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To be upset even though he isn't?

(156 Posts)
JamaicanMeCrazy Sat 01-Nov-14 14:49:05

It's my son's 7th birthday today. He has Aspergers and doesn't deal well with lots of people so we planned a small party with a few close friends (6 children of neighbours that he plays with a lot and his best friend from school who he has known since he was a baby). Nobody has shown up sad

This isn't the first time this has happened, his 5th birthday we invited a few kids from school and he spent the entire afternoon sat at the window waiting for his friends to arrive sad

I feel awful for him, but he doesn't seem to mind, he is happily playing with dh and his new scalectric set.

All the people we invited rsvped that they would come, but none of them are home (I have been over to their houses and knocked and spoken to best friends mum who says he is too tired to come hmm)

I know it's silly and he is happy but I feel like my boy deserves better and I'm sad for him that his birthday party has gone to pot AGAIN.

To top it off exh (my dcs dad) hasn't so much as texted to wish him a happy birthday. He is supposed to take him out for the day without his sisters tomorrow and hasn't made any arrangements for this. Ds hasn't noticed (probably because exh is a knob and never bothers to call on their birthdays) but it's still just shit isn't it?

Aibu? I know that he doesn't care, but I feel sad on his behalf confused

DoughnutSelfie Sat 01-Nov-14 14:53:52


Yanbu, what a rotten lot

pippinleaf Sat 01-Nov-14 14:54:06

This is really sad. I'd be sad. I guess this is one of those occasion that you can feel relief that your son doesn't 'get it.' I'd make some kind of contact with the people who said they'd come and just say you were sorry they didn't show up. If this is the second time it might be because his birthday is at the end of the half term and people forget? Next year could you have it a few days into half term so it's fresh in people's minds?

ApocalypseThen Sat 01-Nov-14 14:55:21

Yeah, it's not on for people to say they're coming and not bother. How disappointing when you thought he'd have a lovely party. Still, despite their lack off manners and consideration, it sounds like he's having a good day in a different way, so maybe take some consolation from that?

Thumbscrewswitch Sat 01-Nov-14 14:55:58

No YANBU to be upset - in your place I'd be devastated for him as well, even if he's not showing signs of being bothered. sad

So very sad that people can't make a little bit of effort for him.

TheJiminyConjecture Sat 01-Nov-14 14:57:36

Happy birthday to your DS. I would be gutted as well, I hope they have bloody good excuses. Is there any way they didn't realise it was his birthday party? <clutching at straws>

itiswhatitiswhatitis Sat 01-Nov-14 14:58:10

I'd be tempted to message people "sorry you couldn't make it to the party in the end, hope everything is ok?" Then if they reply I would make sure they are aware that no one showed.

My ds also has asd, we've never had this happen but it is my worst fear.

Fifibluebell Sat 01-Nov-14 14:58:29

YANBU I would be furious!!

JamaicanMeCrazy Sat 01-Nov-14 15:05:10

We're in Scotland so the kids have been back at school for a week now.

I wouldn't have been so bothered if they had just told me they weren't coming but not turning up is just plain rude hmm

I was up until 1am making party food and the cake he asked for (chocolate caramel smile), not an easy task for me, I have fibromyalgia and walk with a stick. It won't go to waste, I'll just use it for packed lunches, but it grates that I went to a much effort for nothing.

I guess at least he's happy.

On the plus side 1 of my own friends phoned this morning to say happy birthday and he got a couple nice presents from my friends.

We always go to all these children's parties though, and give presents etc, sad that can't do the same or him sad

ilovechristmas1 Sat 01-Nov-14 15:06:16

how upsetting for you all

i would be so so upset,for many reasons

i would make the non attenders aware that nobody turned up

hope your son enjoys the day regardless of selfish people

formerbabe Sat 01-Nov-14 15:08:00

I would be very tempted to send a text to everyone who didn't show saying....
"Bit confused as it was (insert sons name) party and no one showed! Did I put the wrong date/time on the invite?"

SweetsForMySweet Sat 01-Nov-14 15:11:45

YADNBU. Your poor ds. I hope he has a great day and hopefully he doesn't notice. Could they have got the time or date wrong? It's such an awful way to treat anyone.

JamaicanMeCrazy Sat 01-Nov-14 15:25:10

They definitely wont have forgotten, I spoke to them yesterday. Plus these are people we've known for years, his birthday is the day after Halloween, it's kind of hard to forget.

He's having a great time, dh is being fab and doing loads with him and we did the bella Italia breakfast product test this morning so he got a nice birthday breakfast out wink

I am going to speak to them all and let them know that nobody showed.

I'm not going to bother talking to his dad though, I gave up trying to get him to care a long time ago and just leave him to contact me when he can be arsed hmm

ApocalypseThen Sat 01-Nov-14 15:29:18

Good for you. I hope you don't mind my saying this, but the main thing is not to let him see how disappointed you are - since he doesn't really get it, he doesn't need to. He clearly has a real Dad and a living Mum, so really, why should he care about any of it? The three of you can have a lovely party tea and he'll have a celebration with the people who care about him.

ApocalypseThen Sat 01-Nov-14 15:29:58

Er, a loving Mum...

Bunbaker Sat 01-Nov-14 15:30:50

I feel so sad when I see threads like this. Some people are so unbelievably thoughtless, selfish and full of their own self importance. I hope they get their come-uppance.

MrsCumbersnatch Sat 01-Nov-14 15:33:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Sat 01-Nov-14 15:33:14

Oh that is so rude of them! Really hope they've got some good excuses. Hope your little dude enjoys the rest of his day x

Floggingmolly Sat 01-Nov-14 15:34:02

sad Make sure they all know nobody showed; hope it makes them feel like shit.

WilburIsSomePig Sat 01-Nov-14 15:35:41

YANBU their parents are a bunch of utter bastards and if I could come to his party I would!

SpearmintLino Sat 01-Nov-14 15:35:59

How awful for you. Glad he's having a nice day anyway, though. Happy Birthday to him! smile��

BookABooSue Sat 01-Nov-14 15:36:14

YANBU - that's horrible and really there's no excuse since you spoke to them about it yesterday. I'm glad your DS is having a lovely birthday without them. thanks for you. I'd be really upset too.

Marcipex Sat 01-Nov-14 15:38:16

YANBU those parents are a bunch of bastards.

Really angry on your behalf.

JamaicanMeCrazy Sat 01-Nov-14 15:39:30

ApocalypseThen he has no idea how I'm feeling about it all, I'm smiling and bouncy birthday mummy on the outside and using MN to vent smile

Dh has played scalectric with ds and dd1 and they've coloured in mugs with ceramic pens and are now doing mosaic pictures smile He is an absolute gem and a fantastic stepdad to my 3 dcs. We will do pass the parcel soon, there are 10 sweets and a prize in it and only 2 children so they are going to be happy grin

Nocturne123 Sat 01-Nov-14 15:40:29

Yadnbu this made me well up a little bit . I'm glad your ds is still having fun but poor you that's just horrible . thanksthanks

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