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To not want mothers/fathers/siblings to stay with their children at Dd's party

(76 Posts)
PumpkinPaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:18:36

Does anyone else get annoyed by this?

I'm having Dd's (7) party at home soon and one mother has already invited herself and her toddler to the party that her daughter is invited to, which I'm pissed off about. I didn't even get a chance to say no. We have hardly any space, and she can be quite "into" everything and tbh I just really don't like the woman.

I've organised loads of activities for the children and I really won't have time to be entertaining her too, and I know if I ignore her, she'll make a sarky/jokey comment like "you've forgotten me"...she makes "jokes" hmm like this all the time. Also, I've noticed she has a new bf and he seems to tag along to all the birthday parties so I have a feeling she'll be bringing him too. I don't want a virtual stranger at my Dd's party in our home!

Is there any subtle way I could hint that I really don't expect parents and siblings to stay? Or will that be rude and should I just stay quiet and be accommodating and quietly seethe.

SophiaPetrillo Sat 01-Nov-14 12:19:44

When she drops her off, just open the door to the child and smile saying "pick up time is X o'clock, see you then!" and shut the door.

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Nov-14 12:20:48

What do you mean she invited herself and you didn't get a chance to say no?

Just say no. You don't have the room.

PumpkinPaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:21:31

That would be perfect if she already hadn't told me she's coming. sad...who invites themselves to parties like this?

AesSedai Sat 01-Nov-14 12:23:03

So text her a say...."just to confirm - no parents/siblings please".

PumpkinPaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:23:03

Well she phoned me and said "oh, I'll definitely be coming along too!" And I was kind of shocked...couldn't think of what to say, and she carried on "x (her toddler) will really enjoy it too"...

BackforGood Sat 01-Nov-14 12:23:20

Of course you had a chance to say no. When she said it, your reply should have been - oh, sorry, no, you've misunderstood - there isn't room for anyone other than the children who are invited. We've got enough help thanks - you can leave your phone number if you are anxious. Just drop her off and collect at {insert time}.

YANBU to expect a 7 yr old to be able to come to a party without an entourage, no.

WorraLiberty Sat 01-Nov-14 12:23:22

Oh stop it really

It's your home and you're acting like a victim here

She doesn't get to tell you she's coming to the party.

If you've accepted that she's coming then that's your choice.

BackforGood Sat 01-Nov-14 12:23:59

x-posted.
Do as AesSedai says.

Aimey Sat 01-Nov-14 12:25:07

I'd text her (so I didn't get my words twisted) and say, sorry if there's any misunderstanding, but I don't have space for parents or extra kids to stay during the party, I'll understand if this means your wee pet can't come after all, but we'd love to have her.

Don't be subtle, it doesn't work when it matters, and you only have one shot to sort this now, can't risk subtle! Blunt but polite.

KatieKaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:26:05

Yup text her and say it's for the invited DC only. No parents and no other random uninvited people. Your party, your rules!
Don't let this rude woman steamroller you and font listen to any excuses.

SophiaPetrillo Sat 01-Nov-14 12:26:17

Aimey's got it right ^^

ChippingInAutumnLover Sat 01-Nov-14 12:27:27

Stop being wet.

Just text her 'We only have room for the invited children. If your DD is unable to stay on her own, then I'm sorry, but she won't be able to come'.

You don't even like the woman so you don't have to worry about ruining the friendship!

PumpkinPaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:27:34

She's been making "jokes" ever since, like "oh I bet you're inviting x's mum too and you'll be ignoring me to talk to her"... Like really emphasising she's coming. How can I say no?

I'm not acting like a victim, but how do you say "no" to someone who keeps talking about something over and over again?

Viviennemary Sat 01-Nov-14 12:27:43

This is just so cheeky. At seven year olds are quite able to be left on their own. Do as the other poster suggests and ring her back or text and say there was a misunderstanding and you didn't realise she was meaning to stay for the whole party with her toddler. (Even thought you obviously did!)

PiperIsOrangePumpkins Sat 01-Nov-14 12:28:26

I would text her and say it's good you are coming, I need the help.

Can you do xxxxxxxx and also xxxxxxxx

It don't seem you have the confidence to text saying children only, so you may as well use the extra adult for help.

PumpkinPaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:29:01

Aargh. You're all right. I need to do something about this.

Flumpf Sat 01-Nov-14 12:29:05

I'm a bit nervous about a party later. DS 3 has SEN and lacks muscle control so he is not toilet trained. I want to stay with him in case he needs changing. I won't eat or drink anything, or need entertaining though. It's at a hall and I hope that the mum doesn't mind. It's a child from school, so we hardly know them. It's a bit different and irrelevant to this situation though. Sorry about that.

SophiaPetrillo Sat 01-Nov-14 12:30:07

You're situation isn't the same Flumpf. No one in their right mind would give you a hard time about staying with your son.

blanklook Sat 01-Nov-14 12:30:26

Don't seethe quietly, it's your dd's day and she should have the guests she wants, not guests + a parent + any siblings + whoever the parent is sleeping with.

Next time you see her, just say
'Oh I think you may have misunderstood, it's a no parents no siblings party'
or a little less blunt,
'My dd, the birthday girl, has been upset about all the other people who are thinking of coming to her birthday. She wants her special day to be her friends from her age-group. that's no parents, no siblings, no-one but the invited girls.

PumpkinPaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:30:32

I don't need her help. And I don't need her draining me on my Dd's birthday. Honestly, I feel drained everytime I meet her and it's only because my dd is friends with her dd.

Viviennemary Sat 01-Nov-14 12:32:25

Flump I agree your situation is entirely different. Nobody would bat an eyelid at the parent attending.

PumpkinPaye Sat 01-Nov-14 12:33:33

flumpf, her dd has no sen. Her mother tags along for the free food from what I gather. Why else would anyone want to attend a boring 7 year olds party?

TheSpottedZebra Sat 01-Nov-14 12:34:07

Flumpf - surely you'd just explain that to the party throwers?

Pumpkin you do really need to take control of the situation, or it will just carry on like this. How do you say no? You just say it! If she keeps on going on about it, tell her that, tell her she's being silly.

Sleepysheepsleeping Sat 01-Nov-14 12:34:11

Just say, sorry wasn't planning any parents at Dd's party, had a think when you said you wanted to come and on reflection my house is way too small and I'm all sorted for help thanks. Please just drop off your DD at time and collect at time thanks.
Please please don't annoy yourself and ruin the party by not sending a simple standing up for yourself text!!!

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