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aibu to ask if you have a 'mothers apron' and what you think of it

(35 Posts)
FlappertyFlippers Sat 01-Nov-14 08:39:28

I have 2 dc, ds has just turned 1 and I am back to my pre pregnancy weight. However my stomach is covered in faded stretch marks, wrinkly skin and there is a huge overhanging bit of flesh that I have to tuck into my trousers.

I know I should weave some lentils and view the devastation of my previously flat stomach as a beautiful reminder of my body's amazing capacity to grow new life, but I can't. I can cope with my saggy books, with my varicose veins, etc however I HATE my stomach and feel sadness every time I see it.

I am not especially vain or image conscious, my dh says he isn't bothered by it and tries to reassure me I am not disfigured but I find it so difficult to come to terms with the fact that I will never again look in a mirror and admire my body.

Does anyone else feel like this?

StephenKatz Sat 01-Nov-14 09:01:54

I feel exactly the same. I spend my time googling pictures of tummy tucks, knowing I can never afford it, plus my entire family would disapprove and be unsupportive for the 'being proud of your body' reasons you mentioned sad

MajesticWhine Sat 01-Nov-14 09:06:48

I used to feel like this - my youngest is now 4 and I don't mind so much now, so I guess it gets better with time.

OneSkinnyChip Sat 01-Nov-14 09:11:13

I don't feel that way but maybe that's because I was overweight before during and after pregnancy. I think if it really bothers you a year on and you have finished having children you shouldn't rule out cosmetic surgery. I wouldn't do it personally because any surgery has risks but if it really bothers you then look into it.

Orangeanddemons Sat 01-Nov-14 09:13:02

I feel the same. My waist measurement increased by 5" after dd, despite being the same weight pre and post pregnancy.

I hate it

londonrach Sat 01-Nov-14 09:15:58

Was just coming on here to tell you about my pretty blue and white spotted cath kidson apron which my mil uses every day she visits. However i think i have misread the title. (Completely misses point of this post...)

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 01-Nov-14 09:19:14

Yes, I've had 3 pregnancies, one of which was a csection and I've had a hysterectomy, I despise my stomach area and if I had the money I'd have a tummy tuck tomorrow.

However I've got two arms and legs that work, I can see where I'm goingand I'm healthy , unless I win on the lottery I'll just have to get on with it and keep wearing the Spanx wink

notagainffffffffs Sat 01-Nov-14 09:22:23

I had a c section and had a huge overhang for a long time, but very very luckily it has sucked back in. Honestly if it had stayed I would have gotten a tummy tuck because yes im prpud to be a mum, but im still a 25 yo woman

vitabrits Sat 01-Nov-14 09:30:07

I don't have that problem, but if it really bothers you then I think it's reasonable to prioritise saving for cosmetic surgery

Elledouble Sat 01-Nov-14 09:34:02

I've got one and I haven't even got any children yet. I went down from about 16st to 9st in my early twenties so my tummy is pretty wrecked. Looks awful now I've got the beginnings of a baby bump (15weeks) with this little flabby dangling bit at the bottom. sad

rockpinkpumpkin Sat 01-Nov-14 09:36:24

If you had surgery..would you go abroad for it? I was seriously thinking of it but came across so many sad stories.
I also hate my overhang. Despite showering and bathing it gets sweaty underneath.
I'm a size 12 everywhere else but thanks to my stomach, it's increased my dress size to a 16 so clothes don't fit or hang properly anywhere.
I look like a ball on a stick.
I feel your pain, you have all my sympathies! ! flowers

FlappertyFlippers Sat 01-Nov-14 09:40:38

I could afford surgery, however I'm not sure if the risks of having the op are worth it, plus I'd have issues with the recovery period as the dc are still little (4 and1) and we have no family who could help out.

I think still staying classy sums it up really well with 'I've got 2 arms and legs that work, I can see where I'm going, and I'm healthy' . I think this is the attitude I need to adopt rather than focusing on the negatives. It's just so difficult getting my head round this.

FlappertyFlippers Sat 01-Nov-14 09:53:37

rockpinkpumpkin if I did go for surgery I'd have it in the UK, I think there are lots of risks involved with having surgery abroad and the availability of aftercare should I need it once back in the UK. My overhang also gets sweaty underneath, especially if I wear spans/tights so I feel like I'm in a catch 22 and I can either have it all sucked in but be hugely uncomfortable and sticky or I can let it hang loose and look like I'm 5 months pregnant

kaymondo Sat 01-Nov-14 10:59:56

I could have written your post OP. I am not a particularly vain or body conscious person but my apron is so depressing. I am a size 12 but prob a 16 round the middle. Strangers constantly think I'm pregnant.

