pressures to look a certain way, and what boys in this pornified society often expect from girls, then sexism in the workplace, etc etc. I see so much pain in her future, I can try to prepare her for the world but I can't protect her from so many things.

SeptemberBabies Sat 01-Nov-14 19:46:25

Teach resilience.

Vital life skill.

Eebahgum Sat 01-Nov-14 19:47:02

On the other hand, she has a whole lifetime of opportunity ahead of her and will probably go through many many wonderful experiences.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses Sat 01-Nov-14 19:48:32

YABU and IMO v unfair to your child.

When I opened this thread I thought the baby in question may have some awful life affecting disability, as many have to deal with daily.

Your child has a lifetime of opportunity ahead of her. Chin up.

Mampire Sat 01-Nov-14 19:50:53

I thought your daughter was born with a disfigurement.

I see your point, but we all faced it too, maybe worse in some ways. There wasn't a porn culture but other things were worse for women.

I'm content. So I expect that my daughter will be content too. I agree, resilience is a good life skill.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 01-Nov-14 19:51:55

Stop watching The Walking Dead

wink

SoleSource Sat 01-Nov-14 19:53:02

YANBU and my DS is blind, pads, no speech, Autistic. Life is tough, cruel but life is what you make it. Teach her self esteem, let her be herself, teach her good values. Give her as much freedom. as you can . Do not teach her to be scared of spiders fgs

HermioneWeasley Sat 01-Nov-14 19:55:35

I know where you are coming from. Particularly for my DD, I know some of what life has in store for her and it makes me want to cry. But as another poster has said, they need to learn resilience. I've had some shitty stuff in my life but I am happy and grateful now and I hope she will be too.

Gymbob Sat 01-Nov-14 19:56:38

thank goodness your child is healthy, I thought she was terribly disabled.

please don't pass your negativity on to your baby, she has a lifetime of opportunities ahead of her.

Do you mind me asking if you're ok in yourself op?

Allstoppedup Sat 01-Nov-14 19:56:56

It's true, I just read a thread about a little boys birthday that no one came to today and it got me thinking along the same lines whilst watching my DS (10 months) sleeping next to me.

I came to the conclusion though that for every awful or sad thing there will be 100s of wonderful, happy amazing first experiences and loves. People find joy and laughter even when confronted with terrible hardships and I just hope that whatever life throws our way we can take it at a run and try to be as happy as possible. My mission in life is to make sure my DS can deal with the bad and see all the good. It a the best I can hope for as his mum.

TheFirstOfHerName Sat 01-Nov-14 19:57:47

A horrible thing happened to one of my children. She has come out the other side. It's not something I would wish on anyone, but the first ten years of her life have also included happiness, laughter, joy and much, much love. She may well have to face other challenges and difficulties in life, but hopefully she will also experience many more of the good things.

Discopanda Sat 01-Nov-14 19:59:02

YANBU, comedian Sarah Silverman recently posted a video about getting a penis transplant because she's sick of the lack of equal rights (in the USA women earn 70c to each $1 their male counterparts earn) humourous but makes a point! And the truth is that gender inequality is still alive and well, us women really get the sh*t end of the stick, but at least we get to live a few years longer, the cooking, cleaning, ironing and general dogsbodying obviously adds years.

Thebodynowchillingsothere Sat 01-Nov-14 19:59:57

It's a hell of a lot better than the alternative op.

Everyone feels like you do. If however it's causing you severe anxiety please seek help.

When my dd was suddenly badly hurt it affected all areas of my parenting and still goes but you have to get it under control for your dcs sake.

Gymbob Sat 01-Nov-14 20:00:20

btw, my DD is also disabled and it affects her every waking moment. I am terrified for her future, people are already so cruel.

musicalendorphins2 Sat 01-Nov-14 20:00:52

I thought the poor child had an illness or condition. Do you realize how many parents would be thankful for their child to live a day without physical pain?

chipsandpeas Sat 01-Nov-14 20:01:28

you cant predict the future

VenusRising Sat 01-Nov-14 20:02:12

It's entirely normal to feel that a tiny baby is very vulnerable to life's twists and turns if you're feeling tired and down yourself.

