I know drip feeding can be irritating and I will try not to do that. Here is my situation. I am 34 and I am single. While I haven't entirely given up hope of meeting someone I want to spend the rest of my life with I am not necessarily expecting this to happen. (Just to preempt any further questioning, I have tried the 'usual' methods of online dating, hobbies and so on, but most men and people for that matter I do meet are already married.)
I am fairly sure I want to experience motherhood though. I am a deputy headteacher of an infant school and love children.
One "obvious" way would be to have IVF, using donated sperm, or IUI (I'd probably go for IVF.) I'm a bit uncomfortable with this as I am worried the child would grow to resent me. I do have vague religious beliefs - I don't go to church - but I do believe roughly in the guidelines of the Christian faith and while this isn't explicitly stated in the bible as being 'wrong' I think it probably wouldn't be encouraged! I do know I need to justify whatever decision I make to a child when he or she grows up and this could be difficult if they are resentful of not having a father. (I would not be interested in having a relationship after having a child.)
The other route is adoption, and while this appeals on a moral level I'm worried about how I would cope with all manner of things. I know adopted children come from trauma - that's the sad nature of adoption. I like to think I could cope with this. What worries me is that they might seek their birth family at 18 and forget about me! I also would like to name or at least play some part in naming my child - it upsets me to think I'd never get to do this. I also hate the way 'adopted' is tacked into children who are - Jayne Torville (I used to be a figure skater!) has two adopted daughters and the fact they are adopted is always mentioned. Why can't the papers say that JT has 'two daughters', as according to the law, she does! I'd hate people to feel the child wasn't mine in some way.
But adoption does appeal in other ways.
Other things I should mention: I am financially very comfortably off but this is due to the premature deaths of my parents, in my teens, I don't have any other family. I do have friends but they are 'widespread' and busy.
What would you do, if you were me (Please don't advise me to visit the adoption board, as I do lurk but have already asked there once and the responses weren't massively helpful.)
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To knowingly become a single parent?
75 replies
checkedblackandwhite · 01/11/2014 08:49
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