Tbh I am planning to have a tummy tuck in the future. Not yet as I am still considering whether to go for dc3 but once I'm sure we're done with babies then I'm going for it. I don't really care what the 'you should be proud of your body' brigade think, esp as ime the ones who make a fuss about that are the ones with not a single stretch mark! I know if I ever complain about my stomach to friends they all say 'oh yes, I know, mine is awful too' but I have seen them in bikinis so I know they do not have the issues I have (not to say that they don't see a difference or that they can't feel sad about it, just saying that there is a world of difference between them and me).

I think it's sad that as women we're made to feel guilty or like we're saying our kids weren't worth it just because we want to explore solutions to an unfortunate side effect of pregnancy. My dc are my world and I don't regret them for a second. I'd just like to not have to spend the rest of my life hating what I see in the mirror.

rockpinkpumpkin Sat 01-Nov-14 13:31:30

You know when you wear spanx etc? Do you can tummy pains and cramps? I do, like my insides haven't enough room!!
Yes, like kaymondo it's just my waist that's a 16. It's so depressing hating what you see in the mirror or catching sight of yourself getting out of the bath.

Thewrongmans Sat 01-Nov-14 15:30:06

Did you have a CS OP? Because if not, this overhang will eventually go, after my first it went after weeks, unfortunately with my second it took years.

dementedma Sat 01-Nov-14 15:34:59

Ah, you mean a gunt!grin
3 cs have left me with one of these. However I did get off lightly on the stretch marks front. I don't like it but there's not much I can do about it I reckon

ItsGotBellsOn Sat 01-Nov-14 15:39:54

Yes I have one. It doesnt bother me now, but it used to.

I was very slim when i got pregnant with my first DC, but put on a lot of weight and had a huge baby by c-section, which ruined my tum.

I was devastated for a couple of years. I dont really care anymore. I'm slim and look OK in most clothes, its just naked there is an apron. Ah well. DH couldnt care less and guess I am just used to it now.

No way would I have a tummy tuck. Big operation and it never looks normal afterwards, just really weirdly taut with the stretchmarks all stretched out. Look at Mariah Carey's weird stomach for an example.

Messygirl Sat 01-Nov-14 15:41:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYouNaanBread Sat 01-Nov-14 15:46:40

I don't think you have to just put up with it. There is a needless stigma about plastic surgery and it's not like you're having a boob job so you can go on big brother - you'd be having reconstructive surgery after 3 pregnancies. Nothing to be embarrassed about there & the judgypants types can just mind their own business.

theposterformallyknownas Sat 01-Nov-14 15:49:55

I just wear big pants and forget about it, apart from exercising to tone up what you can there's fuck all you can do about nature.
Big knickers with tummy control are your new best friend. grin

GobblersKnob Sat 01-Nov-14 15:54:30

My youngest is six, and I have had to work very hard over the last year, but a combination of weight loss, very healthy diet (no sugar, no grains, no alcohol, no caffeine, very little dairy/meat) and very very very intensive exercise and mine has almost gone.

I don't think it will ever totally go as I had polyhydramnios with my first, and stretch marks like a tiger. But for years I looked several months gone and used to be asked all the time when I was due hmm now I just have a tiny rounding, and it doesn't hang at all.

It's a lot to put yourself though, but better than surgery imo.

jellybeans Sat 01-Nov-14 16:01:07

I accept it, i actually like it now in a weird way! Most 'normal' non media mums of more than 2 have it! I had 8 pregnancies, 2 were stillbirths so was so grateful just to have my healthy ones!! It just seemed trivial! I also have full term twins, which weren't great for my figure but was so glad they made it full term! I would never have surgery for the risks and some people I know who have had it do not look any better with the huge scars etc. It is so sad women feel like this as we are bombarded with images of perfection all the time.

I have one 9 years after emergency c section. I know that I should thank my lucky stars that me and my son are healthy and happy but it does bother me. I think the surgeon cut muscles that will never twang back no matter how much you exercise. It stinks, literally. I've to wash with gentle antibacterial soap every couple of hours.

I've another baby on the way and once I've decided when I'm done with child rearing, I'm saving up and getting the tuck. The scars are preferable to this. I've a few years yet so I will research properly and make sure I've someone good to do it. We don't HAVE to put up with it OP. It's not a body confidence issue because of media and models, I've saggy tits and I don't give a shit.

BreadForBrains Sat 01-Nov-14 16:14:48

I have a small mirror in the bathroom on the little medicine cabinet that dp uses for shaving, and the dds have a mirror in their room.
Apart from that, our house is mirrorless! I have a slight apron, it doesn't hang down over my knickers but it does sort of bulge out. I don't wear bikinis and the only people who see it are dp and the dc.
I look fine in clothes (well, I don't scare people away) and am genuinely not bothered. There's more to me than my stretchmarked body with funny tummy.
I don't look in a mirror to admire myself, I look in the mirror to make sure I don't have toothpaste round my mouth when I brush my teeth!

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