As others have said, chin up.
If you do feel very blue, do you think you have a spot of PND? I ask as I always get a little bit blue around this time of year, and I remember the first winter having had my dcs that I felt everything very keenly.

Make sure you get out into the open for a brisk walk in the light everyday, and also learn to count your blessings!
If you're still feeling helpless and negative, see your GP about antidepressants/ seasonal affective disorder (winter blues)/ cognitive behaviour therapy / PND.

Congratulations on your life with your babe!

Bearfrills Sat 01-Nov-14 20:02:36

Agree that life is what you make it. Teach her to be resilient, to stand on her own two feet, that having no man (or woman) is better than being with the wrong man (or woman), and not to judge herself by the standards of others.

It's a harsh reality that at some point your child will face things you can't fix for them but you've just got to prepare them as best you can.

TheOriginalWinkly Sat 01-Nov-14 20:04:07

I certainly didn't mean to make my thread title make people think there was something wrong with her. At this precise moment she appears to be perfectly healthy, thank goodness.

allstoppedup that was the thread that started me off. I struggled terribly with friendships all through my school years and remember being told nobody was coming to my birthday. I remember my two best friends in secondary school ditching me and flatly refusing to speak to me overnight. Even for the healthiest, most resilient child things like that happen!

I do sometimes let worrying carry me away. However in general I'm fairly cheerful and I would never let DD know I sometimes feel this way.

TheFirstOfHerName Sat 01-Nov-14 20:05:24

Re-reading the OP, I am wondering the same thing as VenusRising.

If these feelings are all-consuming, then please go and speak to your GP, as you may need some treatment.

cardamomginger Sat 01-Nov-14 20:05:36

YANBU. To an extent. I know what you mean. You want to protect them so much, and the knowledge that you won't be able to stop bad things happening hurts. When DD was born, the realisation that she would one day die because she is human was awful. So I do know what you mean.

If it colours your relationship with her, then YABU. Resilience is a very valuable trait and some hardship will help her learn that. There's so much ahead of her that's good and exciting - try to see that as well. Xx

BlinkAndMiss Sat 01-Nov-14 20:06:25

Life is what you make of it, it's also what you are taught to do with it. Teaching your child to be a victim is not preparing them for the world OP. I'm sorry if I should harsh but there are children who have real difficulties to overcome who also have to face this 'normal' stuff too.

DoJo Sat 01-Nov-14 20:08:03

You don't do all your parenting in one day - that's what I remind myself anyway! It's natural to worry about everything that could happen to your child, from a bang on the head which upsets them for five minutes to life changing events which could have an impact on them forever, but you have to focus on the little things that you can do each day to bolster their self esteem, make them feel loved and secure and help them to understand that no matter what happens, they will always have a safe space in your arms. You can do all of that - isn't that an amazing opportunity?

seagull70 Sat 01-Nov-14 20:09:15

OP - I do think we are raising one of the most pampered, spoilt, entitled and ill prepared generations of our time. So YANBU in that respect.

Teach her respect and manners but above all, let her make and learn from her mistakes.

I truly believe that this is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

NoMarymary Sat 01-Nov-14 20:10:12

Do you have PND? It's not unusual to be fearful for your child's future. But your fears seem unrealistic and very over the top. Having a tiny vulnerable baby in your arms and knowing her life and wellbeing depend mostly on you can be overwhelming. If these feelings persist you really need to see your GP.

I also thought, reading the title there was some terrible, life limiting issue with your baby, and my initial reaction (before kindness and concern re asserted itself!) was to say get a grip ffs! My problem is I have a DD who does have severe cerebral palsy and will face all the things you note without any shadow of a doubt in her beautiful life. She is my life and my angel and my fears are founded in reality. Please at least be thankful you have a healthy baby. Get the help you need from your GP if your feelings persist, and just thank god every day she achieves things my angel never will.

Yes I am bitter sometimes. Not for me but for her. Sorry if I sound it.

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