DH and I have been married for 24 years now and have 2 DD. He's 20 years older than me and was married before and has 2 DC from that marriage and another DD from a relationship that he was in when we met. He split up with her because he wanted to be with me, but didn't know that the ex was pregnant.
When he found out he supported the child financially and saw her whenever her mother "allowed". I think the mother quite liked her DD spending time with us because at the time we didn't think I would be able to have children and she was very smug about the fact that she had a child with my DH. There was, obviously, also a lot of bitterness between her and DH. However, my DSD is absolutely lovely and a couple of years ago moved to the town where we live to do her post graduate degree. Since then she has spent a lot of time with us and our DC and always comes with us to Sweden when we visit DH's other children and family. About 18 months ago she started seeing someone from her course - he is a post-doc and so a few years older than her, but he's a good man and they are very much in love. But her mother disapproved of the relationship, though we don't know why and that has caused DSD to drift away from her mother and, as a consequence, and because we are nearer, she has seen more of DH and I. We've had her mother make numerous abusive calls to us, accusing us of brainwashing her daughter, which we ignore and haven't told DSD.
She announced last week that she is 8 weeks pregnant. It was an accident, but they are both thrilled and although it means that she is now going to have to postpone her studies for a while, she has every intention of going back to them as soon as she is able.
Anyway, she told her mother and got the predicted response. Then her mother started calling me (not DH!) and accusing me of turning her daughter into a slut and a whore like I am and driving a wedge between them; I am also apparently jealous of her because she had my DH when he was younger and better looking (!) and she had a child with him first without no trouble, whilst it took me years to conceive. Actually as he was married and had children before he met either of us, that's not true. In the last couple of days there have been 50 calls to my personal and work mobiles and our land line, and she has also tried to get through to me on my work number (I'm not in the office at the moment so I imagine that there are several voicemails waiting for me). Yesterday I am convinced that I saw her following me - but as it has been about 10 years since I saw the woman I am not sure.
DH is being dismissive of the whole thing and saying that she was always a nutter and that's why he left her. DSD knows nothing about any of this as she is still upset at being called a whore by her mother - she genuinely thought she'd be happy about the baby.
It does seem that DSD's pregnancy has sparked an escalation in her behaviour and I honestly can't see how it is my fault that a 23 year old intelligent, educated woman is pregnant by her long term partner. Or am I totally wrong and it is me?
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AIBU?
AIBU to think that it is not my fault that DSD is pregnant?
149 replies
zeezeek · 31/10/2014 12:36
OP posts:
Maki79 ·
31/10/2014 12:56
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